


You + Me + Him || Zayn & Harry AU

by lisavslisa



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Americans, F/M, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Growing Up, Growing Up Together, Love, Love Triangles, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Step-Brothers, Step-siblings, Teen Romance, Teenagers, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2018-11-30 02:44:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 58,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11454342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisavslisa/pseuds/lisavslisa
Summary: Alyssa Rossi has always been in love with Zayn Malik.Zayn has always been her best friend, but never shared her feelings.Harry Styles was Zayn’s pesky step-brother and has always hated Alyssabecause she and Zayn always got into trouble together.They were teenagers, now they’re all adults.Things can change in a blink of an eye.And they did.





	1. The one with the kiss…

**Author's Note:**

>   
>    
> 

**Spring 2015**

 

“I’m getting a condo. Move in with me,” Zayn Malik said to his best friend Alyssa Rossi as he walked into her bedroom without knocking, immediately flopped down onto his stomach on the bed.

“What? No,” Alyssa laughed at him as she sat on the floor in front of a floor length mirror applying her makeup.

They’d been friends for almost a decade and Alyssa knew almost immediately that moving in with him would probably be one of the worst decisions she could ever make. It wasn’t just because he was completely irresponsible, it was also because she’d been in love with him pretty much since the day they met. And she knew if they were to move in together she would never be able to get over her feelings for him.

“Come on, Lyssy,” Zayn whined. She hated it when he called her _Lyssy_ , but didn’t mind so much when he was begging her for something.

“Zayn, I’m not moving in with you,” she told him with a roll of her eyes.

“Why not, Alyssa?” He continued to whine, looking offended that she would dare turn him down.

“Because I’m not going to lie in bed at night listening to you screw random girls who just so happen to be your _flavor-of-the-week_ ,” she told him with a scoff.

“But you could be the bird in my bed,” Zayn said, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

And as shameful as it made her feel, her heart did flip-flops in her chest as a low heat started to rise within her thinking about all the nights she already spent in his bed.

“Been there, done that. I can be in your bed and still live here,” Alyssa retorted, shrugging it off as best she could.

“Alyssa Michelle Rossi! Why won’t you move in with me? Really. What’s the real reason?” He asked firmly, no doubt expecting an answer that second.

“What? You don’t think my reason is valid?” She asked, heightening her eyebrows at him in protest.

“ _No_ ,” he scoffed, sitting up quickly on the edge of her mattress.

“Too bad for you, Malik,” she told him, letting out a mischievously laugh as she applied her mascara.

“I don’t know why you put on all that makeup, Lyss. You’re just as pretty without it,” he huffed with his arms crisscrossed tightly across his chest.

Alyssa paused for a moment, looking at him through the mirror, trying to gauge whether or not he was being serious. If he was, it was probably one of the sweetest things he ever said to her. She watched as his eyes met hers, catching a slight glare in them. He was being pissy with her, she was sure of it. His little back-handed comment was meant to spur her, not compliment her.

“Ha,” she laughed as she rolled her eyes and went back to doing her makeup.

She knew just how superficial and fickle he was. If she had any chance with him, it wasn’t going to be walking around the streets looking like she just rolled out of bed.

Zayn had been her love-interest for as long as she could remember. Unfortunately for her, she was never that high on his radar. Sure, they lost their virginities to each other at the age of seventeen in a night of drunkenness, and over the past four years have slept with each other more times than she could ever keep track of. Though sex was never the only thing she wanted from him. But Zayn always had another girl waiting around the corner – another girlfriend to make Alyssa cry herself to sleep over.

Their relationship was complicated. Outsiders would say Zayn had her _whipped_ – that she would give up everything at the drop of a hat for him. And she supposed it was sort of the truth. She loved Zayn since she was thirteen years old – since he moved into the neighborhood. He’d say ‘jump’ and Alyssa would ask ‘how high?’ It was pretty much how things worked with them. And most of the time she was okay with it.

Her other friends and people close to her always wondered why she put up with his bullshit. He wasn’t exactly reliable or nice sometimes, but that was Zayn. He was spontaneous and wild, and he was someone Alyssa couldn’t live without no matter how hard she tried. He always said something or did something that would cement her feelings for him, and she knew she would be his forever.

 

**_Summer 2009_ **

 

 _“Have you ever been drunk before?” Zayn asked Alyssa as they sat in his basement in the TV room watching the Will Ferrell movie_ Step Brothers _._

_She was sixteen years old and he’d known her for the past three years – when did she have the time to get drunk without him knowing it?_

_“No. Have you?” She asked as she sat next to him on the sectional couch._

_“I’ve tried beer before, but I’ve never been drunk,” he told her with a shrug of his shoulders._

_“Was it gross?” Alyssa asked, really concerned that she was so behind on the ‘drinking’ front. She never even tasted it before._

_“Yeah, but my mum and Des have some vodka upstairs. I saw it the other day,” Zayn said, smiling mischievously at her._

_Just the thought of doing something so daring and adventurous got her blood going. She loved being mischievous with this boy. She would probably do anything if it was fun and he was asking._

_“What are you saying?” She asked, eyeing him with the hint of a smirk on her lips._

_“Drink with me,” he said quickly as he stood up from the couch._

_“You know your mom and Des are right upstairs though,” she reminded him, but he just passively shrugged his shoulders._

_It was past eleven o’clock and his family were all in bed – except for Harry, Zayn’s fifteen-year-old step-brother. And they could have easily woken up at a moment’s notice and caught them doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing – like drinking. It was so like Zayn to disregard the consequences. He never thought about what would happen if he got caught._

_“Harry is in the other room,” Alyssa pointed out._

_“So what? He’s a dork,” Zayn scoffed with a daring smile._

_“Dude, the first thing he’ll do is tell your parents,” she added in._

_“So what? We’ll be drunk,” he laughed, really not giving a shit about any of the negatives she was throwing at him._

_“Yeah and we’ll have to suffer the consequences when we’re sober,” she pointed out._

_“We’ll cross the bridge when we get there –_ if _we get there,” Zayn said, standing up, grabbing her hand before pulling her to a standing position._

 _“_ If _we get there? Like, we’re going to get murdered by your parents?” Alyssa asked wide-eyed._

_“No! Alyssa, come on. I thought you liked having fun. Come on. Have fun with me,” he chuckled as he pulled her toward the stairs._

_“Zayn, this is a bad idea,” she grumbled from behind him._

_“We’re sixteen and we’ve never been drunk. Live a little,” Zayn said, pulling her by the hand up the stairs with him._

_“There’s a reason that twenty-one is the legal drinking age,” she added in, although she already knew in the back of her mind she would drink with him. She never quite learned how to say no to him._

_“Alyssa, just tell me… do you want to have fun with me?” Zayn asked in his usual manipulative way._

_“Of course I want to have fun with you—” She started to say._

_“Good. Come on,” he said, pulling her into the kitchen._

_“—but this isn’t the fun I had in mind,” she said, eyeing him as he pulled out the bottle of vodka from the top shelf of the cabinet._

_“Seriously, Alyssa. You need to pull that stick out of your bum. How long have you known me? Three years? I’m surprised I haven’t rubbed off on you yet,” Zayn scoffed._

_Alyssa rolled her eyes at him, feeling a little annoyed that he would refer to her as having a stick up her butt. She did everything he wanted, usually without complaint._

_“You’re ridiculous,” she scoffed back at him as he pulled out two glasses from the cabinet._

_“What do you want to mix it with?” Zayn asked as they walked over to the fridge and began digging around in it._

_“I don’t know. I don’t drink, Zayn,” she told him, giving the back of his head a confused look._

_“Orange juice?” He asked, holding it up in his hand._

_Alyssa shrugged her shoulders at him and he took it as a ‘yes’. Like_ she _knew what would taste good with something that smelled like rubbing alcohol._

 _“Orange juice it is,” Zayn said with a wicked smile, closing the fridge, turning toward her with the jug in his hand._ _He filled their glasses practically half-full with vodka and the rest of the way with orange juice._

 _“Are you trying to_ kill _me? That’s_ a lot _of vodka,” Alyssa hissed, looking at him incredulously, her eyebrows shooting up as high as they could go._

_“Lyssa, just drink it,” he said, sending her a bored look as he slid the glass over to her on the countertop._

_“You first!” She told him, pushing his glass closer to him._

_“Fine,” he said, grabbing it before taking a big swig._ _He made a face, but played it off like it didn’t taste like the most lethal thing he ever drank._

_“It’s good,” he said, and she could tell immediately that he was lying through his teeth. She couldn’t help but laugh out loud at how badly his expression was selling him out._

_“Shhhh, you’re going to wake up mum and Des,” he hushed her by quickly clapping his hand over her mouth._ _Alyssa pried his hand away from her face as she giggled quietly._

_“Your face was classic,” she snickered._

_“Your turn,” he said and picked up her glass, handing it to her as he cocked his eyebrow at her in challenge._

_It was a bad idea and Alyssa knew it. But just about anything seemed worthwhile when she was doing it with Zayn. Reluctantly she took a sip and felt the bitter burn all the way down her esophagus._

_“Zayn, that is disgusting!” She hissed at him and he shushed her again._

_“Just shut up and drink it. We’re gonna have fun,” he said, taking another gulp._

_It took a while for Alyssa to drink her glass, but she finally choked it down. Zayn finished his in half the time and harassed her to drink hers faster. He made them each a second glass and they ended up finishing those too, making a drinking game out of it while they finished watching_ Step Brothers _. Every time the brothers got into a physical fight, they had to take a drink. Then it turned into every time the brothers argued, they needed to drink. And once they were already on the verge of being drunk, they just threw in that they’d drink every time somebody swore, which was so often that they ended up finishing their drinks before the movie was even over._

_At twelve thirty, Harry came out of the music room to find the two of them doubled over in laughter after Zayn smacked his head on the coffee table._

_“You guys are being loud,” Harry grumbled, looking at them like they were the most ridiculous people on earth – which they probably were in that moment._

_“Oh, sorry, musical prodigy. We’ll quiet down so you can write your symphony in peace,” Zayn snarked, rolling his eyes, taunting his step-brother, using his gift of music as an insult._

_“Zayn, be nice,” Alyssa said, smacking his arm._

_God knows if they weren’t nice, little Harold would probably march straight upstairs to his daddy’s room and tell them all about what they were doing. And they both knew they got into enough trouble with each other sober. They didn’t need their parents catching them drunk._

_“Are you drinking?” Harry asked as his eyebrows furrowed when he picked up Zayn’s empty glass, sniffing it._

_“Give it back, Harold!” Zayn yelled, using the nickname Harry hated so much. He used to always yell ‘my name isn’t HAROLD’ at the top of his lungs ever time Zayn would call him it as a kid._

_“Zayn, shut up!” Alyssa growled at him, trying to keep him in line._

_“I can’t believe you’re drunk. Where did you get the alcohol?” Harry asked incredulously._

_“The kitchen,” Zayn snickered._

_“You guys are stupid, you know that? Really, really stupid,” Harry scoffed, glaring at Zayn disapprovingly before turning it on Alyssa._

_Why was this kid making her feel so immature? But truth was, Harry was ten-times more mature than her and Zayn combined. When she and Zayn got together their IQ’s dropped. They were practically mental with each other._

_“Go to bed,” Harry snapped at them._

_“Shut the hell up, Harry!_ You _go to bed,” Zayn snapped, making a move to shove him, but Harry easily stepped out of the way causing Zayn to nearly fall off the couch and hit his head again._

_“Stupid,” Harry said under his breath as he rolled his eyes._

_He set Zayn’s glass down on the coffee table and stalked out of the room, thankfully for their sakes, only heading upstairs to bed._ _Alyssa and Zayn sat silently for a few minutes waiting to hear the wrath of their parents if Harry went to wake them, but it never came. They were safe._

_“I am getting kind of tired,” Alyssa told Zayn after Harry blew her buzz._

_“Yeah, me too,” he said quietly as he grabbed the remote, turning off the TV._

_“Come on,” Zayn said, shutting off the light once he reached the stairs._

_“Zayn!” Alyssa shrieked because she was still trying to navigate out of the room, and the pitch black wasn’t helping her one bit. She heard Zayn’s laugh before he flipped the light back on._

_“Dick,” Alyssa grumbled under her breath as she shoved him, which only made him laugh again._

_The process of walking up the stairs proved to be no easy feat in the state they were in. They had to coordinate their feet, their brains and their voices as to not wake up the parents – not easy at all. Alyssa tripped going up, catching her toe on the lip of the step. She reached out to grab what she could so she wouldn’t fall, and ended up grabbing onto Zayn who was in front of her, unintentionally causing her to practically tackle him down onto the stairs._

_“Fuck, Lyss,” he grumbled, muffling his laugh as he turned his body toward her while her body lay atop his._

_“Sorry,” she said before the giggles began rolling out of her._

_“You’re out of control,” he laughed, clamping his hand against her mouth once again, stifling her manic giggles. She quickly pried his fingers from her mouth, sending him a glare._

_“Stop that,” she snapped, swatting at him, but he grabbed her wrist easily before she made contact._

_Alyssa’s breathing caught in her throat as her eyes met with Zayn’s and he stared back at her. Only then did she feel the intimacy of their situation, and it made everything inside of her take notice. She was lying atop the boy she loved for three years. Their faces were so very, very close to one another’s. If she moved her head forward one more inch their mouths would be touching. All of the daydreams of kissing Zayn flooded her mind in that moment and she wanted it to happen more than anything._

_“Lyssy…” He breathed, his tongue darting out, swiping across his lips, completely teasing and taunting her._

_“I hate that nickname,” she told him, her voice coming out breathier than she wanted it._

_“I know…” He said, looking at her dead in the eye, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he swallowed._

_Zayn’s face was beautiful from afar – from a safe distance she could easily stare at him without him knowing – but nothing could compare to seeing him up-close. He was borderline perfect. He had his little quirks of course, but all his flaws just made him that much better. She was hooked._

_He blinked his eyes, his eyelashes fluttering as he did, and he had her mesmerized. Seconds later his lips were on hers and she was literally dying. She couldn’t believe it. He wasn’t her first kiss, but it was definitely the best._

_His lips were soft and supple – everything she ever imagined they’d be. The kiss was tender at first – just their lips pressing together in slow motions before it grew into a life force all its own. When Zayn’s fingers sunk into the back of her hair and his tongue slipped into her mouth, sliding with her own, she was screaming internally. It was the best thing that ever happened to her since she developed the stupid crush on him, and she was beside herself with desire for him. She relaxed against him, and their bodies melded perfectly together as they lay atop the stairs. She would have sold her soul to the Devil for that kiss to never end._

_But Zayn pulled away sooner than she hoped for and looked at her, his eyebrows furrowed in question. She was completely silent. She didn’t want to screw anything up by talking. She could only hold her breath as he looked into her eyes. She felt so entirely vulnerable, like he was about to chastise her over the kiss – even when he was the one who kissed her. He wasn’t saying anything, and she wasn’t saying anything. And she couldn’t breathe._

_When he leaned in again, meeting his lips with hers again, Alyssa went straight to Heaven. She was certain she would never recover._

_“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Zayn’s seventeen-year-old sister Doniya interrupted them._

_The two of them shot apart from each other faster than the kiss happened, seeing Doniya standing at the top of the steps. She was in shorts and a t-shirt, her hair in a messy bun on the top of her head, having obviously just woken up._

_“What are you two doing?” Doniya asked, looking so entirely confused from finding them in such a compromising position._

_“Nothing,” Zayn snapped as he stumbled to a standing position, leaving Alyssa where she was._ _She was frozen. Something magical just happened to her and well, like she said, she died._

_“That didn’t look like ‘nothing’,” Doniya said with her hands on her hips, staring down at the two of them. She was almost eighteen. She knew all about hormones and pheromones and sexual tension. She wasn’t born yesterday._

_Zayn scoffed as he stalked up the rest of the stairs, pushing passed Doniya, making his way to his room. Alyssa’s heart stung as she watched Zayn disappear. He didn’t even bother to help her up. He just left her there to fend for herself with his god damn older sister with the judgmental eyes._ _Alyssa pulled herself to her feet as Doniya watched her. When their eyes met, they just kind of stood there silently for a beat too long, making it ten-times more awkward._

_“You okay, Alyssa?” Doniya asked, concern washing over her features._

_“Uh, yeah. I’m fine,” she lied, looking away from her, avoiding eye contact at all cost. She was too embarrassed._

_“Need some help?” Doniya asked as Alyssa stumbled up the rest of the steps._

_“I-I’m good,” she said, gripping on to the banister, bypassing Doniya altogether as she made the same trek Zayn did toward his room._

_Zayn was throwing off his shirt and immediately stripping out of his pants as Alyssa turned the corner into his room. He was left in only his boxer briefs before he tugged on a pair of pajama pants, leaving Alyssa completely breathless. She saw it all before – every inch of skin he was showing, anyway – but it always got to her. Always._

_“Maybe you two shouldn’t share a bed anymore,” Doniya pointed out as she walked up behind Alyssa in the doorway of Zayn’s room._

_“Shut the hell up, Doniya,” Zayn grumbled as he crawled into his bed, throwing the covers over himself._

_“Believe me, we’ll be fine,” Alyssa said, turning to tell Doniya._

_When Zayn got in his little pissy moods, there was no getting him out of them unless_ he _wanted to. Alyssa had no chance of being kissed again – at least not that night._

_“Be careful, Lyss,” Doniya quietly told her._

_“I’ll be fine,” Alyssa sighed._

_Alyssa’s eyebrows knit in question as Doniya turned and made her way back down the hallway toward the stairs where she was headed in the first place before she caught her and Zayn making out. She couldn’t figure out why Doniya thought she needed to say something like that, like she was warning her or something. She tried to shrug it off as best she could because she was pretty drunk and her head seemed like it was spinning, but she was certain her words would circle her brain for longer than she cared to admit._

_Alyssa quietly changed into her pajamas, completely sure that Zayn wouldn’t dare turn around because he was sulking for whatever reason. She didn’t understand him sometimes. Once she was changed, she crawled in next to him and shut off his bedside lamp._

_With the lights out and her eyes closed, the spinning of her head only seemed to get worse until it actually felt like she might fall. That was when she realized it had to do with something more than the whiplash Zayn gave her when his mood did a one-eighty. The alcohol was leaving her thoroughly fucked up – enough for her to be unable to close her eyes without feeling like she was dying._

_“Zayn…” Alyssa whispered through the darkness._

_“Hmm,” he grumbled._

_“Do you feel that?” She asked vaguely._

_“Feel what?” He snapped._

_“Everything is spinning. Make it stop spinning,” she whined, pressing her palms to her forehead, her fingers gripping onto the hair on the top of her head._

_“Go to sleep, Alyssa,” he grumbled at her, completely disregarding her dilemma._

_“I can’t close my eyes. I think I’m gonna be sick,” she groaned, feeling her mouth salivating more than usual – a surefire sign that the vomit was coming._

_“You better not puke in here!” Zayn shot at her, turning to look at her incredulously through the dark._

_“I… ohh,” Alyssa groaned as she ripped the sheets off of her body and got out of his bed._

_She stumbled her way out of his room, into the bathroom just in time to upchuck the entire contents of her stomach and then some into the toilet bowl. Halfway through her exorcist-like hurling, she heard someone come into the bathroom._

_“Zayn…” Alyssa moaned into the toilet bowl._

_“No,” she heard and turned to find Harry standing there looking at her, concern written all over his face._

_“Oh, Harry. Go away,” she whimpered as the tears began to stream out of her eyes. She hated puking, so much._

_“You’re sick, Alyssa,” he pointed out obviously._

_“No shit,” she grumbled as she hovered over the toilet trying her best to keep from puking again._

_“Do you want some water?” He asked, his voice soft and nurturing._

_“Just go away, please,” she cried._

_“I’ll get you some water,” Harry said before he quickly left the bathroom._

_He returned a few minutes later with a glass of water and two small tablets, ignoring her pleas to leave her alone._

_“Ibuprofen,” he said, handing both the glass and the pills to her._

_“Thanks,” she said, sitting back against the wall with her legs sprawled out on the cool tile of the bathroom floor._

_Harry slid down next to her, holding his knees up against his chest before wrapping his arms around them._

_“Why did you drink, Alyssa?” Harry asked after a few moments of silence as she greedily swallowed down the water in the glass._

_“Zayn wanted to,” she told him with a shrug as she set the empty glass down between them on the floor._

_“If Zayn jumped off a bridge—” Harry started._

_“Yes, Harry! I would jump off the bridge with him! We’d probably have fun!” Alyssa told him, annoyed with the stupid go-to question. He wasn’t the first one to spew that exact same line to her over the years._

_She got it. She knew she did stupid shit on a whim with Zayn –_ for _Zayn, but she didn’t care. She loved every second of it – except for times like these._

_“Why do you do all this dumb stuff with him?” Harry asked curiously._

_“Because he’s my best friend and I love him,” she told him flat out. What other explanation did he need?_

_“I think you’re blinded by love… or lust… or whatever,” Harry said, sounding way older than he really was._

_“Don’t talk to me about love or lust or whatever, Harry,” she snapped at him, seriously about to punch him if he said one more word about her and Zayn._

_“Alyssa—” Harry began to argue._

_“Just shut up,” Alyssa said, sitting forward, ready to get up to go back to bed._

_But seconds later, all the water she just drank came back up and she was hurling into the toilet again. Harry held her hair back and she cried real tears into the toilet – not only for the discomfort she was feeling, but because it should have been Zayn there, not Harry._

_In the morning Alyssa woke up in Harry’s bed, which confused the hell out of her. Harry was asleep on his floor, and she had no recollection of how she got from the bathroom to his room in the first place or why Harry would decide to let her stay with him, giving up his bed to her._

 

__

Moments like that – seeing the softer side of Harry were few and far between after that. It seemed his opinion of Alyssa spiraled throughout the years, until he no longer had anything nice to say to or about her. She and Zayn were like a thorn in his side – a nightmare he couldn’t escape.

“Earth to Alyssa,” Zayn said, waving his hand in front of her face.

“What?” She asked, snapping out of the daze she was in.

“Why won’t you move in with me?” He asked again, still stuck on a subject she already disregarded.

“God, are we still talking about this?” Alyssa grumbled, rolling her eyes as she zipped up her makeup bag. A second later, she pulled herself to her feet, standing in front of Zayn.

“Yes! I _need_ you, Lyssy,” he whined, trying to get to her by exploiting her weaknesses. He knew exactly which buttons to push to get what he wanted in the end.

“Never call me that again and I’ll think about moving in with you,” she told him, half-joking half-serious.

“You’ve got it,  _Alyssa_ _!”_ He laughed, finding amusement where she couldn’t.

 

That fall, Alyssa found herself moving all her worldly possessions into a three story, three bedroom condo with Zayn Malik, her best friend – the object of her desire. Although they would be sleeping in separate rooms, Alyssa couldn’t help but feel that maybe it was one step closer to getting everything she always wanted.


	2. The one with the cancelled date…

**Fall 2015**

 

“So, Lyssy…” Zayn said, coming into her room without knocking, like he did on most days. The secrets they kept from each other were few and far between.

“I thought we made a deal where I would move in with you and you would _never_ call me that again,” Alyssa grumbled at him from her closet as she stood in her pajamas trying to find something to wear.

“Okay,  _Bossy Rossi_ ,” he laughed as he flopped down in her chair in the corner of her room, where he had a perfect view of her.

Leave it to Zayn to drop one annoy nickname, but then come at her with another one that was even worse. He’d been calling her _Bossy Rossi_ since they were thirteen – a play on her last name, _Rossi,_ and apparently her attitude – and it drove her absolutely crazy.

“I _will_ kill you,” she threatened, glaring over her shoulder at him.

“Come at me,” he taunted as he quirked his eyebrow at her.

“What do you want?” She grumbled, rolling her eyes before she turned to sift through her clothing again. For someone who she pledge undying allegiance to, he sure annoyed the hell out of her most days.

“So my mum and Des are forcing me and the family to go with them to this black-tie charity event next week…” He started to explain.

“ _Cool_ ,” Alyssa said sarcastically as she pulled a shirt off its hanger and threw it over her head.

“Not cool. But hey, I was thinking… I know what would make it cool,” he told her, quirking his eyebrow.

“What?” Alyssa said, turning to look at him again, catching the wide smile he was giving her.

“Oh, no. _No, no, no_ ,” she said, shaking her head, realizing he meant her – that _she’d_ make it cool if she went with him.

“Come on, Lyss. It’s one night! I need a date,” he whined, sitting forward on the chair.

“I swore off things like that with you,” she told him with her hands on her hips in a defensive stance, her eyes narrowed.

“I can’t believe you’re still holding _that_ against me. It was over _four_ years ago!” He retorted.

“It was my senior prom, Zayn!” She snapped at him, still angry over what he did to her.

 

 

**_Spring 2011_ **

****

_“Lyssy?” Zayn asked as they lay in his bed trying to fall asleep._

_“Yeah, Zayn?” She mumbled against the pillow._

_“Do you have a date to prom yet?” He asked, his voice quiet, but not muffled in the slightest, so she knew she heard him correctly. Butterflies erupted in her stomach at the mentioning of the big date looming over them. She knew he hadn’t asked anyone yet. Could this be her shot?_

_“No,” she said quietly, feeling her heart beat pick up immediately._

_“So… do you want to be my date?” He asked, saying the words she hoped to hear all year._

_“Are you… are you serious?” She choked out in question, unable to truly believe what he just asked her._

_“Yeah. I mean, you don’t have a date and I don’t have a date… we’re best friends. Why not? We can go… as friends,” he explained, and her stomach dropped as he friend-zoned her for the umpteenth time._

_“Yeah, friends,” she said quietly, trying to swallow down the lump that was stuck in her throat._

_It was all she was to him – a friend. Even though she knew what they did with each other when they were alone meant more than that. She was his friend-with-benefits. She was a girl with low self-esteem who loved a boy who never loved her back, so she gave it up to said boy whenever he came knocking. She was his go-to girl whenever he didn’t have a girlfriend – hell, even if he did have a girlfriend he would still come to Alyssa._

_“Lyss…” Zayn said through the stillness._

_“Yeah, Zayn?” She whispered, hoping he meant it._

_“You’re my best friend,” he said as she felt his arm wrap around her waist._

_“You’re mine too, Zayn,” she told him honestly._

_Even with the pain of being friend-zoned once again, Alyssa still fell asleep with a smile on her face. She was going to prom with the boy of her dreams. She was a happy girl._

 

 _Prom season was upon them. Alyssa found a beautiful dress for the dance – a strapless red gown with a black lace bodice. It was perfect – everything she imagined her prom dress to look like._ _The night before, she could barely sleep. Zayn was taking her to their senior prom – something she dreamt about for so long. Nothing could take that from her. She would carry the memories with her for the rest of her life._

_But when Zayn showed up at Alyssa’s house the morning of prom with a somber look on his face, she knew something wasn’t right._

_“What is it, Zayn?” She asked as they walked through the foyer of her house on the way to her bedroom._

_“Lyss, stop. I’ve gotta talk to you,” he said, grabbing her arm, preventing her from going any further. By that one act alone, she knew something was up and she wasn’t going to like it._

_“What?” She asked, turning toward him._

_“Kylie…” He started to say and her heart immediately dropped in her chest._

_Kylie was Zayn’s ex-girlfriend. She was a blonde-bombshell of a girl, but she was also a stuck-up cheerleading bitch. Kylie hated Alyssa because she and Zayn were so close. And Alyssa hated Kylie because, for one, she was dating Zayn, and for two, she was absolutely evil._

_“Her parents are letting her go to prom now,” Zayn explained._

_It was a big dramatic event in Zayn’s life when Kylie got caught drinking at a party by the police. She was charged with Minor Consumption, causing her parents to flip out, grounding the crap out of her, and also forbidding her from going to prom. During her lock-down at home, she and Zayn grew apart and eventually broke-up. Alyssa rejoiced over single-Zayn, but apparently it was all for naught._

_“I told her I’d take her to prom,” Zayn said, letting his eyes fall to his feet._

_“You what?” Alyssa whispered as she felt her tears stinging her eyes._

_“I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know what to do,” he said quietly._

_“Tell her to fuck off, Zayn. You said you’d take me,” Alyssa snapped at him._

_Kylie was only a Junior at their high school. She still had a chance at a prom next year. Alyssa was a Senior and it was her last chance at Prom._

_“But…” He began and she knew his mind was already made up._

_“Fuck you,” Alyssa seethed, feeling her entire heart break in half._

_“Lyss, come on,” he scoffed._

_“No! Fuck you, Zayn! Go take her. See if I fucking care! I hope she gives you herpes, you piece of shit!” Alyssa yelled at him before storming up the stairs to her room, slamming the door for good measure. He didn’t follow._

_Alyssa cried all day long as her prom dress hung off her closet door, taunting her. She hated Zayn Malik. She should have known he would do something to fuck up all her plans, and her life. Stupid asshole._

_At around six, Alyssa’s dad knocked on her bedroom door, jarring her out of the slumber she slipped into after her breakdown over Zayn._

_“Sweetie, your prom date is here,” he said, smiling a big goofy grin at her._

_“My what?” She asked, feeling nothing but confused. She was still in her pajamas, having completely given up on prom altogether._

_“There’s a young man waiting for you in the foyer,” he said, smiling at her._

_“No…” She said, but got out of bed anyway._

_If Zayn was standing in the entryway for her, she was going to shit a brick._ _Her heart beat wildly in her chest feeling hopeful for the first time since Zayn crushed her spirits. When she rounded the corner to the stairs, her heart dropped. It was Harry Styles standing in her foyer in a black tux and a rose corsage in his hands._

_“Hi,” Harry said, sending her an awkward smile. He looked a bit nervous._

_“H-Harry. What are you doing here?” Alyssa stammered._

_“I’m taking you to your prom,” he said matter-of-factly._

_“I-I think I’d rather just stay home, Harry,” Alyssa sighed, sending him a pathetic half-smile._

_“Alyssa, I’m standing in front of you wearing a tux. Trisha went through a lot of trouble to scrounge up a prom ticket for me. Please don’t leave me hanging,” Harry told her. She couldn’t help but smile. He sounded so confident about it._

_“Go on, honey,” her dad said, nudging her with his elbow._

_“Why… why would you do this for me?” She stammered, feeling an ache in her chest because of his stupid brother._

_“Because… because, I mean, we were friend at one point, Lyss. I heard what Zayn did, and it made me so angry. Everyone is angry with him. Trisha immediately got on the phone to rent a tux for me, and somehow got the ticket,” Harry said, shaking his head in disappointment._

_“You didn’t have to,” Alyssa said quietly._

_“It’s your senior prom, Lyss. Just because Zayn is a clueless jerk, doesn’t mean you need to miss out on this,” he told her with an optimistic smile._

_“Okay,” she finally agreed, and reluctantly got ready for prom._

_She figured it might be awkward being around Harry after all their years of fighting, but he went out of his way to make sure she was having fun – and she was, up until Zayn came to talk to her._

_“Hey, look at you… with Harry,” Zayn said, smiling excitedly at her._

_“What do you want, Zayn?” Alyssa asked, straight-faced and completely pissed off at him._

_“I just wanted to see you,” he said, and she immediately rolled her eyes._

_“So it all worked out in the end, right? You’re here with Harry and I’m here with Kylie. Win-win,” Zayn said, smiling at her._

_“You just don’t get it, do you Zayn?” Alyssa scoffed at him. He was so oblivious, it was sickening._

_“Get what? You’re at prom,” he said, waving his arms through the air to signify where they were. Alyssa shook her head at him and quickly walked away as the tears began to fall._

_“Alyssa!” He called after her, but he didn’t bother to follow and she didn’t expect him to._

_Alyssa spent the rest of her prom crying outside of the venue as Harry comforted her. He took her home before prom was even over because she couldn’t stand to go back in and face Zayn._

_“Lyss…” Harry said quietly as he cut the engine of his father’s car once they were parked in front of her house._

_“What?” She asked through her tears._

_“Why do you do this to yourself?” He asked, looking at her with pity in his eyes._

_“Last I checked, I wasn’t the one who ditched myself the day of prom,” she spat out bitterly._

_“That’s not what I meant,” he sighed._

_“What_ did _you mean then, Harry?” She snapped at him._

_“Why do you let Zayn treat you like shit? He takes advantage of you and you just let him,” he said, sounding exasperated._

_“He’s my best friend,” Alyssa said evenly – like it was enough of an excuse to let him get away with something like that. It was her only answer whenever anyone asked her that question._

_“You’ve got to draw the line somewhere, Lyss. I know you feel strongly for him…” Harry started to protest._

_“You don’t know anything,” she shot at him. She was taking out her anger on Harry without meaning to._

_“I know you’ve been in love with him for years,” Harry said boldly, his eyes widening._

_“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she scoffed, feeling so incredibly uncomfortable. She just wanted to flee._

_“Alyssa…” Harry sighed._

_“I’ve got to go,” she said, grabbing for the car door handle._

_“Just… be careful. I don’t want Zayn to keep hurting you,” he said, catching her arm quickly._

_She couldn’t do anything but scoff at his words as she pulled herself out of the car, slamming it hard before running up the front walk and disappearing into her house._ _She swore after that night she was done with Zayn. She was done for good. But she was so wrong – she’d never be done with him. Zayn Malik wasn’t someone she could just got over in an instant._

_Sadly enough, she was right about one thing though: she would carry her memories of prom with her for the rest of her life._

 

“Alyssa, it won’t be like that, I promise,” Zayn said, his tone nearly pleading.

“I hate black-tie events,” Alyssa grumbled. Although that was the least of her worries.

“We can get drunk and make fun of people,” Zayn said, smiling brightly at her, like he had the best idea in the world.

“Making fun of people at a charity fundraiser seems a little…  _rude_ ,” she told him, quirking an eyebrow.

“ _Psssh_ , sounds like fun to me. Besides, _Harold_ is going to be there. We can make fun of him,” Zayn said with a laugh.

“I feel like I haven’t seen Harry in ages. How is your twerpy little brother?” Alyssa asked with a smile.

“He’s still a pain in the ass,” Zayn chuckled.

“He always has been,” Alyssa retorted, even though she was silently regarding Harry warmly in her mind.

“He needs to get laid,” Zayn snickered.

“Isn’t he dating that bore of a girl, Samantha?” Alyssa asked, pursing her lips together.

“Samantha is old news,” Zayn said, waving his hand through the air with his words.

“Oh, thank god. Talking to her was like watching paint dry,” Alyssa laughed as she picked up her hair brush.

“Harry seemed to like her,” Zayn said with a shrug.

“That’s because most days, Harry has a stick up his ass,” Alyssa said, pulling the brush through her hair a few times before tying it up into a ponytail.

“See, you love making fun of people with me,” Zayn pointed out.

“That’s because you bring out the worst in me, Malik,” she countered, quirking her eyebrow at him.

“Yeah right! I am your better half,  _Rossi_ ,” he retorted.

“You’re like an inflamed limb I need to have surgically removed,” she shot at him.

“Ouch!” He said, holding his hand over his heart, feigning offense.

“ _You’re_ the pain in the ass,” Alyssa said, rolling her eyes at him.

“But you love me,” he said, smirking at her.

“ _Unfortunately_ ,” she sighed as she rolled her eyes again.

“So, will you be my hot date for the event then?” Zayn asked hopefully, causing Alyssa to let out a groan.

“I swear to God, if I get pawned off on Harry again, I will see to it that your balls are what get surgically removed. You hear me?” Alyssa told him, pointing her finger at him, trying to show him she meant what she said.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, giving her a salute with his hand.

“Just so we’re clear…” She tacked on.

“Thank you, thank you. You’re so good to me,” Zayn said, jumping up from the chair, kissing her on the cheek before he darted out of her room.

She  _was_  so good to him. And he didn’t deserve it.


	3. The one where they got caught…

**Fall 2015**

 

“Lyssy… Alyssa…” She heard Zayn through the fogginess in her mind.

“Hmm?” She mumbled as Zayn shook her awake.

“Wakey, wakey,” he breathed in her ear.

“What do you want?” She grumbled, opening one of her eyes to look at the clock.

“It’s… _three_ in the morning,” she said, burying her face back into her pillow.

“I can’t sleep…” He whined and Alyssa felt his hand snake around her waist, caressing the exposed skin on her stomach.

“Okay. Well, I can so… _goodnight_ ,” she said, rolling away from him.

“Aly…” He whined, grabbing onto her hip, pulling her toward him so her back was pressed firmly against his front.

“Zayn, I’m tired,” Alyssa whined, feeling extra aggravated because he wouldn’t leave her be.

“Too tired for this?” He said as he trailed kisses up her neck.

“Zayn…” She breathed, trying her hardest not to get sucked in, regardless of how good it felt when he touched and kissed her.

As much as she enjoyed sex with Zayn, she enjoyed sleeping just as much. She didn’t want to be woken-up in the middle of the night to fulfil his misogynistic needs. Sleep, as opposed to sex with Zayn, never left her feeling empty when it was over.

“Come on, Aly Cat. I want you so bad,” he moaned in her ear, his voice breathy and _oh so_ sexy.

 _Aly Cat_ – another nickname she wasn’t a big fan of. Although, she could tolerate it, especially if he used it during foreplay or the act itself.

“Zayn…” She whined again.

“Can’t you feel what you do to me?” He asked as he pressed his hardness against the flesh of her backside.

“I think you did that to yourself. You’re addicted to sex, Zayn,” Alyssa said, rolling her eyes.

“I’m addicted to sex with you,” he retorted. But she knew he didn’t mean it – not really.

“That’s because I give it up whenever you ask,” she stated plainly.

“You’re so good to me,” he said as his lips kissed down her shoulder and his hips moved against her bottom once again.

“You don’t deserve it,” she told him sincerely.

“Come on, baby. Are you really going to hold out?” He asked, bucking his hips once again.

“Zayn…” Alyssa said, turning in his arms so she was lying on her back on the mattress. He was breaking down her resolve and it annoyed her. 

He took her flip in position as a green light and wedged himself between her legs. Almost immediately, he bucked his hips into her panty-clad center and she couldn’t help the gasp that fell from her lips. His mouth attached to her neck, sucking so hard she was sure he was going to leave a mark.

“Stop that! I don’t need a hickey when you take me to that charity thing this weekend,” Alyssa snapped, swatting at him. He chuckled above her as he ceased his little suck-fest.

“You’re not a god damn vampire,” Alyssa grumbled.

“Snippy tonight, are we?” He asked, smiling down at her.

“You woke me up from a very good sleep,” she grumbled.

“I guess I’m just going to have to help you relax then,” he said and moved his way down her body.

“Zayn, no…” Alyssa protested immediately as he pulled her underwear down her legs.

“ _Shhh_ …” He hushed her as his mouth met her womanhood.

“Zayn…” She protested again, but as his tongue and lips worked over her, she lost all train of thought.

Zayn really was amazing with his mouth. Usually Alyssa didn’t get the pleasure of being _pleasured_ by him. He was usually a _get in and get done_ kind of sexual partner. But tonight he seemed to be feeling generous.

Alyssa’s fingers weaved into his hair as his mouth did all the work. His tongue swirled and his lips suckled, making her into a hot writhing mess by the time he was done with her. Her moans came out loudly as she came for him, because of him.

“ _Fuck_ , Zayn,” Alyssa breathed heavily

“Fuck me,” he said and chuckled as he looked up at her.

“Get up here,” she said, finally giving in. She had no will power to say no after something like that.

He pulled off his boxer briefs and entered her swiftly. And she couldn’t help but register that the _get in and get done_ Zayn she knew was back. But sometimes that was just what she needed. He pushed himself to his limit, pumping swiftly and strenuously to bring them both to their brinks. It didn’t take him long before he was coming, leaving her in the dust. If he hadn’t just gotten her off during foreplay, she might have been irrevocably pissed at him.

“Did you—?” Zayn asked through his heavy breathing as he rolled off of her.

“Yeah,” she said quietly, lying through her teeth.

“Good,” he sighed, settling in the bed next to her.

Alyssa’s eyebrows furrowed when she noticed he was actually getting comfortable in her bed. Zayn was never one to stick around anymore – not since they moved in together, not when his bed was just down the hallway. Sure they’d fuck, but they never actually slept in the same bed anymore. But now Zayn was sticking around and it surprised the hell out of her. Her look of confusion quickly morphed into a smile that she tried to bite back so he wouldn’t see it. She didn’t want to jinx it.

“Remember all the times we used to have to sneak around to have sex?” Zayn asked with a light chuckle.

“Yeah,” Alyssa answered quietly. They did a lot of sneaking back in the day.

“Oh my god. Remember the time we were babysitting Safaa and Micah? We got into so much trouble for that,” Zayn laughed blithely, and Alyssa couldn’t help but chuckle.

“But we never got caught,” she pointed out.

“Only by Harry,” Zayn laughed.

“Ha. Yeah. I remember,” Alyssa snickered.

 

 

**_Summer 2012_ **

****

_“Why do I always get stuck babysitting?” Zayn whined to his mom and Des about being stuck watching his little sister Safaa over the summer._

_“Because Doniya is working, Harry is working on his music and Waliyha is at summer camp,” his father stated firmly._

_“This is stupid,” Zayn grumbled under his breath._

_“It’s your sister. You can do something to help this family, instead of sitting on your arse all summer long,” Mr. Styles told him._

_“I don’t just sit on my arse,” Zayn scoffed, crossing his arms tightly over his chest._

_“You do two things, Zayn: you sit on your arse, or you run around getting in trouble at every turn. Watching your little sister will ensure I don’t get a call from the local police station saying you and Alyssa have been picked up for something ridiculous,” his step-father lectured him._

_“We’ve never got picked up by the police!” Zayn protested._

_“Yet,” Mr. Styles scoffed playfully._

_“It’s fine, Mr. Styles. Nobody is getting arrested. I’ve got to watch Micah this summer anyway,” Alyssa told both of them._

_“See, your partner-in-crime is stuck watching her little brother too. You might as well be stuck in misery together,” Mr. Styles told Zayn with a light chuckle._

_Zayn shot a look at Alyssa to say ‘what the fuck’, but all she could do was shrug, and try not to laugh._ _She was pretty certain that Des and Trisha weren’t going to take no for an answer from Zayn. She wasn’t sure why he tried to fight it. But Zayn was stubborn through and through._

_“I’m nineteen years old and I am being forced to watch my nine-year-old sister,” Zayn grumbled._

_“Oh, get over it, you baby. It’s not going to be that bad,” Alyssa told him._

_“Yes it is. What if I want to go out? What if I get a girlfriend this summer and I want to take her out?” Zayn asked incredulously. The thought of Zayn getting a girlfriend made Alyssa’s stomach plummet momentarily. But she quickly regained her composure, hoping Zayn didn’t catch on._

_“You act like you’re going to be stuck watching her twenty-four hours a day, Zayn. Stop being a baby,” Alyssa scoffed at him._

_“I’m not being a baby!” He snapped._

_“Be glad you don’t have to get a real job,” she told him with a roll of her eyes._

_Neither Zayn, Harry or his sisters were ever forced to get a job – their family was practically spewing money. Doniya only decided to get a job because her passion was fashion and New York was only a short jaunt away. Harry, on the other hand, shut himself inside the family’s music room working on countless musical pieces. None of which Alyssa had heard for quite a while, which led her to believe he was doing other things besides just working on music in that room. But then again, she was sure Harry hated her, so why would he share his music with her anyway?_

 

_One day in deep into the summer, just after Alyssa and Zayn got home from the beach with Safaa and Micah, Zayn sat the kids down in front of the TV and told them to ‘stay out of trouble’. Alyssa wasn’t sure what the hell Zayn was thinking when he decided to leave two naturally mischievous nine-year-olds to fend for themselves._

_“Zayn, what are you doing?” Alyssa asked as he pulled her up the stairs with him._

_“Taking you to my room,” he stated plainly._

_“Zayn, they’re nine-years-old. We can’t just leave them alone,” she protested immediately as she tried to pull her wrist from his grasp._

_“They’ll be fine, Alyssa. Spongebob Squarepants can babysit them,” Zayn told her._

_“I don’t think—” She began to protest again._

_“Stop thinking so much. All of the doors are locked. They’re smart enough to know not to let strangers in. It’ll be okay,” he said, finally letting go of her arm, only to pull her into his room by her hips._

_“Zayn…” Alyssa whined as he kicked the door closed behind them._

_Within seconds, he had her pinned against it as he kissed up her neck._

_“Zayn…” Alyssa said as both her heart and breathing sped up._

_“You looked so good in that bikini at the beach,” Zayn told her as he pressed himself against her, attaching his lips to her neck._

_She was melting into him. She couldn’t help herself. There was nothing she enjoyed more than when Zayn took control. Being with Zayn was everything to her. She wanted everything with him, and this was the closest she ever got. In those fleeting moments, she was his whole world. And she would take it with great pleasure._

_“What am I going to do when you get a boyfriend, Aly Cat?” He purred against her skin._

_“You’ll be fine,” she managed to choke out._

_“I might have to kick his ass, just to prove you’ll always be mine,” he chuckled darkly._

_That should have been a red flag: ‘Zayn Malik is manipulating you’. But Alyssa couldn’t see passed the part where he said ‘you’ll always be mine’._

_Zayn pulled her up against him and coaxed her over to his bed, lying her down as he took off his shirt. She knew it was irresponsible. She knew their siblings really should be supervised, and it was their job. She also knew deep down that sleeping with her best friend, someone who would never love her the way she loved him, wasn’t healthy. But when she and Zayn got together, they were both mentally defective._

_It didn’t take Zayn long to get them both completely naked. He was on top of Alyssa, kissing her as if their lives depended on it, and she was in seventh Heaven._

_“Lyss…” He breathed against her lips._

_“Hmm,” she hummed._

_“Will you be on top? I want to feel you on top of me,” he told her._

_She bit her lip and nodded her head, feeling a little uneasy about the sexual position she never tried before. It wasn’t something she was used to. Missionary was all they ever did with each other, which was a direct result of Zayn’s unspoken ‘get in, get out’ sexual philosophy. Alyssa was certain he enjoyed the vantage point in the missionary position. To be completely honest, she figured he liked the dominance._

_Zayn watched as Alyssa straddled her legs over his body, positioning herself above him. He smiled up at her and she couldn’t hide the satisfaction in her smile. Her skin covered in goose bumps as she slowly slid down him, enveloping him completely. The moan that fell from his lips was so pleasing, she could almost feel the need for him being sated by that one little noise._

_“Oh, God. You feel so good, Lyss,” he groaned, her name coming out as a salacious hiss on the tip of his tongue._

_Alyssa steadied herself with her knees against his mattress and her palms flat across his bare chest before she began a slow, sweet rhythm above him. Zayn’s own hands came up grabbing at her breasts, rolling the sensitive buds of her nipples between his forefingers and thumbs, causing desperate sensations of need to bloom all throughout her body._

_“Oh, God, Zayn,” Alyssa moaned as her breathing quickened._

_“You’re so beautiful,” he cooed as his hands slid slowly down the length of her abdomen before they settled against her writhing hips._

_“Mmm,” she hummed._

_“Faster,” he commanded and Alyssa quietly complied, circling her hips at a heightened pace._

_When her fast wasn’t fast enough, he began thrusting upward into her, causing deep gasps to escape her throat._

_“Fuck, Zayn,” Alyssa moaned. The friction was almost unbearable._

_“You feel so fucking good,” he grunted as he thrust deeply into her._

_Alyssa almost couldn’t take it, so she stopped moving altogether. He was doing all the work that needed to be done._

_“Zayn, Zayn… Oh, God…” Alyssa hissed, digging her nails into the flesh of his chest._

_“Mmm,” Zayn moaned._

_“Zayn, God…” She gasped hard._

_“So good,” he breathed heavily._

_“Uh, Zayn—” They heard, and it snapped Alyssa completely out of the sexual daze she was in. Her head spun back, registering Harry in Zayn’s doorway._

_“What the hell!? Oh my god!” Harry shouted at them._

_“Shit!” Alyssa cried out, grabbing for Zayn’s blanket as she scrambled off of him._

_“Harry, get the fuck out!” Zayn yelled, sitting up as he covered himself with his hand._

_“Is this really what you two are doing while you’re the two nine-year-olds are downstairs watching dirty movies!?” Harry yelled at them._

_“What!?” Zayn asked, furrowing his eyebrows as he tried to steal some of his blanket away from Alyssa to cover himself up._

_“Yeah, way to be a good influence, you piece of shit,” Harry yelled at Zayn._

_Seconds later, Harry’s vision fell on Alyssa as she hovered inside a cocoon of Zayn’s bedding. His eyes flared with hatred, but softened for a split second before he shook his head and slammed the door behind him._

_“Shit,” Alyssa murmured, feeling like the worst person ever._

_“What did he just say about Safaa and Micah?” Zayn asked._

_“This was a bad idea,” Alyssa mumbled, ignoring his question._

_Zayn quickly got up, pulling his pants up his legs before he started throwing Alyssa’s clothes at her._

_“Thanks,” she grumbled under her breath as her bra hit her in the face._

_“Get dressed,” Zayn said as he threw his shirt over his head._

_Alyssa quickly got up and dressed before following Zayn back downstairs where Harry was sitting on the couch between the two younger kids watching Rugrats._

_“What’s going on?” Zayn asked Harry._

_“I came in here and they were watching some movie where a sex scene was playing. Nudity and everything,” Harry scoffed with his arms across his chest._

_“Safaa!” Zayn yelled at his little sister, which made her cower slightly._

_“Micah!” Alyssa yelled, and he looked up at her with wide eyes._

_“What are you yelling at them for when you two were stupid enough to leave them alone to go do… that?” Harry spat at them, shooting them both a disapproving look._

_“Just shut up, Harry. I’ll kill you if you say anything to my mum or your dad,” Zayn growled at his younger brother._

_Harry’s eyes narrowed into a challenging look before he quickly stood up and grabbed at his brothers t-shirt, pulling him toward the music room._

_“What the hell are you doing?” Zayn yelled at him as Alyssa stood there feeling stunned._

_Harry proceeded to pull Zayn in the music room and slammed the door. Alyssa sat down with the kids on the couch. She didn’t even have to crane her neck to hear what they were saying. Their voices were loud and angered from the get-go._

_“What are you doing with her?” Harry asked his older, reckless brother._

_“It’s none of your business, Harry!” Zayn yelled at him._

_“You’re taking advantage of her,” Harry told him bluntly._

_“She’s not doing anything she doesn’t willingly want,” Zayn retorted immediately. Alyssa felt her cheeks heat up immediately._

_“Because she’s in love with you!” Harry screamed, and Alyssa never wanted to hurt him more in her entire life than she did in that moment. How dare he say something like that! He didn’t have the right._

_“Micah, we should go home,” Alyssa told her little brother as she quickly stood on her feet, trying to ignore the fight in the other room._

_“Uhhh,” both Safaa and Micah whined._

_“Come on,” Alyssa said, patting his shoulder as she walked around the couch toward the stairs. She wanted to get out of there. She was completely mortified._

_“Just leave me and Alyssa the hell alone, Harry! It’s none of your damn business,” Zayn yelled as he threw open the music room door._

_Alyssa froze in apprehension at the bottom of the stairs. She was scared of what Zayn would say, what he would do._

_“Where are you going, Alyssa?” Zayn asked, his voice softening immediately._

_“We’re just gonna… go,” she told him, trying to avoid eye contact._

_“I don’t wanna,” Micah whined from the staircase._

_“Stay. Just… come on. Hang out,” Zayn said, giving her a small smile._

_“Zayn…” Alyssa hesitated, biting at her lip. She didn’t want there to be a chance where he questioned her about what Harry said._

_“Come on, we’ll watch Rugrats with the rugrats,” Zayn offered, smiling brightly at her._

_“Yeah. Come on, Alyssa. I wanna stay,” Micah whined._

_“He wants to stay,” Zayn pointed out. Alyssa let out a weighted sigh._

_“I want you to stay,” Zayn threw in, and she was completely reeled in – hook, line, and sinker._

_“Fine,” she sighed, giving Zayn a timid smile._

_“That’s my girl,” he said, smiling happily as he threw his arm around her before leading her back to the couch._

_Once Trisha and Des got home from work, Harry told them all about how Alyssa and Zayn neglected to watch the kids and the movie he caught them watching. But he never said anything about their real-life sex scene, which Zayn and Alyssa were both grateful for. Still Mr. Styles was incredibly pissed with them and they got a long lecture about responsibilities. It was the angriest Alyssa had ever seen him. He was so mad at them that she swore he was about to pop a blood vessel or something. But they got through it, and they learned from their mistakes. Well, she supposed it helped them learn ways not to get caught, rather than really learning their lesson. But that was just life with Zayn. He was always pressing the boundaries, and Alyssa was always happy tagging along._

 

“Life just seemed so much simpler back then,” Zayn sighed as he nuzzled into the pillow.

“Simpler? What was simple about growing up? We were getting in trouble left and right for everything we did,” Alyssa scoffed, thinking of how ridiculous Zayn’s statement really was.

“Yeah, we were,” Zayn chuckled.

“We’re adults now… with free reign over our lives,” Alyssa laughed at him.

“I don’t know. I guess it was just easier back then,” he sighed heavily.

“Nothing is ever easy with you, Malik,” she laughed freely.

“You act like you don’t love me,” he laughed, giving her a light shove.

“Ha!” She protested, laughing even more.

“You’ve been very insulting lately,” he pointed out, sending her a look.

“Yeah. Well, you’ve been getting on my nerves a lot lately,” she told him with one last light laugh before she focused on him completely. He sighed before wrapping his arm around her middle, snuggling up to her side.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed against her shoulder blade, making her whole body tensed.

 _Holy shit_. Zayn Malik just apologized? Someone call _Ripley’s Believe it or Not_ – because damn it, she couldn’t believe it! 

“Thank you,” she said quietly and sincerely.

He kissed her lips sweetly before nuzzling his nose against her arm. It didn’t take long before his breathing evened out, and Alyssa was sure he was asleep. But she was left wide awake with only one thing on her mind – _him_.


	4. The one with the confrontation…

**Fall 2015**

 

Alyssa woke the next morning alone in her bed, which was no surprise. Zayn wasn’t one to stick around after he got what he wanted. It was disappointing, but if she let every disappointing thing Zayn did get to her, she would be a very unhappy person. She tried her best not to let his escape-act bother her. 

She needed coffee. If she was going to get through the day, she was certain she needed coffee. She stumbled her way out of her room, immediately surprised by the smell of food. It wasn’t every day she woke up to the smell of bacon wafting throughout her house.

“Zayn?” Alyssa called out, confused on whether or not it was actually him that was doing the cooking.

“Hey, Lyss! In the kitchen,” he announced, and she immediately followed his voice and the lovely smell of breakfast. 

She walked into the kitchen with a confused look on her face. Zayn was standing in front of the stove cooking up some eggs and turkey bacon. He was fully clothed, and it almost disappointed her until she saw Harry sitting at the kitchen table drinking a glass of orange juice. Her spirits sank instantly. She sighed as she walked toward the cupboard that housed the glasses and grabbed one for herself. 

“You want some food?” Zayn asked as he playfully smacked her bum.

“Zayn!” Alyssa giggled, sending him a sharp glare.

“Whatever you want, I’m making it,” he said, smiling at her as his eyebrows bounced freely.

“Eggs and bacon is fine,” she told him.

“Okey-dokey,” he said as he contently scooted the scrambled eggs around in the frying pan.

Alyssa walked toward the kitchen table where the jug of orange juice sat and poured herself a glass, eyeing Harry skeptically as he read the _Arts & Leisure_ section of the newspaper. Alyssa eyed him, wondering what the hell he was doing at their house at such an early hour.

“Hey,” Alyssa said quietly to Harry as she walked toward an open seat at the table, deciding she should probably be cordial. Harry’s response was that of a grunt. Apparently she didn’t even dignify words from him these days.

“Nice talking to you, too. You’re such a breath of fresh air around here, Harold. Not a nuisance at all,” Alyssa said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. He sent her a glare and she returned it right back as she sat down across from him at the table.

“Can’t you two just get along?” Zayn called over.

“Not until Harry grows up,” Alyssa scoffed.

“Me!? I’m not the one who does stupid shit every single day of my life. That’s you two!” Harry protested immediately.

“Like what?” Alyssa shot back at him, feeling absolutely annoyed by his presence.

“Oh, how about the time you two super-glued a hundred-dollars worth of quarters to my bedroom floor,” Harry stated irritably.

“Come on, that was funny!” Alyssa laughed, turning to look back at Zayn who was chuckling to himself at the stove.

“Yeah, I’m sure it was funny when you had to pay to get the floor refinished,” Harry scoffed, rolling his eyes as he shook out the creases in the newspaper.

“It was worth it!” Zayn called out.

“It was,” Alyssa giggled into her glass of orange juice.

“Or how about the time you replaced all my white v-necks with toddler sizes and tried to blame Trisha for shrinking my clothes,” he pointed out.

“Ha! Classic!” Alyssa laughed, clapping her hands together. She and Zayn were little shits back in the day, and she loved it.

“Come on, we _so_ got you with that one,” Zayn laughed, turning to acknowledge his little brother from across the kitchen.

“My point is, you two need to grow up! I can’t imagine all the crap you’re getting into now that you’re live together,” he scoffed as he folded up the paper and tossed it down on the tabletop.

“We don’t get in trouble anymore. We’re adults. We do what we want,” Alyssa told Harry, quirking her eyebrow at him.

“Adults don’t have to say they’re adults to prove they’re adults,” Harry quickly shot at her.

“What? You’re confusing,” she said, looking at him oddly, his words tangling in her brain. He scoffed again, shaking his head at her.

“Here, beautiful,” Zayn said, placing a plate of eggs and bacon in front of Alyssa. He kissed her on the head before he went back to his post at the stove, singing to himself.

“Thanks, Zaynie,” Alyssa said, smiling brightly.

She looked up to find Harry glaring at her. His eyes flashed with the hint of jealousy before they settled on complete distaste. 

“ _What?”_ Alyssa shot at him.

“Why do you put up with him?” Harry asked in a hushed tone. Alyssa glared at him for a moment before she scoffed.

“Why do I put up with him making me breakfast and being sweet to me? I don’t know, Harry. Why would I ever put up with that?” Alyssa said sarcastically, getting so annoyed with him butting in where he didn’t belong.

“You know that’s not what I mean,” he countered immediately.

“Harry, mine and Zayn’s relationship is none of your business,” she told him as she took a bite of a piece of turkey bacon.

“What relationship? He screws you, but goes out and screw other girls too. He treats you like garbage most days and you just let him walk all over you,” Harry spat out angrily, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

“I don’t need a lecture from _you_ ,” Alyssa snapped.

“I’ve watched you fall apart over him for years, Alyssa…” Harry began. But she didn’t want to hear another word he had to say. He was bitter and negative, and she didn’t want to hear it – not on a day when Zayn’s maniac side was in full swing.

“Shut up. Seriously, Harry. Just shut up,” Alyssa growled at him.

“You’re in denial,” he threw in, causing her to scoff again.

“And you’re an asshole,” she shot at him.

“How am I an asshole? I’ve been trying to look out for you for years,” he scoffed incredulously.

“Just stay out of it!” Alyssa yelped, feeling the anger welling up inside of her. She didn’t need him to _‘look out for her’_. She didn’t need him to bother at all.

“You’re weak,” he scoffed, sitting back in his chair.

“What are you two arguing about now?” Zayn asked as he walked into the dining room with his own breakfast plate. He took the seat next to Alyssa, and sat down, looking between them.

“Nothing,” they both said as they glared at one another. 

There was an unclenching tension during the remainder of breakfast – between Harry and Alyssa at least. It definitely rivaled the night and morning after Harry caught her and Zayn in bed together that first time.

 

 

**_Summer 2012_ **

****

_After Mr. Styles got done lecturing the hell out of Alyssa and Zayn for being so careless while watching their siblings, he received a phone call from Alyssa’s mother. She had to work late and wondered if Micah and Alyssa could spend the night. Des and Trisha obliged willingly, but made sure to let Alyssa and Zayn know they were still in trouble as far as they were concerned. Naturally, they both shrugged it off completely and went about their night like it was any other day. Mr. Styles always blew his top over their antics, but in the end, he was always just the loveable teddy bear of a man he looked like from afar. He was like a second father to Alyssa._

_Micah and Safaa picked out a movie – a PG one – and went to watch it in Safaa’s room. Doniya, Zayn, Harry and Alyssa sat in the TV room watching the movie_ Bridesmaids _. Alyssa sat between Doniya and Zayn on the couch while Harry sat in his dad’s recliner. Alyssa kept catching Harry staring over at her and Zayn and it was bugging the hell out of her because she knew it was because of what he witnessed earlier in the day. Little perv. But more than being a pervert, she knew he was pissed about it. They were pretty careless after all._

_After the movie finished, the four of them dispersed. Doniya went to bed because she had to work early in the morning. Zayn and Alyssa went to his room to get their pajamas on. And who knows where Harry went. Zayn gave Alyssa a pair of shorts and a t-shirt to wear and she went to the bathroom to change – to appease Des and Trisha who were oblivious to her and Zayn’s sexual relationship. As Alyssa was coming out of the bathroom, she heard Harry talking to his dad in his and Trisha’s bedroom._

_“Don’t you think Zayn and Alyssa are getting a little too old to be sharing a bed?” Harry asked him._

_“Harry, they’ve been having sleepovers since they were thirteen. I think they know how to handle themselves with each other. Besides, they’re nineteen. They’re adults,” Des said, shrugging Harry off._

_“Yeah, but, it’s weird,” Harry continued._

_“If we were going to forbid them from having sleepovers we would have done it a long time ago. His mother and I trust them, Harry,” he went on to say._

_“I think you’re a little too trusting,” Harry mumbled. Alyssa’s heart began to pound in her chest at the thought of Harry telling his father what he saw earlier. That little shit._

_“Do you know something I don’t know, Harry?” Des questioned him._

_“N-no. I’m just saying… it’s weird,” Harry said, causing Alyssa to breathe a breath of fresh air. He kept their secret and Alyssa was grateful, but she was also pissed he would even bring up the topic with his dad._

_“I trust Alyssa,” Des threw in._

_“Like I said, I think you’re a little too trusting,” Harry said again. Alyssa growled under her breath, certain she was going to threaten the life out of that little twerp when she got her hands on him._

_“Harry, go to bed,” Des said finally._

_“Fine,” he scoffed and stomped out of the bedroom._

_Alyssa immediately grabbed him by the shirt collar and pulled him into his own bedroom, pushing him aggressively down on his bed._

_“What the hell, Harry?” Alyssa snapped at him, glaring down at him._

_“What?” He asked, looking up at her with wide, terrified eyes._

_“I heard the crap you were saying to your dad – about how he shouldn’t trust me and Zayn,” Alyssa said, replaying the events._

_“Well, he shouldn’t!” He said boldly._

_“It’s none of your god damn business. We’re nineteen-years-old,” Alyssa told him in a hushed tone._

_“And how long have you been screwing him? Huh, Alyssa?” He shot at her._ _Her eyes narrowed again. She wanted to punch him straight in the nose._

_“You think I don’t know?” He asked._

_“Shut the hell up,” she snapped at him, trying to sound as threatening as possible._

_“He’s just using you for sex,” Harry told her._

_“Zayn and I are best friends,” Alyssa countered, as if it was the end-all and be-all of answers to anything regard her and Zayn._

_“And nothing more,” Harry shot at her bitterly._

_“What the hell is your problem with me? You’re such an asshole and I never did anything to you,” she told him, feeling hurt by his statement, even though deep down maybe she knew it was true._

_“I don’t have a problem with you,” he told her, looking at her absurdly._

_“Except for the fact that you’ve practically made it your life goal to get me into trouble,” Alyssa scoffed impatiently._

_“You’ve done that all on your own. The world doesn’t revolve around you, Alyssa,” he told her, rolling his eyes._

_“You used to be such a nice kid, Harry. When did you become so bitter and spiteful?” She told him._

_“When did you become so dependent?” He asked, answering her question with a question._

_“Dependent?” She shot at him._

_“Yeah, on Zayn. When did you become so close-minded? So unoriginal? Zayn’s changing you and not for the better,” Harry spat out, tearing her down even further._

_“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” Alyssa told him with a heavy scoff._

_“That’s because you’re heads stuck so far up Zayn’s ass. All that matters to you is him,” he pointed out._

_“You’re getting on my last nerve, Harry. You have no idea what you’re talking about,” she told him._

_“Whatever. I’m done,” he said, crossing his arms tightly over his chest._

_“Done with what?” She asked angrily._

_“Dealing with you two! Have fun with each other. I hope you’re happy – even though I know you won’t be because Zayn is an ASSHOLE!” Harry started yelling and continued yelling at her as she walked out of his room, not wanting to listen to his bitter words anymore. He could deny it all he wanted – he had changed._

 

_The next morning was a silent one. No one seemed to want to speak at breakfast. Zayn was too tired, almost falling asleep in his Cheerios. Safaa and Micah already ate and were watching cartoons in the TV room. Harry and Alyssa sat across from each other feeling the tension between them, but not saying a word about it. Alyssa wanted nothing more than to just go home and forget about both Zayn and Harry for a little while._

_“What is with you two?” Zayn asked, looking back and forth between the two of them._

_“What do you mean?” Harry asked his older brother._

_“You’ve been giving each other death glares all morning,” Zayn pointed out. Sure, he decided now to finally be aware of his surroundings._

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Harry said, still staring spitefully at Alyssa._

_“Harry was tattling to your mom last night about how we shouldn’t be sleeping in the same bed anymore,” Alyssa told Zayn, being just as spiteful. Harry’s eyes narrowed into slits as he looked at her. If looks could kill…_

_“You didn’t tell, did you!?” Zayn snapped._

_“No! You’re still alive, aren’t you? Pretty sure my dad would have killed you. And then Alyssa’s dad would have revived you and killed you again,” Harry scoffed, sending a glare in Zayn’s general direction._

_“You better keep your fucking mouth shut,” Zayn warned his little brother in a hushed tone._

_“Or what?” Harry challenged him._

_“Or I’m going to kill you and then Zayn’s going to revive you and kill you again,” Alyssa told Harry, using his words against him._

_“You guys are both fucked in the head. I am so sick of you two! You piss me off so much!” Harry yelled, scrapping his chair back against the floor as he got up._

_“What the hell is your problem?” Zayn asked, watching as Harry made his way toward the sink._

_“You guys get away with EVERYTHING and I’m sick of it! When you’re around each other you’re like a chemical explosion, just messing with everybody! I am sick of it! You two need to grow the HELL UP!” Harry yelled before he threw his cereal bowl in the sink and stormed out of the kitchen._

_Alyssa sat at the table, swallowing back the lump in her throat, because she knew he was right._

_“I think I’m going to take Micah home,” she said quietly as she got up from her own seat. Zayn nodded and let her leave without another word._

 

Zayn finished up his breakfast, scarfing it down before Harry and Alyssa were even half way through theirs. Alyssa wasn’t feeling all that hungry after reliving the memories she just did. It was nearly three and a half years later and she and Harry were still having the same conversation. She and Zayn never grew up – they were still a chemical explosion, corroding and damaging everything.

Zayn stood up and made his way back to the kitchen to clean up the mess he made while making breakfast.

Harry was quietly eating as Alyssa watched him. He was so peaceful when he wasn’t talking, but there was something written all over his face – a sadness she couldn’t put her finger on. He was twenty-one now. He turned into such a handsome man – so talented in everything he did. He was so different from Zayn. Every feature on his face was lighter and brighter than Zayn’s, right down to his olive green eyes. Alyssa sat there silently wishing they could resolve the bitterness between them and be friends again. She wished their friendship hadn’t deteriorate throughout the years. 

“Harry…” Alyssa said quietly.

He looked up at her, a hopefulness crossed through his eyes before they went back to their usual callousness he wore when he looked at her.

“ _Hmm_ ,” he grunted.

“I’m sorry,” she said in almost a whisper.

“For what?” He asked, his voice cracking. The expression on his face showed he didn’t expect those words to come out of her mouth.

“For everything. For taunting you and being a jackass with Zayn. I’m sorry. I wish we could have stayed friends. You were always a good friend,” she told him.

He nodded, swallowing noticeably. Alyssa could tell he was taking all of her words in, digesting them. It seemed like something he waited to hear all these years – an apology.

“I’m sorry, too,” he said quietly.

“Do you mean it?” She asked hopefully.

“Yes. Do you?” He asked, his eyes light, yet vulnerable.

“Yes,” she said and nodded, meaning it whole-heartedly.

He nodded again, before clearing his throat. Without another word, he stood up from the table, grabbing his plate, before he made his way to the kitchen. Alyssa was left sitting there feeling weighted. She still felt like there was so much left to say.


	5. The one with the birthday...

**Fall 2015**

 

Alyssa woke up to hear the sound of some obnoxious girls laugh echoing through the condo. It only meant one of two things… Zayn was entertaining a stupid bimbo that he more than likely spent the night plowing, or for some reason he decided to hire a new maid. Something told her immediately it wasn’t the latter.

Alyssa looked over at the clock to see it was only eight a.m. She was already so thoroughly annoyed. It was her one day that week to sleep in and she was being woken up way too early. She rolled out of bed, not bothering to care what she looked like and made her way to the kitchen.

Zayn was standing in front of the stove cooking, while some blonde chick was sitting on the kitchen counter wearing Zayn’s boxers and a t-shirt – her slutty little nipples protruding out through the thin fabric. Alyssa rolled her eyes at the sight of the two of them. 

“Lyssy, hey. Morning,” Zayn said cheerfully, catching a glimpse back at her quickly before turning back to the stove. She let out a grunt, just an inkling of a response.

“Lyss, I want you to meet Amber. Amber, this is my best friend, Alyssa,” Zayn said, introducing the two of them as he slid two egg white omelets out of the frying pan onto a plate. Alyssa scoffed as she made her way across the kitchen to grab a mug for coffee. She was in no mood for Zayn to call her ‘Lyssy’ or to meet his latest conquest. 

“Please get your ass off of my kitchen counter. We prepare food on it,” Alyssa shot at the girl, sending a glare in her direction. Amber’s smile faded instantaneously as she slunk down from the counter moving closer to Zayn.

“Forgive her. She can be a _bitch_ when she wakes up,” Zayn said, emphasizing the word ‘bitch’.

“Yeah and you can be an _asshole_ pretty much every second of your life,” Alyssa shot at him. She really did not feel like dealing with any of his bullshit. She had enough for a lifetime.

“Fucking moody,” Zayn said under his breath.

“You know Zayn, this is exactly the reason I didn’t want to move in with you,” Alyssa snapped as she spun toward him dramatically.

“And what’s that, Alyssa?” He asked, giving her attitude, narrowing his eyes as he looked back at her.

“Because you’re a _slut_ that brings _sluts_ here. Don’t expect to be invited back,” Alyssa snarled before directing her foul mood on the girl again.

“Alyssa! What the _fuck_ is your problem!?” Zayn yelled, his voice booming.

“You!” She shouted, slamming her coffee cup on the counter before storming out of the kitchen.

Zayn didn’t come after her and she didn’t really give a shit. Something inside of her snapped. Zayn could go fuck himself for all she cared.

It wasn’t until nearly noon when she found Zayn leaning against her bedroom door frame, arms crossed, tight lipped. 

“Jesus Christ! Why would you sneak up on me like that!?” Alyssa yelped, holding her hand over her heart.

“Uh, I just want to remind you about the charity thing tonight,” he said evenly. His voice was detached, withdrawn and she knew he was mad at her.

“Yeah, how could I forget?” Alyssa sighed, rolling her eyes.

“Look, if you don’t want to go…” He started, his voice taking on annoyance.

“Don’t fuck with me, Zayn. I already got a dress and I’m supposed to be at your parent’s house by three to get my hair and makeup done with your mom and your sisters,” Alyssa snapped, sending an incredulous look at him.

“What the hell is your problem today? Are you on your period or something?” He asked, cocking his head as he looked at her.

“ _Fucking shit,”_ Alyssa mumbled under her breath.

Why was that the go-to reason when a girl was in a pissy mood? Girls get angry for other reasons besides their periods, okay. Mainly being the men in their lives _fucking_ them over.

“What?” He shot at her.

“No! I am not on my period, Zayn,” Alyssa yelled back.

“What is _with_ you?” He asked frustrated, throwing his hands up in the air.

“I am just realizing how bad of an idea this all was,” she told him, shaking her head, wishing she never took the step to move in with him.

“What? Moving in with me?” He asked.

“Yes!” She said exasperated.

“Just because I had _one_ girl over!? What makes you think I’m just going to sleep her and leave her?” Zayn asked.

“Because that’s what you do!” Alyssa yelled at him.

“I like her,” he said quietly.

“ _Pfffft_. Sure,” Alyssa scoffed.

“You know what? Fuck you, Alyssa,” Zayn snapped, leaving her doorway.

“No, _fuck you_ ,” she said as she took two long strides to her door and slammed it shut.  _Asshole._  

Alyssa decided to grab the things she needed for the night to head over to the Malik/Styles house earlier than expect. She could hang out with Doniya or Waliyha. And if they weren’t there, she could hang out with Trisha. Either way, she wouldn’t be under the same roof as Zayn _biggest-asshole-in-the-world_ Malik.

When Alyssa arrived at their home, she let herself in. She couldn’t even remember the last time she knocked. It was as normal as breathing to she walk in. After all, she was family in their eyes.

The house was eerily quiet for twelve-thirty on a Saturday. There was no hustle and bustle of their parents. No incessant talking from Doniya and Waliyha. No running around like a crazy person by Safaa. And Harry, well he usually was shut up in the music room, so he was never that loud anyway. 

“Hello?” Alyssa called out. _Silence._

 _Hmm._ Alyssa immediately wondered why the door was unlocked if nobody was home? She moved toward the staircase to ascend the stairs to see if maybe someone was hiding in their room or something.

“Alyssa?” She heard Harry’s voice coming from the bottom of the basement stairs.

“Harry… _holy shit_. You scared me,” she said, holding her heart. 

“Wh-what are you doing here?” He asked, his stutter not lost on her.

“Uh, Zayn and I got into a fight. I was supposed to meet Trisha and your sisters here at three, so I just… came early,” she told him.

“You got into a fight?” He asked with genuine worry in his voice.

“Uh, yeah,” she said, waving it off. She really had no energy to re-hash it with Harry.

“What about?” He asked, causing her to stare him down like a deer-in-headlights.

“Uh…” She stammered.

“Forget it. You don’t have to tell me,” he said, looking almost pained that he even asked. Alyssa sighed before letting herself relax.

“No, whatever. I just… I called him and his new lady friend sluts to their faces. It was stupid. They were being loud and…” Alyssa began to tell him.

“ _Oh_ ,” Harry said, his eyes going wide for a moment.

“No, not like that. They weren’t—not then anyway. They were in the kitchen…” Alyssa continued, but Harry made another suggestive face, making her laugh.

“They were making breakfast, you perv!” Alyssa laughed, reaching out to swat his arm.

“I get it. They were loud,” Harry let out a little laugh, and it made her realize it had been a long time since she did that. She couldn’t even remember the last time she made Harry Styles laugh. And as she thought of it, she realized Harry made her foul mood disappear. Her smile dropped completely off her face when she realized how weird it made her feel.

“It was stupid. I just… I’m sick of Zayn and all the stupid things he does,” Alyssa said as she looked to her feet, feeling rather vulnerable.

“You _should_ be sick of it,” Harry said quietly.

“Yeah… so… uh, is Trisha home, do you know?” Alyssa asked, changing the subject as quickly as she could.

“She’s out with Safaa and Dad,” Harry replied immediately.

“Doniya or Waliyha?” She asked, hopefulness apparent in her tone.

“Out,” he said, giving her a sympathetic look.

“Damn it,” she breathed.

“Uh, I’m just watching some TV. You could come hang,” he offered with a shrug of his shoulders. 

Alyssa was surprised for two reasons: **1)** Harry Styles was inviting her to _hang out_ with him, and **2)** Harry Styles was _‘just watching some TV’_.

“Since when do you ever ‘just watch TV’?” Alyssa asked with a sly smirk. He shrugged his shoulders with a bashful smile on his face.

“Uh, I’m just gonna drop off my things,” she told him, nodding to the bag and dress weighing down her arms.

“Yeah, sure,” he said, moments before he disappeared back down the stairs.

 _Did she and Harry Styles just have a civilized conversation?_ Wow.

Alyssa took the stairs upward toward the bedrooms of the house. Making her way to Zayn’s old room, it felt wrong in some way. Mainly because he no longer lived there. His room was just a shell of what it once was. The posters and artwork were now all gone – being taken down to be replaced in his art room at the new condo. His closet sat empty, no longer filled with his clothes and junk. His bed still sat there, but only because he got a new one when he moved. Seeing his room like that made her heart wrench in her chest. He wasn’t the same person he once was and she missed him. 

Alyssa swiftly hung her dress on the back of his door and laid her shoes and duffel bag across the end of his bed before retracing her steps back out of the room and down the hallway. She met Harry in the TV room, where he greeted her with a smile. It was the first time they’d been around each other since they had their little breakthrough at breakfast the other morning and it made Alyssa hopeful to rekindle the friendship that was lost over the years.

 

**_Early 2007_ **

****

_“Harry…” Alyssa said quietly as they hung out in the TV room at the Malik/Styles house._

_“Yeah,” he said from his spot next to her on the couch._

_“Happy Birthday,” she told him._

_Zayn, Doniya and Waliyha were passed out in their sleeping bags and blankets on the floor already. It was past midnight, and technically it was now the 2 nd of February. But Harry wanted to stay up late for his birthday, so Alyssa stayed up with him, even though she was extremely tired after waking up early for school that day. But now they had a long weekend and she didn’t care how tired she was._

_“It’s not my birthday anymore,” he said, looking at the clock._

_“It doesn’t matter. As long as we’re still awake, it’s still your birthday,” Alyssa told him, causing a wide smile to form on his lips._

_“What do you want to do?” She asked._

_“I don’t know. What do you want to do?” He asked._

_“We should play a game or something,” she offered._

_“Like what?” He asked, quirking his head._

_“I don’t know. Give me your hand,” she told him._ _He quickly obliged, handing over his hand without question and she flipped it over so his palm was facing up._

 _“Try to guess what I’m writing in your hand without peeking,” Alyssa told him._ _He giggled, but looked away so she could write with her fingertip._

_“I’ll make the first one an easy one,” she told him as she drew H-A-R-R-Y in his palm, one letter at a time._

_“That’s too easy. Harry,” he said, guessing it immediately._

_“Okay. I’ll do another one,” she giggled and wrote A-L-Y-S-S-A in his palm._

_“Alyssa,” he whined._

_“Shut up. Fine, I’ll give you a harder one and it won’t be someone’s name,” she told him._ _She paused for a few moments trying to find a good one._

_“Ah, I’ve got it!” She said having a ‘eureka!’ moment._

_Her finger began tracing S-U-P-E-R-S-T-I-T-I-O-N on his palm. Superstition by Stevie Wonder was Harry’s favorite song. He taught himself how to play it on the piano and since then Alyssa heard his rendition of it countless times. The kid really had serious musical talent._

_“Jeez, could you have picked a longer word?” Harry laughed._

_“You wanted a harder one,” Alyssa giggled, biting at her lip, sure she had him stumped._

_“Can you do it again?” He asked, nudging his hand back into hers._ _She obliged, writing it out slower this time._

_“Starts with an ‘S’,” he said._

_“Yes,” she confirmed._

_Alyssa ended up having to write it out a few more times and giving him two more hints before he came up with the answer._

_“That was a good one. My turn,” Harry smiled, grabbing her hand in his, flipping it palm side up._

_“Give it to me,” Alyssa giggled._

_“I already have it picked out,” he said with a smile._

_Alyssa was incredibly confused when he wrote it out. It was rather long and he wrote it out a little too fast._

_“I have no idea,” she giggled._

_“Come on. Let me do it again,” he said and went about tracing the word again._

_“Starts with a ‘W’?” Alyssa asked, not entirely sure she was right._

_“Uh-huh,” he smiled._ _Alyssa pondered what it could be, but she kept coming up short. She really had no idea._

_“Think back,” he said, giving her the hint that it had to do with a memory they shared together._

_“Do it again,” she told him._

_He traced it one more time, and she really paid attention to every stroke of his finger across her flesh._

_“I’ve got it,” she smirked at him._

_“What is it?” He smiled back._

_“Warriors,” she giggled._

_“Yes!” He laughed, giving her a quick high five._

_‘Warriors’ was the basketball team name Harry and Alyssa chose when she first met Harry and Zayn, along with Zayn’s friend Robbie. The three of them were playing b-ball on the court by the park when Alyssa walked up and asked if they could use another player to make fair teams_

_Zayn and Robbie, being the sneaky little bastards they were, put Harry, the scrawny twelve year old and Alyssa, the girl, on a team together, thinking it would boost their chances of winning. Little did they know, Alyssa had been playing on the girl’s basketball team since she was little and knew a thing or two about scoring on the court. She and Harry dominated against them and nicknamed themselves the ‘Warriors’ because they were so awesome._

_“That was a good one. Better than mine,” Alyssa said, smiling at him as she relived the memory in her head._

_“I liked yours,” Harry said, smiling back at her._

_They continued playing the game for a little while longer before they retreated to their sleeping bags to go to sleep._

_“Harry…” Alyssa whispered once they settled._

_“Yeah?” He replied._

_“Happy Birthday,” she told him again._

_“Thanks, Alyssa. You’re a good friend,” he said, smiling fondly before rolling over and shutting off the TV._

 

__

“Do you remember your thirteenth birthday?” Alyssa asked Harry after she relived the memory in her head.

“Yeah. Why?” He asked, looking over at her from his perch on the couch.

“We used to have so much fun together – just you and me,” she told him, meeting his gaze.

“Yeah.” He nodded.

“We played that stupid word guessing game until we couldn’t keep our eyes open anymore,” Alyssa said, smiling at the memory.

“It wasn’t stupid,” he told her, looking as serious as ever, and it caused her to wipe the smile from her face.

Seconds later he grabbed her hand, placing it palm up in his own. He traced a word on it and Alyssa couldn’t help but smile again. It actually made her want to cry.

“Warriors,” she whispered, the word almost getting lost completely due to the emotional lump in her throat. He smiled and let her hand go before returning his gaze back on the TV.

“I miss you, Harry,” she told him sincerely. His eyes met hers once again and she could see the emotion in them.

“I miss you, too,” he said evenly. 

Alyssa swallowed back another emotional lump in her throat, unable to process what she was feeling or thinking. She just knew she missed her old friend and she wanted him back.


	6. The one with the fight...

**Fall 2015**

 

“Why are you so quiet?” Doniya asked Alyssa as they sat in Trisha’s master bathroom getting their hair and makeup done for the charity event that evening.

“Oh… uh, I’ve just got a lot on my mind,” Alyssa said, sitting up a little straighter in her chair, realizing how blasé she was being.

“Is Zayn being a pain in the ass again?” She asked knowingly. She knew all about how big of a shit her brother could be.

“How’d you know?” Alyssa said sarcastically, smiling weakly at her.

But the truth was, she wasn’t even thinking about Zayn. Her mind was on the boy that was sitting two floors below them – _Harry_. 

“What did he do now?” Waliyha asked, rolling her eyes.

“It was nothing. We just… we kind of got into a fight,” Alyssa told them, trying to wave it off.

“What about?” Doniya asked, sending her a puzzled look.

Alyssa looked over at Trisha who was currently getting her hair put up by the stylist she hired to do all their hair and makeup. She didn’t exactly want to air her and Zayn’s dirty laundry in front of his mother. It didn’t seem right somehow. 

“No need to refrain because of me. I know my son has a terrible track record. He’s always been so careless with people’s feelings,” Trisha said, looking at Alyssa through the mirror.

“We just got into a fight over this girl he had over to the house,” Alyssa told them truthfully, trying to be as vague as possible.

“When are you going to tell him how you feel?” Waliyha blurted out, catching Alyssa completely off guard.

“What?” Alyssa choked out. Her eyes went back and forth between Trisha and Zayn’s sisters, feeling the panic rise in her chest. They were all giving her a knowing look, like they’d known all along.

“Alyssa, everyone knows how you feel about Zayn,” Waliyha said finally.

“Everyone?” She asked, feeling her throat closing up at the thought. Trisha nodded matter-of-factly, giving her a sympathetic look.

“Frankly, I don’t know why you’ve stayed around as long as you have,” Trisha said casually.

“Just tell him,” Waliyha encouraged.

“I-I… I don’t know if I feel that way anymore. Well, yeah, I still _love_ him. He’s my best friend, but… I don’t know…” Alyssa stammered. It was one thing to think those things in her head, but it was a whole other ball game speaking them aloud… in front of people.

“You may be kidding yourself, but you can’t fool us, Alyssa,” Doniya said knowingly, taking a sip of the mimosa she had in her hand.

Alyssa hated it. She hated being so hung up on Zayn. But most of all, she hated that everyone knew.

“I-I… I’m going to go put my dress on,” Alyssa stammered, feeling her whole body heat up with unwanted embarrassment.

“Oh, Alyssa. We didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable,” Trisha called after her.

“No, no. I’m fine. We’ve got to get going. It’s almost time to go,” Alyssa told her before she fled the bathroom. 

She made her way to Zayn’s room – Zayn’s _old_ room, closing the door behind her. She took a deep breath trying to calm her nerves. She hated this. Tonight wasn’t going to be easy to get through – not with the black cloud hanging over her and Zayn.

Alyssa pulled the long black, flowing gown out of the garment bag it was housed in and re-hung it on the door, looking at it. It was a beautiful dress – she just wished someone besides herself would appreciate her in it. 

She removed her clothing and stepped into the gown, trying her hardest to zip it up herself – to no avail. She growled under her breath, realizing she was going to need help to actually finish getting dressed. She opened up Zayn’s door to go back to the master bath so Trisha or one of the girls could finish the job, but as she turned down the hall she bumped smacked dab into another body – Harry. 

“Oh my god!” Alyssa shouted.

“Alyssa,” he said, grabbing her bare arms in his hands to steady the two of them.

“Sorry. I’m sorry,” she said, feeling absolutely flustered.

“It’s okay,” he chuckled, lessening his grip on her before finally letting go altogether.

She was blushing, she knew it. Her ass was practically hanging out of the back of the dress and she was standing in front of her crushes little brother.

“Do you… do you need some help?” He asked, noticing her dress practically falling off of her. 

She had to look down to make sure it wasn’t. She wasn’t wearing a bra and with the back being open, it was pretty loose on her chest. Luckily, it was all good. She wasn’t having a major wardrobe malfunction. 

“Uh, I can’t zip it up myself,” Alyssa told him, her mouth going dry with the words.

“I can help… if that’s okay,” Harry said, and she noticed the slight pinking of his cheeks.

“Uh, as long as you don’t look at my ass,” Alyssa smirked at him, trying to ease the tension a bit.

“I can’t make any promises,” he said, smiling slyly as he slid behind her. 

She felt his fingers grasp the zipper, gently grazing the skin right above the top of her thong. She froze instantly, realizing how intimate it all was. 

“You look beautiful,” Harry said quietly, his voice coming out in more of a whisper.

Alyssa was _shocked._ Absolutely _Speechless_. She had no idea what to say in response. She was silent for a few moments before she finally spoke, her mouth void of all moisture.

“Thank you,” she croaked out, the words coming out slightly raspy.

“You’re welcome,” he replied before she turned to look at him.

He had a slight smile on his face – hidden away at the corner of his mouth.

“You know, you don’t look half bad yourself, Styles,” Alyssa smirked at him, admiring how well he cleaned up in his tux.

“Thanks,” he said as his features took on a full-on bashful smile. 

The moment got awkward in about 2.5 seconds as they stood there looking at each other. Harry cleared his throat, breaking both of them out of their daze.

“So, uh, are the other girls ready?” He asked quickly.

“They’re in the process. What about your dad and, uh, Zayn?” Alyssa inquired.

“We’re all just waiting,” Harry said with a sideways smile.

“Okay, well… I’ll go try to push the girls along,” she told him, darting her eyes away from him.

“Alright,” he said and let her pass down the hallway.

At six p.m. sharp, the whole group of them were rolling out the door to the limo. Zayn didn’t say two words to Alyssa while they waited or even while they were in the limo. He did a great job of ignoring everyone by texting on his phone the whole time. Alyssa kept up an animated conversation with Waliya, Doniya and Alex, Doniya’s boyfriend, to show she didn’t give two shits that Zayn wasn’t talking to her. Trisha and Des talked quietly with one another in the corner of the limo, while Harry sat quietly, looking quite nervous.

Once they arrived at the event Zayn helped Alyssa out of the limo by taking her hand, which surprised the hell out of her. And then he proceeded to hold out his arm to guide her in. If she knew one thing about Zayn though, it would be that the boy loved to make an entrance. His silent treatment continued as they got inside the venue though, going directly to the bar to get a drink, not bothering to offer to get her one. Once he strolled away from the bar, Alyssa walked up to get her own drink.

“Alyssa? Alyssa Rossi?” She heard a male’s voice from behind her. 

She spun to see a face she hadn’t seen in quite a long time – a face that once upon a time she would have loved to stomp on with her stiletto. 

“Hugo Reid,” Alyssa breathed, feeling a wave of resentment and annoyance hit her hard.

“You remember,” he said, sending her an arrogant smile.

“How could I forget?” She retorted spitefully.

 

 

**_Summer 2006_ **

****

_Alyssa was waiting very patiently for Robbie, Zayn and Harry to get to the basketball court so they could play their game. They planned the night before to meet there at noon. But it was now twelve-fifteen and they were nowhere to be seen. Luckily, Alyssa had the ball so she was able to get a little practice in before they got there – not that she needed it though._

_From a distance she saw a group of four boys coming toward the basketball court where she stood. She squinted, but didn’t recognize who it was. She thought it might be the guys, but who would have been their fourth player? As the boys got closer, Alyssa recognize them from school – Hugo, Tommy, John and Shane. They were what you would call ‘popular’. They were on the boy’s basketball team and they literally thought they ruled the school. But they were just a bunch of assholes in her opinion._

_Alyssa groaned inwardly as they made their way onto the court._

_“Get off. We’re playing now,” Hugo told her snidely._

_“No. I’m waiting for my friends. We’re playing,” Alyssa retorted immediately._

_“Seriously, leave,” he snapped at her._

_“No!” She shot back._

_“Don’t make me remove you,” Hugo said._

_“Don’t freakin’ touch me,” she practically growled at him._

_“Listen to the mouth on this one,” Hugo laughed with all his friends._

_“Find somewhere else to play. This court is taken,” Alyssa spat at him._

_“I don’t think you understand,_ lesbian _. We’re playing on this court,” Hugo said viciously._

_“Lesbian?” Alyssa scoffed. If he only knew the thoughts she had for her new friend Zayn, he most definitely wouldn’t be calling her a lesbian._

_“Yeah, you’re flat-chested and you only hang out with dudes. You’re a lesbian,” Hugo retorted. Alyssa was only thirteen. She was working as hard as she could to sprout some boobs – no need to get nasty._

_“What did you just say to her?” Alyssa heard Zayn from behind her._ _She spun to see all three of her friends – Robbie, Zayn, and Harry._

_“Here’s your girlfriends now, LESBIAN!” Hugo said, making fun of all of them._

_Seconds later Alyssa saw Zayn’s fist get introduced to Hugo’s face. She couldn’t believe her eyes. It all happened so fast. All of the guys jumped in to start some sort of basketball court brawl and it was just so surreal, among other things. It was intense and scary – especially seeing her friends fighting… for her. In her honor._

_“STOP! JUST STOP!” Alyssa screamed over and over._ _It didn’t break up until a few parents from the park came and broke it up, sending them all scattering home._

_All of the boys were pretty scuffed up, but Zayn got it the worst. His nose was so bloody that Alyssa was sure it was broken. He had to take off his shirt just to catch the cascade of blood that gushed out of it. Alyssa cried the entire time they walked back to their house. Stuff like that just didn’t happen in real life. But it did happen, and it scared the crap out of her._

_“Don’t cry, Lyss,” Robbie said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder._

_“I’m fine, Alyssa,” Zayn said, rolling his eyes._

_“You’re not! Look at you,” Alyssa cried._

_His shirt was sopping with blood. He had blood dripping down his bare chest. His mouth was all bloody – so bloody that she couldn’t even tell if it was from his nose or if that too was bleeding. It was a nightmare._

_“I’ll be fine,” he assured her again. She just shook her head, knowing it wouldn’t be fine._ _Zayn stopped in his tracks, grabbing her arms in his hands._

_“Lyssy… I am fine. Stop crying,” he told her firmly, looking straight into her eyes._

_“You just got blood on my shirt,” Alyssa said with a straight face._

_“Sorry,” he said immediately._

_Seconds later they both started laughing. They were all a pathetic sight. But Alyssa couldn’t help but ooze out love for the three of them. They were standing up for her in the most obvious way possible. They had her back. She loved them all._

 

__  


“So what have you been up to, Alyssa?” Hugo asked as they stood by the bar, as if Alyssa gave off some vibe that alluded to her _wanting_ to carry on a conversation with him.

“Uh, not a whole lot,” she said before she took a sip of her gin and tonic, her eyes scanning the venue, wondering where her date ran off to. She knew Zayn would be ripe with hatred if he knew Hugo Reid was anywhere in his vicinity.

“You look truly beautiful,” Hugo told her as his eyes scanned up and down her body in an obvious manner – in turn, giving Alyssa the heebie-jeebies. Smugly, she thought to herself, _how do you like my flat chest now, mother fucker?_

“Uh, thanks,” she replied awkwardly, wishing she didn’t have to endure anymore small-talk with him.

“Are you like, still friends with that Malik guy?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow at her.

“Uh, yes. Zayn is still my best friend. We actually live together now. And he’s my date tonight,” Alyssa explained to him.

“If he’s your date then where is he?” Hugo asked, taking a step toward her, making it obvious that he wanted to make a move on her.

“I’m right here,” Zayn said, practically coming out of nowhere, like some god damn white knight, wrapping his arm around her waist, pulling her close to his body. All she could do was stare at Zayn and wonder what the hell was even going through his head at that point. Though, his timing couldn’t have been any more perfect.

“I’ve been looking all over for you, darling,” Zayn said, looking over at Alyssa with a knee-weakening smile. _Darling?_ She knew he was obviously putting on a show for Hugo, but she was more than grateful for it.

“Oh, have you?” Alyssa asked, quirking her eyebrow noticeably.

“Mm-hmm,” he said, leaning his face toward hers. 

Zayn kissed her lips delicately before pulling back. He was playing games, but luckily that time they weren’t with her. He was trying to one-up Hugo.

“Nice to see you again, Hugo,” Zayn said before pulling Alyssa along with him, leaving Hugo in their wake. 

Zayn guided Alyssa to their table with his hand on the small of her back. It felt good to get the hell away from Hugo, because he gave her the creeps, but it unnerved her a little because of the way Zayn did it. They weren’t in a relationship, like he seemed to portray. And it kind of annoyed her that he thought she wanted to pretend with him just to get her away from another guy. What if it was just some random nice guy whose company she was enjoying? Zayn might have ruin something with a potential suitor. 

Alyssa’s annoyance level for Zayn sky rocketed, especially when he went back to ignoring her during dinner, and continued to ignore her through all of the speeches the speakers gave for the charity. _Awesome._ Maybe she’d have to go find Hugo again just so she could get some attention from her date.

After dinner, guests started to make their way out to the dance floor, dancing to the house band’s music. As Trisha and Des got up to dance, Alyssa noticed Harry disappear from the table, and she wondered if he found a lady to dance with.

“Where did Harry go?” Alyssa asked Doniya, who was sitting to her left.

“He’s going to be performing soon,” she explained, catching Alyssa completely off guard.

“Performing?” She asked, quite confused.

“Yeah. Singing,” she clarified.

“Really?” Alyssa asked, looking up at the house band that was on stage. She tried to picture Harry up there singing, but she just couldn’t. The only times she ever heard him sing was at his house, tucked away in the music room with his piano.

“Yeah, you didn’t know?” Doniya asked, with a puzzled look on her face.

“My date failed to mention it,” Alyssa grumbled before leaning over toward Zayn.

“You didn’t tell me that Harry was performing tonight,” she stated.

“I didn’t think it was that big of a deal,” Zayn said, shrugging his shoulders, not even bothering to look up at her from his phone.

“What do you mean? Your brother is performing… onstage… in front of people. That’s a pretty big deal, Zayn,” Alyssa told him.

He shrugged his shoulders again and continued texting. Alyssa growled inwardly, about ready to let Zayn have a piece of her mind, but instead held it in and watched Doniya’s boyfriend Alex lead her out onto the dance floor. It was only Zayn and Alyssa left at the table, which made her feel absolutely worthless.

“Are you even going to ask me to dance?” Alyssa asked him.

“I didn’t think you’d want to dance with someone that is such a _slut_ ,” he retorted viciously. Alyssa rolled her eyes at his petty remark.

“Wow. _Never mind_ ,” she scoffed.

“What?” He asked, finally looking up at her, his dark eyes narrowed at her.

“You’re such a child,” she replied spitefully.

“Hmm,” he hummed, pursing his lips at her.

“You can’t even pretend for one night to be a half-decent human being. You’re the one who _begged_ me to be your date for this thing and here I am, feeling like the most worthless person on the planet because you won’t even talk to me, let alone look at me. Thanks for a great time, Zayn,” Alyssa snapped, standing up so she could get away from him. She slid her chair in toward the table and began to walk away from him.

“Wait,” he said, grabbing her wrist before she had a chance to free herself from him.

“What?” She snapped, spinning around to face him.

“I’m sorry,” he said with a sigh.

“I’ll make sure to mark this day down on my calendar. ‘The second time in history that Zayn Malik apologized for something shitty he did,’” Alyssa shot at him sarcastically.

“What _did_ I do!?” He yelled back at her. 

Well, shit. She really didn’t have an answer for that. _‘You slept with another girl?’_ No, that wasn’t an excuse. _‘You made me fall in love with you so hard I can’t get out?’_ No, that excuse wouldn’t work. _‘You pressured me into moving in with you after I knew things would turn out exactly the way I didn’t want them to?’_ Maybe. 

“I’m just sick of the way you treat me,” she told him vaguely.

“And how is that?” He asked, appalled by her answer.

“You’re only nice to me when you want something from me – namely sex,” she shot at him.

“That is not true, Lyssy,” he said, his voice softening.

“And you constantly call me Lyssy. I fucking _hate_ that,” she told him, getting even more worked up.

“Come on, that’s a term of endearment,” he said with a slight smirk.

“Zayn, I’m just sick of you using me,” she said with a sigh.

“I do not use you,” he retorted.

“Oh. _Hmm_. I must have misread everything then,” she said sarcastically.

“Alyssa, can we talk about this later?” He asked, looking annoyed with her.

“Later? Are you serious?” She asked him. Of course he was going to shirk the conversation, because god forbid he be called out on his bullshit.

“Yeah, later. Later when we’re not standing in the middle of a ballroom wearing ridiculous clothing at a freaking charity event. _Later_ ,” he argued.

“Yeah, whatever,” Alyssa said with a roll of her eyes, knowing the conversation wouldn’t be breeched again.

“Dance with me?” He asked finally, holding out his hand. Alyssa narrowed her eyes at him, trying to read his intentions. 

It took her a few moments to debate whether or not she wanted to even be around him at the moment, but of course her heart won over her head and she took his hand. He led her gracefully out on the dance floor near the rest of his family. Zayn pulled Alyssa close to him and held her there. Their faces sat cheek-to-cheek, which she was kind of grateful for. She didn’t really want to look into his stupid beautiful brown eyes and cave like she usually did. His eyes always made her weak. She couldn’t fight her feelings if she looked into them. And her annoyance for him was at a level where both her head and heart wanted to fight her feelings for him – rip them up and burn them until they were ashes. Because it got to the point where the butterflies all flew away and just left a gaping hole in her chest cavity from where they escaped. Zayn no longer made her happy, but made her bitter instead. There wasn’t much more bullshit she could handle from him.

After their dance, the emcee got on the mic and introduced Harry Styles as their esteemed musical guest. And somehow, some way the butterflies found their way back to her and began their rapid assault on her stomach again – for Harry.


	7. The one with the song...

**Fall 2015**

 

As Harry took the stage, the feelings inside of Alyssa began to bubble. The butterflies were doing more damage than good, making her nauseous. She tried to tell herself she was just nervous and excited for him. She also tried to ignore it when Zayn looked over and saw her staring at Harry, looking almost star struck.

“You okay?” Zayn asked.

“I-I… I’m just nervous for him. I’ve never seen him play live like this,” Alyssa told him.

Zayn gave her a sideways stare down for a moment, but took her reasoning at face value and turned his gaze back to his brother.

Harry got on the microphone thanking the charity for all they were doing for the community. Alyssa stared at him, unaware of her surroundings. It was like she had tunnel vision and all she could see was Harry. She didn’t snap out of it until the crowd clapped right before he began to sing. 

“ _Same lips red, same eyes blue. Same white shirt, couple more tattoos. But it’s not you and it’s not me. Tastes so sweet, looks so real. Sounds like something that I used to feel. But I can’t touch what I see_ _,”_ Harry sang, rarely looking out at the crowd.

Alyssa could tell he was nervous and it only made her sickened stomach worse. But then as the chorus started in, he looked up and found her eyes staring back at him. Their gaze locked on one another and Alyssa was frozen.

“ _We’re not who we used to be. We’re not who we used to be. We’re just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me, trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat_ _,”_ he sang straight to her, never breaking their stare.

Once the second verse came up, he let his gaze fall. Alyssa didn’t realize she was holding her breath until his eyes weren’t on her anymore, and she let it out quite noticeably.

“Seriously, are you okay?” Zayn asked again.

“Uh, yeah. Fine,” Alyssa told him, feeling flustered. 

Harry’s gaze didn’t meet Alyssa’s again through the rest of the song and it made her wonder why he found her, of all people in the crowd, to sing to during that first chorus. She tried to block it out of her mind the best she could, because it made her feel weird. Actually she didn’t even know what to feel. It had been an odd day.

Once the song finished, Harry said a quick thank you in the mic and the lights dimmed. It only took about a split second before everyone to clap and cheer for him. He was absolutely amazing up there. He was so incredibly talented. And it was such a pleasure for Alyssa, having not seen him sing or perform in nearly five years. Harry stopped letting her into his world around the time she and Zayn began their little prank war on him, which in turn made him shut her out of his music – which was his whole world.

 

**_Winter 2010_ **

_“Hey…” Alyssa greeted quietly, standing in the doorway of the music room as Harry just finished playing the piano._

_“Hey, Lyssa,” Harry said, smiling back at her._

_“That sounded awesome,” she told him._

_“Do you want to hear it? I mean… like what I have?” He asked, looking hopeful._

_“I’d love to, Haz,” she said, sending him a small smile as she sat down next to him on the piano bench._

_For a moment, his fingers hovered over the keys before he began to play._

“’ _Close the door. Throw the key. Don’t wanna be reminded. Don’t wanna be seen. Don’t wanna be without you. My judgment's clouded like tonight's sky. Hands are silent. Voice is numb. Try to scream out my lungs. It makes this harder. And the tears stream down my face. If we could only have this life for one more day. If we could only turn back time, you know I’ll be your life, your voice, your reason to be. My love, my heart is breathing for this moment in time. I’ll find the words to say before you leave me today,_ _’” Harry sang passionately as he played the keys beautifully on the piano._

_“Uh, that’s all I’ve got,” he said, looking over at Alyssa, his cheeks flushing red._

_“Harry… that was amazing,” she told him, wide eyed. She couldn’t keep the smile off her face if she tried. The song was just so beautiful._

_“You think so?” He asked as a bashful smile appeared on his lips._

_“Yeah. Wow. You just keep getting better and better,” she told him truthfully._

_He smiled and blushed, hanging his head, being adorably bashful._

_“You’re only sixteen, Harry. How do you… how do write stuff like that?” Alyssa asked._

_“Like what?” He asked, furrowing his brow in question._

_“I don’t know… stuff that’s so grown-up. Like about love and stuff,” she said with a shrug of her shoulders._

_“Just because I’m sixteen doesn’t mean I can’t feel something like love,” he replied matter-of-factly, his cheeks still almost blood red._

_“Do you, Harry? Do you love someone?” Alyssa asked with a slight smirk on her face._

_“I don’t know,” he said, chuckling nervously._

_“Harry…” Alyssa smiled and nudged him with her shoulder._

_“I guess… there’s a girl I like,” he confessed._

_“What’s her name?” Alyssa asked curiously._

_“You don’t know her,” he said quickly, looking away from her._

_“Well, what’s her name?” She asked again._

_“You’ll just tell Zayn and then I won’t hear the end of it,” Harry said, shaking his head._

_“Hazza, you don’t trust me?” Alyssa scoffed._

_“I don’t trust Zayn,” he corrected._

_“I won’t tell him. I pinky swear,” Alyssa promised him as she held out her pinky._ _Harry hesitated for a moment or two before linking his pinky with hers._

_“What’s her name?” Alyssa asked again._

_“Uh… Alicia,” he said quietly, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck like he was uncomfortable talking about it._

_“Hmm. She must be really cute and sweet if Harry Styles likes her,” Alyssa said, smiling widely at him._

_“She is,” he said with a smile just as wide on his face._

_Alyssa ruffled her hand through his curls, appreciating the fact that they were still able to hang out and talk like they used to._

_“You’re adorable, Hazza. I guess my chance just flew out the window,” Alyssa said with a smile, standing up to make her way out of the room._

_“Wait. What?” He asked, the words coming out almost choked._

_“Huzzah, Hazza!” Alyssa cheered playfully as she walked toward the door and disappeared out of the room._

 

__

After Harry’s performance, he was talking to some important looking people who Alyssa didn’t seem to know. All sorts of people were coming up to congratulate him left and right after his performance, which made Alyssa feel proud. He definitely deserved it, because he did a phenomenal job.

She stood near the bar, sipping on her third gin and tonic of the night, just watching him. There was something about seeing him perform again that intrigued her. It brought back a whole slew of memories.

“He was brilliant, wasn’t he?” Waliyha asked as she came up to Alyssa, noticing her vision on Harry.

“What? Oh, yeah,” Alyssa said, breaking her gaze away to look at Zayn and Harry’s seventeen year old sister.

“He owns the stage,” she commented.

“He does,” Alyssa said, looking back over at him.

There was a small lapse in conversation as Waliyha ordered a sparkling water from the bartender before she turned her attention back to Alyssa.

“Do you know Harry hasn’t played any of his music for me in almost five years?” Alyssa told her.

“Actually, I didn’t know Harry ever played his music for you. In all actuality, I don’t remember the two of you ever getting along,” Waliyha replied with a small chuckle.

It was always so hard for Alyssa to remember that Waliyha was only seventeen and probably didn’t remember a whole lot from when Alyssa, Zayn and Harry were growing up together.

“Harry and I actually used to be pretty close. He used to always play his music for me,” Alyssa told her.

“That just seems weird to me somehow. What happened between you two?” She asked, giving Alyssa an odd smile.

“Zayn happened. I decided my feelings for Zayn were worthy enough to ruin a great friendship,” Alyssa sighed, feeling the bitterness well up inside her again.

“What do you mean?” Waliyha asked, crinkling her eyebrows in confusion.

“I don’t know. I think I’m kind of feeling these gin and tonics,” Alyssa told her with a light laugh, trying to break away from the heavy conversation a little.

“Alyssa, what’s really going on?” Waliyha asked, having already caught on to her mood. Alyssa let out another sigh.

“I just miss Harry. I miss our friendship. I actually told him that today,” Alyssa confessed.

“You did?” She asked, looking almost shocked.

“Yeah. He’s a good guy. A _great_ guy actually,” Alyssa told her. But she already knew that Waliyha knew how great of a guy Harry was, because he was her step-brother and they were pretty close.

“He really is,” she agreed as the two of them both watched Harry from across the ballroom.

Alyssa took another sip of her gin and tonic, watching as Harry shook hands with the director of the charity. Without even realizing it, she let out another weighted sigh.

“Jeez, Lyss. Just go talk to him then,” Waliyha said with a giggle and a light shove to her shoulder.

“What? No. He’s busy,” Alyssa said, waving it off.

“You sure are acting awkward tonight, girl,” she laughed.

“I feel awkward,” Alyssa admitted.

“Just go. I’m sure Harry would love to talk to you,” she encouraged.

Alyssa bit her lip watching him. Why was she acting so weird? Why was it so hard? It was just Harry. She took a large gulp of her drink before setting it down on the bar. A little liquid courage would help, she supposed. Looking back at Waliyha, she gave her a small smile to say ‘here goes nothing’ before she headed in Harry’s direction. She had no idea what she would say or what they would possibly talk about. But, oh well. It was just Harry, right?

Harry’s eyes immediately caught Alyssa’s as she walked across the ballroom toward him. The man Harry was talking with seemed to notice Harry’s attention being occupied elsewhere, and simply just backed away. Because as Alyssa approached Harry, she vaguely realized the man was no longer standing there anymore.

“Hi,” Alyssa said softly.

“Hi,” Harry said back.

And she realized it didn’t matter if they had anything else to say, because ‘hi’ was enough for the both of them.


	8. The one with the knight in shining armor…

**Fall 2015**

 

Alyssa wasn’t sure how much time elapsed with her and Harry standing there staring at one another, but she was sure from an onlookers stand point, they probably looked slightly mental. A blush rose up her cheeks as she finally broke their stare, turning back to see if Waliyha was still at the bar watching them. But she quickly realized the spot where she stood before was empty, and she was just being overly paranoid. Alyssa turned back to Harry to see a small smirk tugging up his lips, and she realized she must have looked mental to him. Alyssa let out a small chuckle and looked down at her feet, hearing Harry laugh in response.

“Harry… that was… that was so amazing,” Alyssa told him, meeting his eye once again. She was at a loss for a good conversation starter and her brain could only come up with the most generic thing possible, apparently.

“Thanks. I’m glad you liked it,” he said, looking rather bashful. And it reminded her of him as a boy. 

“I didn’t even know you were doing a performance tonight,” she admitted, feeling kind of bad for not knowing.

“Yeah. Some people from the charity also work through the church I volunteer at. So I mean… connections. Networking. It was a great opportunity,” Harry went on to explain.

“Oh. Yeah. I didn’t know you were working with the church,” Alyssa blushed. She felt bad. Really bad. She barely knew him anymore.

“Yeah. I’ve been volunteering for a few years now,” he said, nodding his head. It was so like Harry to spend his time volunteering, and at a church no less. He and Zayn really were complete opposites.

“I uh, I saw you… in the crowd,” Harry pointed out, and Alyssa couldn’t help but blush.

“Yeah. Of course. I wouldn’t have missed it. It brought me back. You know, to the days when you used to sing for me. I miss that,” Alyssa confessed.

“Yeah. Yeah, me too,” he said, growing quiet almost immediately.

The two of them stood in an awkward silence for a few moments, and it made Alyssa ache all over inside. She truly missed him. And she hated the way their friendship fell apart.

“Harry…” Alyssa said quietly.

“Yeah?” He asked, looking slightly hopeful.

“I feel like we don’t know each other anymore,” she told him, feeling overly sad about it.

“We kind of don’t,” he said with the same kind of sadness written all over his face, and it made her heart drop instantly.

“But I’d like to… you know, get to know you again,” he added.

“Me too. Do you think maybe we could, I don’t know… start over?” She asked hopefully.

“I don’t know about that,” he said, causing her to look up at him with a sharp eye.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he laughed, causing Alyssa to smile and shake her head.

“I meant, I wouldn’t want to start over, because wouldn’t it be like our friendship never happened? I had too much fun with you back then to ever pretend it didn’t happen,” Harry said with a sideways smile. Alyssa couldn’t help but smile back at him.

“You’re right, you know. You’re always right, Hazza. How about we just… begin again?” She told him finally.

“Begin again? I like that,” he said with a smile.

“Me too,” she admitted, biting at her lip to stifle her own wide smile.

“Are you going to get mad at me if I have an opinion about Zayn?” He questioned.

“Hmm…” Alyssa sighed, knowing that Zayn was a sore subject for both of them at that point.

“I’ve noticed he’s been a little distant tonight,” Harry said, looking over Alyssa’s shoulder, scanning the crowd for Zayn, no less.

“Yeah, he’s being pissy. He didn’t like it when I told him I didn’t want to be used anymore,” she admitted.

“You told him that?” Harry asked, looking rather hopeful. Alyssa nodded, biting at her lip uncomfortably.

“This may sound weird, but I am proud of you, Alyssa,” he said, looking rather happy.

“It’s been a long time coming,” she said with a passive shrug, feeling a little bit awkward that they were talking about her and Zayn’s _relationship_ so openly.

“It has,” he agreed, with an abnormally wide smile on his face.

“Harry, you’re needed in the back,” Des said, startling the both of them out of the little imaginary bubble they were huddle in.

“Alright, uh…” Harry said, looking back and forth between the two of them awkwardly.

“Go,” Alyssa told him.

“I am so glad you two are getting along. It’s refreshing,” his dad said, smiling at the two of them.

“I’m glad too,” Harry said, smiling at Alyssa.

“Me too,” Alyssa said, quiet enough for only Harry to hear.

“We’ll talk later?” He asked hopefully.

“Yeah, definitely. Take care of business, hot shot,” Alyssa told him, waving him off playfully.

“Okay, Alyssa,” he said, gripping onto her arm before giving it a small squeeze.

Seconds later he bypassed her, heading off with his dad to take care of whatever matters he needed to take care of.  

“Hey, I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” Alyssa heard Zayn say as he came up from behind her.

“Have you?” Alyssa asked surprised as she turned toward him.

“Uh, how upset would you be if I took off? I mean, it’s almost over and you can get a ride in the limo with the family,” he asked as Alyssa heard his phone buzz in his hand. It was probably a text message from some girl wanting to get together for a booty call.

 Alyssa rolled her eyes at him. Typical fucking Zayn.

“What?” He asked incredulously.

“I shouldn’t be surprised,” she said under her breath as she started to walk back to their table to grab her purse.

“ _What?”_ He asked again, more impatiently.

“It’s so normal. I don’t understand why I let it upset me anymore,” Alyssa said, reaching for her small clutch purse before digging in it to find her own cell phone.

“Why don’t you just stop being so fucking cryptic and say what you mean?” Zayn snapped, getting annoyed with her.

“I always take the backseat with you, Zayn. I always have. And for once it would be nice to be put first. But hey, that’s just how it is with you – _every_ damn time,” Alyssa snapped, finally turning to look at him.

“Stop being so melodramatic, Alyssa,” he shot back at her.

“No, seriously, Zayn. I mean, are we even friends anymore? Because lately all I am to you is a roommate who pays half the rent and a sex object for you to get your rocks off with. We’re not friends,” she spat viciously at him.

“We’re _best_ friends, Alyssa,” he said quietly, looking incredibly hurt by her words.

“Yeah. We’ve been best friends, Zayn. We’ve been a lot of things for each other over the years. But I mean, what are we left with?” She asked him.

“What are we left with?” He asked, looking at her like she just smacked him across the face.

“You’ve always meant something to me, Zayn. You’re the person I lost my virginity to. And that means a lot – at least for me. But for Christ sakes, when is enough going to be enough?” She asked him.

“Alyssa, I don’t even know what you’re talking about anymore,” he told her, his expression left blank, and she knew he was truly oblivious.

“Zayn, I don’t even know what to say anymore. I wish you could be what you used to be to me. I just—” Alyssa started, shaking her head, thinking back on a night when Zayn was her whole entire world.

 

 

 

**_Fall 2010_ **

****

_Zayn took Alyssa to her very first party – one where she actually drank alcohol. And well, you could imagine, she was more than a little tipsy by the time they got back to his house._

_“Ha. I am pretty drunk,” Zayn said with a little laugh as they walked up his street, toward his house._

_“You are,” Alyssa giggled._

_“What about you, drunky mcdrunk pants?” He laughed, looking over at her smugly._

_“I’m drunk, but you’re drunker,” she said, pointing her finger at him as she swayed back and forth while she walked._

_“You’re so drunker than me,” he laughed._

_“Nah-uh!” Alyssa protested._

_“Shut it, you lush!” Zayn scowled._

_“Hey, if I’m a lush, it’s your fault. ‘Let’s play beer pong’. ‘Let’s do a million fucking keg stands’,” Alyssa said, in her very best Zayn Malik impression. He most definitely had peer pressure down pat._

_“We did not do a million keg stands. We’d get alcohol poisoning,” he laughed at the ridiculousness of her statement, and Alyssa couldn’t help but laugh too. She didn’t know why they found it so funny, but they were standing at the foot of his driveway laughing their asses off for some reason._

_“Shit, man,” Zayn said as his laughter finally subsided._

_“You’re funny,” Alyssa laughed, giving him a light shove against the shoulder, causing him to almost lose his balance entirely._

_“Come on, lush. Let’s sneak in. But you’ve got to be really, really super quiet, Lyss,” he told her._

_“Me? What about you?” Alyssa asked incredulously._

_“I’m fucking stealth, okay?” He said straight-faced. Alyssa couldn’t help but burst out laughing again._

_“SEE! You can’t even stop laughing,” he snickered at her._

_“I’m too drunk for this,” she laughed._

_“Calm yourself, Rossi,” he said, putting his hands on her shoulders to steady her._

_Alyssa took a few deep breaths and smoothed out her face. But the way Zayn was looking at her was too much and she burst into a fit of giggles again._

_“Jesus, Lyssa! You’re out of control,” he laughed._

_“I can’t help it. Too many keg stands,” she giggled._

_“Be cool,” he told her._

_“Okay, okay. As long as I don’t look at you, I’ll be fine,” she said seriously, really trying hard to make the muscles in her face relax._

_“Pssh, what the hell?” He laughed, feigning offense._

_“Oh, shut up. Every time you look at me I can’t help but laugh,” Alyssa said, shoving him again._

_“I’m so ugly,” he said in a self-deprecating tone, playing the victim so well._

_“Oh, shut up! I never said that,” Alyssa scoffed and shoved him again._

_“Jesus! And you’re beating me up. I am worthless,” he said, continuing the act._

_“Zayn! You’re my best friend,” she told him seriously, feeling like she was about to cry if he kept it up._

_“I know. I’m kidding, Lyssy. You’re my best friend, too,” he said, wrapping his arm around her as they made their way to the front door._

_“Good,” she sighed. Her giggly mood finally escaped her and they easily snuck back into the house without a hitch._

_When they got into Zayn’s room, Alyssa immediately grabbed for her duffel bag to get changed out of the dress she was wearing._

_“I need to change, but I don’t think I can make it all the way to the bathroom without causing chaos,” Alyssa told him._

_“So change,” he retorted as he pulled of his shirt and jeans, revealing his lean body. Alyssa stood there for a few moments watching on as he pulled on a pair of pajama pants over his black boxer briefs._

_“I’m… I’m not wearing a bra,” she admitted._

_“Even better,” he said, smirking deviously at her._

_“Zayn,” she whined._

_“Alyssa,” he mimicked in the same tone._

_“Okay, seriously, if you’re going to be in here, then turn around so I can change,” she told him._

_“Well, that wouldn’t be much fun though, would it?” He said in what seemed to be his best seductive tone, because it sure as hell was working wonders on her._

_Before her brain could process it, Zayn was standing directly in front of her, looking into her eyes._

_“No, I guess not,” she said, a little more breathy than she wanted to sound. A moment later, she felt his hands grip onto her hips._

_Her head was spinning. She didn’t know what was going on. Suddenly, it felt like all of her dreams were coming true. During that thought process, Zayn moved even closer. She was hyper aware of his presence. There was a gap between them before, but now all that seemed to be in the way was the dress she was still wearing._

_“Alyssa…”_

_“Zayn…”_

_His heated lips met hers a second later sending her in a shock so deep she was sure she would die from it. Oh, god. Oh. Their lips move well together, but not as well as their tongues. He was aggressive and delicate at the same time. She was in Heaven – she was sure she had died._

_Zayn’s hands moved from her hips, only to slide up to her shoulders moments later, his fingertips pulling down the straps of her dress. Oh, God, was he… ohmygod, she thought in fragmented sentences. Everything was happening so fast. She barely had time to process any of it. And when he pulled the front of her dress down, exposing her bare breasts to him, she thought she might faint from true and utter shock. She couldn’t believe it. Her stomach was in knots and she couldn’t believe any of it was even happening._

_Zayn broke their kiss to look down at her and she suddenly felt a wave of self-consciousness. She finally grew a pair of breasts, but they were nothing special. A nice firm B cup. She couldn’t complain, though. There were girls at her school who had yet to see any growth._

_Zayn watched Alyssa as she shifted her weight from foot-to-foot and looked anywhere but at him._

_“Don’t feel uncomfortable, Alyssa. You are beautiful,” he told her, sounding so sincere._

_“I’ve… I’ve never done anything like this with anyone before,” she admitted._

_“I’m glad,” he said immediately._

_“You’re glad?” Alyssa asked, feeling confused._

_“I’d hate to think of you with another guy,” he told her as his gaze flickered up and down from her face to her chest._

_Alyssa took a deep shaky breath in. She was incredibly nervous. The boy of her dreams was standing in front of her, staring at her nakedness and she didn’t know what to do._

_Zayn moved toward her again, kissing her hard on the lips. As they stood there making out, Alyssa felt him slowly start to back her toward the bed. She almost couldn’t breathe – she was light-headed. The back of her knees hit the edge of the mattress and she found herself falling backward, Zayn coming down on top of her. She could feel his arousal against her leg and it sent an electrical current throughout her body like a live wire. She wanted to tell him he was affecting her as much she was affecting him, but she couldn’t speak – not with his tongue in her mouth and his hands on her chest._

_She was fully aware, at the age of seventeen, that life would never be the same._

_But suddenly, without warning, Zayn pulled himself up to his feet, looking down at her. Her guts wrenched wondering what she did to screw it up. Wondering why the universe would toy with her like that – giving her Zayn, but taking him away almost as fast. She was ready to cry or puke or die. But then Zayn leaned back down and pulled the dress down her body before dropping it at his feet. They were back in business._

_Seconds later he reached up and began pulling her underwear down, making her squirm uncomfortably._

_“What’s the matter?” He asked, furrowing his brow._

_“I’ve never done this,” Alyssa said quietly._

_“I know,” he told her._

_“I mean… I’ve never been with a guy before,” she clarified._

_Maybe she was being presumptuous in thinking it was about to lead to sex, but she wanted to make everything perfectly clear._

_“I’ve never been with a girl before,” he said, and Alyssa was shocked and surprised by his admission. He always had girls hanging all over him. It didn’t make any sense._

_“Really?” She asked._

_“Really,” he said with a nod of his head._

_Finally Alyssa nodded, giving him the go-ahead, laying back against the mattress. He continued by tugging her panties off her body, and she let him._

_“Aly Cat, you are so beautiful,” he cooed, looking down at her in all her naked glory. Alyssa smiled and blushed as she watched him watch her._

_A split second later, he pushed down his pajama bottoms and boxer briefs, catching her completely off guard. She had never actually seen a real-life penis and honestly, she was a little intimidated. That was supposed to go inside of her? ‘Nervous’ was an understatement. She was nearly petrified._

_Zayn crawled up her body. With every move he made, a painful knot twisted in her stomach. She was so nervous, she was almost seeing stars._

_“Zayn…” Alyssa breathed._

_“Yeah,” he replied._

_“Will you go slow?” She asked._

_“Of course, Lyss,” he said, leaning down to kiss her lips._

_“Wait,” she said, breaking the kiss, her body going rigid._

_“What?” He asked curiously._

_“What about… protection?” She stammered._

_“Oh, shit. Yeah… uh… damn…” He said, sitting up on his knees. He contemplated their dilemma for a few moments before he jumped out of the bed, throwing on his pajama bottoms. Alyssa quickly slipped underneath Zayn’s blanket._

_“I’ll be right back,” he told her as he quickly and quietly slipped out his bedroom door._

_Zayn was gone for a few minutes before he quietly returned with a condom in hand._

_“Where did you get that?” Alyssa asked curiously._

_“I snuck into Doniya’s room and stole it from her stash,” Zayn said, smiling mischievously as he pulled off his pajama pants again. Alyssa didn’t really want to know how Zayn knew his older sister had a hidden stash of condoms. Besides, she had other pressing matters on her mind._

_Alyssa watched as Zayn tore open the condom wrapper and rolled it down himself like he was a professional._

_“Come on, let me see you,” he said, pulling the blankets off of her body as he crawled up toward her._

_“Are you ready, Lyssy?” He asked. She didn’t even care that he called her the nickname she loathed, because somehow she was getting what she always wanted – him. She nodded, looking up into his deep brown eyes._

_“Tell me if it hurts,” he said moments before she felt him begin to push himself in._

_It didn’t hurt, but rather, it felt incredibly uncomfortable at first. But her body’s natural sensory adaptation kicked in and it didn’t feel so weird – until he began moving inside of her and it went back to feeling weird again. But a good weird._

_“Oh. God,” he moaned lowly in her ear, which was like music to her._

_The sounds he was making from above her threw her for a loop. It was sexy and incredibly satisfying that she was making him moan and groan like that._

_“Do you feel okay, Lyss?” He breathed in her ear._

_“Yeah. It feels… fine,” she told him, for lack of a better word._

_“Fine?” He asked, stopping his movements altogether to look down at her incredulously._

_“Uh… it’s just a little uncomfortable right now,” she told him truthfully._

_“Does it hurt? Do you want me to stop?” He asked immediately._

_“No, no. Zayn, please,” she told him. Of course she didn’t want him to stop. Her dreams were coming true._

_“Are you sure?” He asked._

_“I’m sure. Just please, move,” Alyssa told him, squeezing his hips in her hands._

_So he did. And it did get better. She was gasping for him by the time he finished. She didn’t reach a climax, but then again, she never knew what one felt like so she had nothing to compare it to._

_“Oh my god, Alyssa. That was so good,” Zayn sighed, rolling off of her before taking the wet condom off._

_“Mmm,” she agreed. She was seriously on cloud nine. She just lost her virginity to her heart’s desire. Zayn was it for her. She was sure of it._

_“You’re my best friend and I’m glad it was with you,” he said once he settled back against the mattress._

_“I’m glad it was with you too, Zayn,” Alyssa told him, trying to stave off her absolute elation._  

 _Why couldn’t he see she loved him more than the sun and the moon combined? Was he so blind? How did he not see her? How did he not see her heart?_ _Nothing she did made any difference. She tried to fall out of love with him, but she couldn’t. And this… this act would cement it all. It was sure to hold Zayn in her heart like an iron-clad cage, never letting him out._

_Even after Zayn fell asleep, Alyssa laid in bed and relived the previous memories they just made together. She would never forget this night as long as she lived._

 

“You’re my _best friend_ , Alyssa,” Zayn said again, as if saying it over and over would be enough to fix their tumultuous friendship.

“Honestly, _’best friends’_ doesn’t mean shit these days, Zayn,” she shot at him.

“Alyssa, that’s not fair,” he said quietly.

“Your sense of fair and my sense of fair are two completely different things,” she snapped, her eyes narrowing dangerously at him.

“Lyssy…” He sighed.

“God damn it! Stop calling me that!” Alyssa erupted, feeling like her whole brain might crumble if he called her that one more time.

“Baby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry! What more do you want from me? _Please_ ,” he begged.

“I want some _respect_ , Zayn. I want to be more than one of your booty calls. You have no idea what I’ve been through just being your friend. You have no idea the heartbreak I’ve been put through,” Alyssa explained as she began to cry.

“I’m so sorry, Alyssa,” he said quietly, hanging his head.

“I’ve been in love with you for almost ten years, Zayn. I would have died by your side if only you would have let me in. But you could never realize that. You never respected that,” Alyssa finally admitted aloud as tears streamed down her face. She was grateful they were standing away from the majority of people that were in the ballroom, because she was having a full-on emotional breakdown.

“Alyssa…” He sighed, but saying her name was not a solution. It wouldn’t help anything.

“Zayn, you’ll always mean the world to me, but right now… right now at this moment, I need some space. I just… I can’t do this,” she told him.

“Please, Lyssa. I’ll be better. I promise. I know I’ve been pretty horrible. I know that. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he apologized over and over again. But Alyssa wasn’t ready to forgive, and she sure as hell wasn’t ready to forget.

“I’ve waited a long time for an apology from you. But seriously, Zayn, I really do need some space,” she told him sincerely.

He nodded, looking down at his feet for a moment before he looked up at her again.

“Are we going to be okay?” He asked, looking genuinely worried.

“I hope so. But… I will not put up with the way you’ve been treating me. I won’t. I’m not one of your little girlfriends, Zayn. I’m supposed to be your best friend. Your better half, until someone worthy comes along. And I’ve wished for you to open your eyes and realized that person could be me, but I think I’ve given up on that. We’re friends. And that’s all we’ll ever be, right? I get that now. I do,” Alyssa explained as she wiped the tears underneath her eyes, trying her best not to smear her perfectly done makeup.

“Lyssa, it’s never been a question – I’m not good enough for you. You deserve so much better than me,” he told her.

“Zayn, don’t just give me a bullshit excuse. I don’t need the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ crap. I see right through it. I don’t need an excuse,” she snapped at him.

“It’s _not_ an excuse, Alyssa!” He growled, causing people to stop and stare at the two of them.

“I don’t want to do this here, Zayn. We can talk later… in private,” she told him as she continued to wipe her eyes.

“Lyssa, you’re my best friend,” he said again, and she let out a sigh.

“You’ll have your chance to prove it, but not now. Just go. You don’t want to keep _Amber_ waiting,” Alyssa told him.

“Don’t. Don’t do that. Don’t make me feel guilty for being with someone else,” Zayn said with thick annoyance in his tone.

“I’m not. _Go_ ,” she said as calmly as she possibly could.

“Lyssa…” He said, giving her a pleading look.

Alyssa stared at him for a few more seconds before she shook her head and walked away from him. If he wasn’t going to give her the space she asked for, she was going to take it, whether he liked it or not.

As Alyssa made her way to the bathroom to fix her face, she ran right into Harry again.

“Alyssa. Are you okay?” He asked, noticing the emotion on her face.

“I’m fine. I’m fine. Really,” she lied as she wiped at her eyes. She probably looked like a fool.

“You’re crying…” He pointed out.

“Harry, I’m fine,” Alyssa said again, hoping he’d just drop it.

“ _Zayn_ …” Harry said angrily, realizing why she was crying. Alyssa noticed as Harry’s eyes searched the crowd looking for his brother.

“It’s okay, Harry. Really,” she said once more, trying to assure him.

“ _No_ , it’s not. He made you cry,” Harry nearly growled.

“It’s not the first time. And besides, I… I started the fight. I’m finally standing up for myself,” she explained, giving him a weak smile.

“Well, that’s fine and dandy, but Zayn needs some repercussions brought his way…” Harry said spitefully. Alyssa couldn’t help but giggle through her tears.

“What?” He asked, furrowing his eyebrows in genuine question.

“’ _Fine and dandy?’”_ She giggled.

“Shut it,” he said, finally letting a smirk turn up his scowling lips.

“Are you an eighty year old man trapped in a twenty-somethings body?” Alyssa laughed.

“I have an old soul,” he retorted.

“Apparently,” she laughed.

“I’m glad you’re smiling,” he said sweetly, sending a jolt of appreciation through her.

“Thanks,” she said as her eyes washed over his face, taking in every single feature. Every single dimple; every single laugh line; every single admission he was willing to give her.

“Come on. Let’s get out of here. I’ll take you home,” Harry said finally, breaking her out of her own kind of voyeurism.

“And how do you suppose you’re going to take me home?” Alyssa asked, knowing full-well Harry didn’t have a vehicle at the venue to complete such a task.

“We’re in New York. We’ll take a cab, duh,” he said, smiling brightly at her.

“I should have known. Hazza always knows best,” Alyssa said, smiling back at him as he held out his arm for her to take. She linked hers with his and let him lead her out of the venue.


	9. The one with the cheater...

**Fall 2015**

 

Alyssa watched as Harry expertly hailed a cab outside of the venue, and stood aside to let her get in after he opened the door for her.

“Thank you,” Alyssa smiled at him as she slid in, tucking the train of her gown underneath her. Harry slid in next, closing the door behind them, sending her a cool smile.

“Where to?” The cab driver asked in a thick New York accent. Harry gave Alyssa a look to tell her it was up to me.

“I don’t want to go home. Zayn will be there with Amber,” Alyssa told Harry as the cab driver pulled into traffic. 

Harry immediately turned to the cabby and spouted out the address to his family home in Allendale, NJ. Alyssa knew immediately that the cab ride was not going to be cheap at all. It was at least an hour to his house from where they were.

Once they reached the Lincoln Tunnel, Alyssa looked over at Harry to find him texting on his phone.  

“You look like Zayn right now,” Alyssa told him.

“What?” He asked, looking up at her through the dim light of the cab.

“He spent the better part of the evening texting on his phone,” Alyssa said with a small smile.

“Oh, uh. I was just texting my dad to tell him we left. You know, so they didn’t wait for us,” Harry said before pocketing his phone.

“You’re thoughtful,” Alyssa told him sincerely, watching as he smiled bashfully and shook his head. She couldn’t help but smile again. Harry Styles was adorable.

“Are you cold?” He asked when he saw her shiver slightly. It was a pretty mild fall, but with the sun down, it got a bit chilly.

“A little,” she told him.

“Here,” he said, immediately taking off his suit jacket.

“I’m fine, Harry,” she protested.

“When are you going to stop saying that all the time when you don’t mean it?” He asked, and she couldn’t help but stop for a second and really think about his words.

“Here,” Harry said, tucking the jacket on her shoulders.

“Thanks, Harry,” Alyssa said quietly, giving him a soft smile.

“You’re welcome, Alyssa. Don’t be afraid to tell me how you really feel. Please,” he told her, and all she could do was nod her head before turning to look out the window, watching the New Jersey scenery pass by them through the night.

She must have fallen asleep a little while later, because she woke up with her head resting against Harry’s shoulder as the cab drove slowly down the street his family lived on. Alyssa sat up, looking out the windshield, and Harry straightened up too, taking his arm back that was wrapped around her.

“Hi,” Harry said quietly when she looked over at him.

“Hi,” she squeaked, her voice a bit gruff from non-use.

“We’re here,” he said as the cab driver pulled into the driveway.

Alyssa picked up her purse from her lap and began digging in it for some money.

“Alyssa, I’ve got this,” Harry told her, putting his hand on hers to stop her search.

“Harry, it’s gotta be almost a hundred dollars,” Alyssa protested.

“I’ve got this,” he told her again, handing the cab driver a handful of twenty dollar bills.

“Let me help,” she said, finally managing to pull out the forty dollars in cash she had on hand.

“ _Oop_. It’s already paid for. Look at that. Now let’s allow this nice man to get back to where he needs to be. Thank you, sir,” Harry said playfully as he opened the door of the cab, sliding out.

Alyssa glared at the back of Harry’s head for a split second until he turned around to help her out of the cab.

“Thank you,” she told him once he shut the cab door.

“You’re welcome,” he said, smiling at her as they walked toward the house.

Alyssa watched as Harry punched in the code on the garage door, causing it to automatically open for them.

“What time is it?” Alyssa asked as they walked into the garage toward the house door.

“A little after 11 o’clock,” he told her as he opened the door, letting her in first.

The blast of warm air was welcoming, and Alyssa realized she was still wearing his suit coat.

“Here,” she said, sliding the jacket off of her shoulders and holding out to him.

“Thanks,” he said with a small smile.

“No, thank you, Harry,” she retorted, with a smile that was all for him. 

“You can… uh, sleep in Zayn’s room,” Harry told her as they headed toward the stairway.

“I’d rather not be reminded of Zayn,” Alyssa said truthfully.

“Well… uh, my room then?” He offered, rubbing his palm against the back of his neck.

“Sure,” she said with a quiet nod.

“Uh, alright. _Ahem_ ,” he said quickly, clearing his throat as he turned away from her to ascend the stairs. But not before she caught the bashful smile displayed on his face. Little Harry Styles was getting embarrassed over a girl sleeping in his bed.

“Unless that’s weird,” Alyssa said as she followed him upstairs.

“No, no. You’ve slept in my bed before,” he said casually.

“I was sixteen and drunk – having spent the better part of the evening puking my guts out,” Alyssa reminded him with a laugh.

“Yeah, that was a fun night,” he said sarcastically, smiling back at her as they reached his room and he flipped on the light.

“You know… you don’t have to sleep on the floor like you did that night,” she told him. His eyes met hers, looking almost stunned.

“I mean, we’re friends. We can share the bed. We’re _adults,_ ” she elaborated.

“Yeah… _ahem._ Yeah,” he said, clearing his throat again. Alyssa smirked at his bashfulness as he walked toward the chest of drawers on the opposite side of the room. He was adorable.

“I uh… let me get you some clothes to sleep in,” he said as he pulled his wallet and phone out of his slacks and set them on the dresser.

“Alright,” Alyssa said, stepping toward him, the train of her gown whooshing behind her.

“Uh, a t-shirt,” he said, pulling open a drawer and handing her a white v-neck. No surprise there. It was pretty much all he wore.

“Pants or shorts?” He asked, looking up at her tentatively.

“Hmm?” She asked, snapping out of her admiration of the v-neck.

“Pants or shorts?” He repeated.

“Whichever… uh, just give me shorts. I don’t want to get too hot,” she told him. He eyed her, slightly cocking his eyebrow before returning his focus to his open dresser drawer.

“What was that for?” She asked with a light laugh.

“What?” He questioned.

“That look,” She clarified.

“What look?” He asked.

“That little eyebrow twitch,” she laughed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, snickering to himself.

“Yeah, right,” she laughed, dropping the subject as he handed her a pair of blue basketball shorts, which she was sure were going to be baggy on her.

“I’ll step out so you can change,” he said, grabbing a t-shirt and shorts for himself as well, heading for the door.

“Thanks, Harry,” she told him, genuinely meaning it.

“No problem,” he said before he closed the door behind him. 

It was weird being in Harry’s room instead of the room down the hall that once was Zayn’s – the room where she lost her virginity. The room where she and Zayn made countless memories together throughout their friendship.

 

 

 

**_Winter 2009_ **

_“Alyssa, can you come over?” Zayn asked once she answered her cell phone. He sounded obviously distressed._

_“Zayn, it’s 10 o’clock… on a Sunday. We have school in the morning,” she pointed out._

_“Lyss, I need you,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion._

_“Zayn? What’s the matter?” Alyssa asked, concern rippling through her._

_“Just come. Please, Alyssa,” Zayn told her._

_“I’ll be there in a few minutes,” she said immediately, knowing something serious had to be going on because Zayn wasn’t one to get easily emotional._

_“Thank you,” he said before they hung up._

_Alyssa dressed as warmly as she could in lightning-like motions knowing she needed to get to her best friend as soon as possible._ _Walking across the neighborhood in the below zero temperatures was not ideal, but Zayn needed her and she was going to be there for him. She texted him on the way to make sure the door was unlocked for her when she got there and sure enough it was. She took the stairs two-by-two to get up to his room, knocking lightly on his door when she did._

_Zayn opened it looking incredibly distraught and Alyssa couldn’t even begin to fathom what would make him act that way. She was thinking worst case scenario – Trisha and Des getting a divorce, or they were moving back to England, or something of that matter._

_“Zayn, what is it?” Alyssa asked as she moved deeper into his room. That’s when she noticed his eyes were red and puffy from crying – that he was still crying. Oh, God._

_“Zayn, seriously. Talk to me,” Alyssa said, panicking as she stripped off her many layers of clothing, leaving herself in just her pajamas._

_“She… Kelsey cheated on me,” Zayn said, bursting into tears as he sank down onto his bed._

_“Oh. Jesus. What the…” Alyssa said, her heart sinking for her friend._

_She dropped down next to him on the bed, wrapping her arms around him and held him as he cried._

_“Zayn, what happened?” Alyssa asked again, hoping he’d be able to give her some sort of details on the messed-up situation._

_“I went over to her house tonight just to, you know, see her and… and… Robbie was over there,” Zayn began to explain._

_“Robbie Jefferies?” Alyssa choked out._

_Robbie and Zayn had been friends since he moved to the states – way before Alyssa was even in the picture._

_“Yes,” Zayn cried._

_“He didn’t,” Alyssa gasped._

_“They weren’t having sex, but they were well on their way to it. I… I didn’t even know she was ready for that,” Zayn said as tears streaked down his face and he wiped them away quickly._

_“Are… are you ready for that? I mean, would you have… done that with her?” Alyssa asked. She was horrified to hear his answer._

_“I don’t know. Maybe,” he said quietly._

_Alyssa’s face automatically drop into a frown, and she tried to hide it from him. But it didn’t matter anyway because he was too distracted with his own life dilemma._

_“But not now!” He cried._

_“Zayn, I’m so sorry she did that to you. God. Seriously,” Alyssa said, letting out a huge sigh. The more she thought about it, the angrier she got. She knew that girl was trouble from day one. But she never thought in a million years that Robbie would betray Zayn like that._

_“I can’t believe she would do that… with my friend!” He exclaimed, and Alyssa quietly shushed him, knowing his parents’ room was not that far away from his._

_“I can’t believe Robbie would do that,” Alyssa said, appalled at his friend’s actions._

_“Well, he did. And I don’t ever want to talk to him again,” Zayn said, laying back against the mattress, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes._

_“I’m sorry, Zayn,” she said quietly._

_“You’re the only person I can trust, Lyss,” Zayn sighed, looking up at her._

_“I would never do that to you, ever,” she assured him. Zayn let out a light chuckle._

_“What?” She asked, furrowing her brow at him._

_“That’d be kinda hot,” Zayn said, smirking at her suggestively and it took Alyssa a moment to realize what he meant._

_“Oh, gross!” She said, shoving at his side._

_“I’m just saying,” he laughed._

_“Typical man,” Alyssa scoffed, rolling her eyes at him._

_Alyssa spent the night over there with him because, in the end, he didn’t want to be alone. In the morning he drove her home to get dressed, before driving them both to school._

_“I don’t want to go in there. I don’t want to see either of them,” Zayn told Alyssa, with a large frown on his face._

_“I’m so sorry. Just… just turn the other way if you see them,” she told him. That was her big advice? She was so incredibly bad at this._

_It wasn’t until after first period that Alyssa saw Robbie standing by his locker. She walked straight up to him and shoved him as hard as she could into his locker, doing her best to try to make it hurt._

_“What the fuck!?” He screamed, looking incredibly pissed at her. But he could never be as pissed as she was with him._

_“Fuck you, Robbie. And you know what for,” Alyssa spat at him viciously before walking away from him._

_She didn’t see Kelsey until after lunch and god damn it, the girl got Alyssa’s blood boiling._

_“Heard you fucked around with your boyfriend’s best friend. Super classy, Kelsey. Bravo,” Alyssa said sarcastically, narrowing her eyes dangerously at her._

_“Oh, go away, Alyssa,” she sighed, rolling her eyes at her._

_“Did he beg for it? Is that why you did it? Or did you just have an itch that nobody else could scratch?” Alyssa asked, taunting her, almost hoping she’d give her a reason to hit her._

_“Fighting Zayn’s battles for him? You always were his lap dog, weren’t you?” She snapped at Alyssa._

_“At least he’s still in my life, you hoe,” Alyssa spat back._

_“Fuck you, Alyssa. Just get out of my face,” she growled._

_“Stay the fuck away from Zayn or I will personally kick your ass,” Alyssa threatened her in a slow tone she could easily understand._

_“I’m so scared,” she said sarcastically, scowling at her._

_“I hope you are,” Alyssa told her as she walked away from the girl that broke her best friend’s heart._

_As she rounded the corner to her locker, Zayn was standing there staring straight at her._

_“You don’t need to fight my battles,” he scoffed as she walked up to him._

_“I’m not,” Alyssa told him casually as she opened up her locker._

_“You just threatened to kick her ass,” he pointed out._

_“Well, she deserves it,” Alyssa said, passively shrugging her shoulders. He just smirked and shook his head at her._

_“I may or may not have slammed Robbie into his locker earlier,” Alyssa told him apprehensively._

_“What? You did?” Zayn asked, looking wide-eyed._

_“Maybe,” Alyssa said with a mischievous smirk, which in turn caused Zayn to smile._

_“You’re my best friend, Zayn. I’m going to stick up for you,” she told him._

_“Thanks,” he said quietly._

_“Anytime,” she told him with a proud smile._

 

Alyssa shook her head, trying to shake the memory. She busied herself with trying to unzip the dress, but she couldn’t reach it. It was perfectly placed on the spot on the back that was virtually unreachable – the spot where when it itches, you need a back scratcher or someone else’s fingernails to scratch it because your arms are entirely too short to reach that far back. _Damn it_.

Alyssa opened Harry’s bedroom door wondering where he went.

“Harry?” She called out.

Moments later the bathroom door opened and Harry was standing in front of her wearing only a pair of white basketball shorts. Her first thought was – _damn_. When did this boy _grow_ up? His chest was a perfectly sculpted masterpiece from his shoulders to his well-defined sex lines. And those biceps… _good lord_. Once her perverted mind cooled down, she wondered how on earth he stripped out of his tuxedo so fast. 

“Yeah?” Harry answered, snapping her out of her daze.

“Uh, I uh… um… my zipper… I…” She was a babbling idiot. _Oh, god_.

“Turn around,” he said with a smile as he stepped out of the doorway toward her. She did as he told her, simultaneously brushing the fallen curls from her up-do out of his way.

Alyssa felt his hands graze the skin of her upper shoulders before he found the zipper. Her breath caught in her throat as he pulled it all the way down to the bottom. The sensation of his fingertips against the skin at the top of her thong sent shivers up her spine.

“Don’t look at my butt, Harry,” Alyssa quipped, turning her head to look back at him over her shoulder. He let out a low chuckle as a smile widened across his face.

“Caught me,” he said playfully.

“Perv,” Alyssa said with a giggle before she gracefully made her way back to his bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

Once she was changed into the clothes Harry provided for her, she cracked his bedroom door to let him know she was finished before crawling in underneath his blankets on his bed. She felt a bit exposed in his white v-neck, only because she wasn’t wearing a bra, and the air was a bit crisp. She pulled the blankets up a bit so she wouldn’t show off too much of herself.

Moments later she heard a knock at the bedroom door.

“Are you decent?” Harry asked tentatively.

“Yes,” Alyssa called out.

Harry opened the door and she noticed right away he was now wearing a shirt along with his shorts.

“I think you win the award for fastest tux taker-offer,” Alyssa said, playfully smirking at him.

“Blame it on my night job as a male stripper,” he joked as he walked over to his dresser, grabbing his phone.

“ _Ooh-la-la_ ,” Alyssa said playfully, watching as a smile formed on his face.

“Trisha and my dad are on their way home now,” Harry said, looking down at his phone.

“It’s not going to be weird, right? Me being here?” Alyssa asked him.

“Are you kidding, Alyssa? You’re practically family. I’m pretty sure Trisha would disown Zayn before she’d ever let you go,” Harry said with a light chuckle.

“Alright,” she said quietly.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” He offered as he sat down on his side of the bed, picking up the TV remote.

“Sure,” Alyssa told him.

They both agreed on watching _Love Actually_ which was on _Netflix_. Both of them loved it and could quote practically all of it.

Alyssa ended up falling asleep before the end of it, and she woke up entirely too early for her liking the next morning. Her body was hyper-aware it was in a foreign bed with a foreign body next to her.  

She and Harry lay in the absolute center of the bed, their bodies sandwiched next to each other. She couldn’t figure out if there was a dip in the middle of the mattress that led them to the position, or something else. All she knew was she was lying extremely close to Harry – body-to-body. She could feel his warmth against her, and she couldn’t say it bothered her any. 

Alyssa leaned away from him just enough to see his face. He looked peaceful, serene even. Half of his face was buried in his pillow, while the other half faced her, eyes closed. She could really appreciate the length of his eyelashes at that vantage point, which gave her a sudden urge to want to reach out and touch them. But she refrained because she didn’t want to wake him up.

She laid her head back down, looking over at Harry for a few seconds more before she closed her eyes again, trying to will herself back to sleep. But as fate would have it, sleeping just wasn’t in the cards for her.

“Harry?” She heard as his door opened and Trisha walked in while knocking.

“Crap,” Alyssa grumbled under her breath.

“ _Oh_ ,” Trisha said, stopping in her tracks when their eyes connected, seeing that she was in bed with Harry.

Alyssa was well aware what their situation probably looked like, and she knew the rapid blushing of her cheeks wasn’t going to help her any.


	10. The one with the ride...

**Fall 2015**

Alyssa sat up cautiously, trying to show Trisha, without really showing her that she, in fact, was wearing clothing. That she wasn’t naked in her darling step-sons bed, _with_ her darling step-son. But then Alyssa remembered how revealing the white v-neck seemed to her the night before, and she was certain it would look even more revealing in the light of day.

“Alyssa, dear. Hi,” Trisha said, looking just as flustered as she was.

Out of the corner of her eye Alyssa saw Harry begin to stir, and she hoped to God he was waking up because she didn’t want to be the only one stuck in this awkward situation.

“I… uh, Zayn and I… we got into a fight last night and I didn’t want to go home. So Harry brought me here. But I didn’t want to sleep in Zayn’s room because I’m… upset… with him,” Alyssa explained, her words coming out in a jumble.

In her mind, it felt like what they were doing was bad. Maybe because it looked that way. She felt guilty for some reason, even though all they did was sleep next to each other.

“Oh, well… okay. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be so out of sorts. It was just a shock to see you with Harry,” Trisha said with a smile, still seeming to be wrapping her head around the fact that Alyssa was in bed with her step-son, a person Alyssa previously didn’t get along with.

“Harry and I… we’re not _together_ ,” Alyssa said, feeling the need to make that crystal clear.

“I understand,” Trisha said with a smirk.

“We’re just… we’re trying to be friends again,” Alyssa continued.

“That’s wonderful, Alyssa,” she said, genuinely looking quite happy. Alyssa knew it always bothered her that Alyssa and Zayn didn’t get along with Harry.

When Harry finally stirred awake, it was like a weight was lifted off Alyssa’s shoulders. But at the same time, it was like another one was put on, because she felt all awkward around him again for some reason.

“Trisha?” Harry asked as he sat up, rubbing at his eyes.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Trisha said with a light chuckle.

“What are you doing in here?” he asked, his groggy morning voice so incredibly alluring.

“I… I was just going to tell you I made breakfast,” she stammered, looking between him and Alyssa.

It was in that moment that Alyssa realized Harry was no longer wearing a shirt. Her face went red at the sight.

“Thanks,” he croaked, running his fingers through his tousled hair.

“And of course, Alyssa, you are always welcome. There is plenty of food,” Trisha quickly told her.

“I-I should get home,” Alyssa said, pulling the blankets off of her, showing Trisha again, without words, that she was fully clothed.

“Alright then. We’ll be in the kitchen if you change your mind,” Trisha told her with a smile as she stepped out of Harry’s bedroom, leaving the door propped open.

“Oh my god, _Harry!”_ Alyssa whined, standing up to stare at him.

“What?” he asked, furrowing his brows in question.

“You’re half-naked!” Alyssa yelped.

“So,” he said, giving a shrug.

“So? Trisha just found us in bed together, and you’re half-naked. Don’t you think that might trigger a few questions?” She asked him, still feeling more than a little flustered.

“I didn’t know she’d come in here like that. And besides, I’m not used to sleeping with someone else, alright. It got hot in the middle of the night,” he chuckled, not finding an issue with it.

“ _Jesus_ ,” Alyssa said under her breath, letting out a sigh.

“You’re a twenty-two-year-old woman, Alyssa. I’m twenty-one. We’re adults. It’s not that big a deal. I promise you,” Harry said as he got out of the bed too.

“Yeah,” she said quietly.

“Trisha is still going to think you shit rainbows, even if she might think you fornicated with me,” he said with a mischievous smirk.

“HARRY!” Alyssa yelped, grabbing the nearest pillow, throwing it at his head.

“I’m kidding. I’m kidding,” Harry laughed, deflecting the pillow, knocking it to the floor.

“Not funny!” Alyssa laughed along with him.

“A little funny,” he retorted as he bent down to pick up his discarded shirt.

Alyssa watched, all too entranced as he replaced the shirt on his body, covering up all his well-developed goodness.

“Are you sure you have to go?” He inquired.

“I should,” she told him, trying to shake off the foreign feelings inside of her.

“Alright,” he said as he picked up the pillow she threw, tossing it back on the bed.

“Don’t worry about the clothes. You don’t have to change back into that dress,” he said, pointed toward her black gown from the previous night that was now slung across his desk chair.

“I have my clothes from yesterday I can change into,” she told him.

“No seriously, Alyssa. Don’t worry about it,” he said, waving it off.

“Are you sure?” She asked.

“I’m sure,” he said with a reassuring nod.

“Thanks, Harry,” Alyssa told him.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, sending her a smile.

“I mean, thanks for everything,” she clarified and he nodded.

Alyssa walked toward where her dress was and scooped it up in her arms, realizing how badly she didn’t want to lug the thing around.

“I’ll walk you out,” Harry told her as the two of them moved toward his door.

“Yeah. Just let me grab my things from Zayn’s room,” Alyssa told him, and he nodded in response.

Alyssa slipped into Zayn’s old room, being immediately bombarded with old sights and smells that brought on old memories. She moved as swiftly as she possibly could to retrieve her things before she slipped back out the door. Harry was still waiting for her in the hallway and smiled when he saw her. Alyssa smiled back and their eyes caught for a few silent moments, staring at one another.

“You’re a good friend, even when I don’t deserve you to be. You always have been. I just never realized it,” Alyssa told him, maybe truly realizing it then in that moment herself.

He didn’t say anything in response, he just looked to the floor and nodded his head lightly. Without really giving it a thought, Alyssa slipped her arm around him, giving him the best hug she could with her dress and bag in her other arm. It only took about a second for Harry to respond, wrapping his arms fully around her, squeezing her tightly. When his grip finally loosened, Alyssa pulled back and looked into his beautiful green eyes. His eyes were so different from Zayn’s and they held something else in them too. They looked at her rather than through her like Zayn’s always have. Harry was more genuine and honest than Zayn in almost every way. He had a heart that was big and giving – someone you could really trust. And he wasn’t naïve about it – he gave willingly even when he didn’t receive the same back from people. For years he tried to get Alyssa to open her eyes about Zayn – about how Zayn treated her, she just never listened. _She_ was the naïve one.

Her eyes broke away from Harry’s – they were too intense. Her cheeks blushed at the memory of Harry’s words trying to get her to realize how much Zayn was hurting her – how unfair it all was to her.

 

 

**_Winter 2014_ **

_Zayn hands came up through the sheets, touching Alyssa’s body._

_“Zayn, really… can we just sleep?” Alyssa whined, feeling nothing but exhaustion in that moment._

_“But you’re in my bed…” He said, being playful as his hand snaked its way up into her shirt to cup her breast._

_“Zayn, I’m serious. I’m drunk and I just want to go to sleep,” Alyssa said, pushing his hand down, which only made him grope her lower regions._

_They just got back from the bar and it was two a.m. Alyssa just wanted to go to bed._

_“Zayn! Stop!” She growled finally._

_“Alyssa Michelle! It’s not a big deal. I’ll do all the work,” he said, kissing up her neck._

_“Yeah and you’ll get your rocks off, but what about me?” She asked, feeling annoyed._

_“You want me to make you come? Because I can do that,” he said, snaking his hand in her shorts and cupping her mound._

_“Zayn, I’m serious. I just want to go to bed,” she said, trying to be as stern as possible. It wasn’t easy turning down someone she desired with every part of her anatomy._

_“Fine!” He snapped at her and turned over in a huff like a fucking baby._

_“Now you’re just going to be an asshole to me, aren’t you?” Alyssa questioned._

_“Well, you’re being a bitch to me,” he threw at her._

_“Oh, so I’m a bitch because I don’t want to have sex with you one time out of how many times, Zayn?” Alyssa asked as she sat up in bed. He was thoroughly pissing her off._

_“You’re a bitch because of the way you’re acting,” he snapped, sitting up to face her._

_“And you’re a fucking asshole because of the way you’re acting,” she shot at him._

_“Why don’t you just fucking go home, Alyssa?” He spat out meanly._

_“Fine, you dick! I will. Fuck you,” she yelped, getting out of his bed._

_“Fuck you,” he retorted and laid back down with his back to her._

_Alyssa flipped on his light so she could gather up all her things to leave, and when she left his room, she didn’t bother turning it off again out of spite. She would have slammed his door for good measure but she didn’t want to wake up any of his family._

_As Alyssa made her way down the hallway toward the stairs, she felt a rush of emotion that she couldn’t hold back. By the time she was descending the stairs, her tears were flowing pretty heavily. It only got worse when she realized the only shoes she had there were her black high heeled boots that she wore with her dress to the bar with Zayn. They were going to look real good with Zayn’s t-shirt and pajama pants she was wearing._

_Alyssa sat on the bench in the foyer just crying. She didn’t want to put those god damn boots back on and walk down the road to her house._

_“Alyssa?” She heard, breaking her out of her misery._

_Damn it. It was Harry._

_“Just leave me alone, Harry,” Alyssa told him, shielding her eyes away from him with her hand._

_“Why are you crying?” He asked, sounding genuinely concerned._

_“Harry, I’m serious,” Alyssa said, swiping her fingers under her eyes to clear away the tears._

_“What did Zayn do?” He asked in a grievance tone._

_Alyssa rolled her eyes at the fact that he completely ignored her when she told him to leave her alone. Seriously, what was with these fucking British dudes thinking they walked on water?_

_“How do you know it was Zayn?” Alyssa asked, realizing immediately that it was a stupid question._

_“Of course it was Zayn. It’s always Zayn,” Harry said, giving her a pointed look._

_“I don’t want to talk about it, Harry,” Alyssa said, standing up to look in the mirror on the foyer wall._

_Christ. Her makeup was nearly trailing down her face in lines. She looked like a nightmare._

_“Here,” Harry said, offering her some tissue._

_“Thanks,” she said, taking them from him._

_“What did he do?” Harry asked again._

_“God, Harry. Didn’t I say that I’m fine?” She huffed._

_“No. You said to leave you alone,” he answered truthfully._

_“Yeah. Go with that one,” Alyssa said sarcastically._

_“So, what? Is he making you walk home or something?” Harry asked._

_“You are such a nosey little shit, Harry,” Alyssa said, rolling her eyes._

_“Why? Because I’m concerned?” He scoffed._

_“Because you’re in my business like you actually care about me,” she snapped._

_“I do,” he said, and all she could do was let out a scoff in response._

_“Let me give you a ride home,” he offered._

_“I’m fine,” she said through clenched teeth._

_“You’re drunk,” he pointed out._

_“I live right down the street, Harry,” Alyssa countered immediately._

_“And you’re going to put those big ass boots back on your feet and walk a block to your house in the freezing cold?” He asked curiously._

_“That was the plan,” she said, taking a deep breath as she finished fixing her makeup._

_“Let me give you a ride and you won’t even have to put those boots on. Besides, they wouldn’t go with your outfit,” he said with a smirk._ _Alyssa couldn’t help but crack a smile at him. Little shit._

_“Fine. But I don’t want to hear a lecture from you about how shitty of a friend Zayn is,” Alyssa said, pointing her finger at him._

_“Just know I’ll be thinking it and it will be eating me up inside not to say it out loud,” he said, smirking wildly at her._ _Alyssa rolled her eyes at him with a smile on her face. He just had to say something._

_“Come on, let’s go,” Harry said, bending down to pick up her boots before he grabbed his keys and jacket._

_As the two of them got into his dad’s SUV, Alyssa couldn’t help but feel awkward being with Harry. She stayed silent in the passenger seat the entire time – which really wasn’t all that long since she lived so close._

_“Uh, thanks Harry. Even though I could have walked,” Alyssa said, feeling grateful, yet not at the same time._

_“Why can’t you ever accept nice gestures? Zayn has you brainwashed into thinking that being treated like shit is okay,” Harry said, annoyance lacing his words._

_“What happened to keeping your mouth shut?” Alyssa shot at him._

_“I can’t help it. It’s irritating. My brother doesn’t deserve you as his friend – plain and simple,” Harry snapped._

_“Well, whatever. Thanks,” Alyssa said, feeling annoyed as she got out of the car, slamming the door on purpose._

 

“I never understood why you always took Zayn’s bullshit. But I’m glad you’re standing up to him now,” Harry said, smiling proudly at her.

“It feels good to have the upper hand,” she told him as they made their way toward the staircase.

“Liberating?” He questioned.

“Yeah. It really is,” Alyssa told him honestly.

“Well, I hope you keep it up,” he said, smiling at her. Alyssa nodded without a word.

Harry walked her all the way to the door, watching as she slipped on a pair of flats she had in her bag.

“Thanks for the sleepover. It was like the old times in the TV room downstairs,” Harry said with a smirk on his face.

“Yeah, except I didn’t wake up with a back ache from sleeping on a floor,” Alyssa said with a laugh.

“Yeah, but we were kids. It was fun,” he pointed out.

“It was,” she agreed, thinking back fondly on it.

“Well, I’ll see you around, I guess,” Harry said, looking a bit awkward in the moment.

“Yeah, for sure. Uh, we should hang out more often,” Alyssa told him.

“Yeah, that would be fun,” he said, smiling bashfully. Alyssa immediately registered the blush creeping up his cheek and it made her smile.

“Do you have my number?” She asked.

“Uh… yeah… I think so. If not, I can get it from somebody,” he said, digging his phone out of his pocket, idly looking at the screen.

“Now this really does sound like we slept with each other,” Alyssa said, biting her lip as a smile engrossed her face.

“’Aye baby, can I get yo’ numba?’” Harry said in a fake-Jersey accent.

“Oh my god, no,” Alyssa said as they both laughed.

“Well, um. Alright. I’ll see you, Harry,” she said as she pulled open the front door.

“Bye, Warrior,” he called out, which made her giggle.

“Maybe you and I need to have a one-on-one game of b-ball to see who the true Warrior is!” Alyssa told him. Even though she knew he would totally kick her ass. He had way more skills than she ever would.

“I’d school you and you know it,” he called back to her. They both knew it, but she’d never admit it.

“Ha! Keep dreaming, Hazza!” Alyssa laughed as she reached her car.

“Don’t kid yourself,” Harry said with a chuckle.

“Huzzah, Hazza!” Alyssa called out her old tagline for him and saw him laugh from the front door just before she got into her car.

And he put a smile on her face that didn’t leave the whole way home.


	11. The one with the sympathy...

**Fall 2015**

It didn’t take Alyssa long to get home – she and Zayn lived less than ten minutes away. She honestly was not looking forward to seeing Zayn and Amber – which she figured Amber would have slept over since Zayn left the benefit so late the night before. They would have wanted their time together.

Surprisingly when Alyssa came in the door, the house was quiet. No obnoxious laugh coming from the bimbo, no music coming from Zayn’s make-shift art studio – nothing. Alyssa tip-toed quietly up the stairs. If Zayn was still sleeping she didn’t want to wake him up, because frankly she didn’t want to see him.

She got into her room and began taking off Harry’s clothes. She didn’t need Zayn to see her in his brother’s clothes and start thinking things that were unfathomable.

“Hey…” She heard from her door way.

“Zayn! Jesus! Do you knock?” Alyssa yelped, covering her bare chest up with her arms. She standing in the middle of her bedroom in only her thong underwear from the night before.

“You act like I haven’t seen you naked before. It’s natural,” he said with a scoff.

“Yeah. Well, you have a girlfriend now,” she snapped, causing him to shrug his shoulders smugly.

“And you need to learn to respect my privacy,” Alyssa added with an air of annoyance. Zayn rolled his eyes and turned around dramatically.

“Is this better?” He asked with an attitude.

“Just because I ask you to do one simple thing, Zayn, doesn’t give you the right to be a jerk,” she told him as she covered herself with her robe.

“I’m sorry,” he huffed lightly.

“Thank you. You can turn around now,” she said and watched as he did, rolling his eyes in the process.

“Where were you all night?” He asked curiously.

“You’re parents’ house,” she told him as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“You left with Harry,” he stated.

“Yeah. Harry was being a friend, unlike you,” she retorted.

Zayn sighed, his head bowing and his shoulders slumping as he took a deep breath like he was preparing for battle, before looking back up at her.

“Look, Alyssa. I know I haven’t been a very good friend, but I want to change, okay? I want us to be okay. You’ve just got to help me. You can’t give me this unnecessary attitude when I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m trying,” he said, looking slightly hurt.

“I’m sorry,” Alyssa apologized sheepishly. She was kind of being a bitch to him.

“I waited here all night for you to get home last night,” he said quietly, hanging his head again.

“Zayn,” she sighed, “I told you I needed space.”

“I know, but I was hoping you didn’t mean it,” he said sadly, looking up at her with his big brown puppy dog eyes.

“Zayn, we can be friends, okay. We’re always going to be friends. But there’s a lot that really needs to change between us,” she told him.

“What’s going to change?” He asked, almost cringing at the thought.

“For one, I’m not going to have sex with you anymore,” Alyssa stated boldly, hoping she would actually hold herself to it. She was her own worst enemy after all.

“Lyssa…” He sighed.

“That was harder for me to say than for you to hear, Zayn,” she told him honestly.

“But I mean, why can’t we? I mean, if you don’t have a boyfriend and I don’t have a girlfriend…” He started to argue.

“ _Because_ , Zayn. Because it is incredibly hard for me to look at you as _just_ a friend while we’re having sex, okay?” She told him honestly, knowing he wasn’t going to make it easy on her. But she knew she had to stand her ground no matter what, or Zayn Malik would continue to own her. Which wasn’t fair.

Zayn hung his head again, looking almost distressed. And Alyssa couldn’t figure out what she wanted to do more – comfort him or smack him as hard as she could.

“I’m sorry, that’s just how I feel,” she said, tightening her arms across her chest.

“I’m sorry too,” he said quietly, looking up at her. She had to look away from him. She didn’t want there to be a chance of her caving already.

“So everything sexual is out? Even kissing?” He questioned.

“Yes,” she told him. _God_. This was going to be so hard.

“Fine,” he said finally. Alyssa almost couldn’t believe her ears. 

“And like I said last night, I’m done with the way you’ve been treating me. I am your friend. I am not one of your conquests. I am not your slave. I am not your assistant. I am not beneath you – in any sense of the word. We’re friends and I deserve respect from you,” Alyssa said finally, trying to sound as stern as possible so he’d get the message.

“Okay, okay. I get it. I promise,” he said, sounding annoyed.

“I’m sure there is more, but for now, we can leave it at that,” Alyssa said as she sat down on her bed and crossed her legs. Zayn moved toward the other side of the bed and sat down with her.

“Alyssa…” Zayn said, looking over at her.

“Yeah, Zayn,” she answered.

“I feel really horrible,” he said quietly. Alyssa nodded because it was the only thing she could think to do. She didn’t know how to react.

“I just want to be your friend. I don’t want to make you feel bad. I-I… I’ve taken advantage of you. I know I have. And I’m sorry. I don’t deserve you,” he said, sounding incredibly genuine. It made her heart hurt.

“I’m glad to hear you admit you were wrong, Zayn. It’ll make it easier for us to move on from this,” she told him.

“I haven’t always been an asshole though, right? I mean, I was a good friend to you, wasn’t I?” He asked hopefully.

“Yes, Zayn. You were. You’ve had your shining moments. Why do you think I would put up with so much of your shit if there was no good to go with it?” Alyssa replied, smiling brightly at him.

 

 

 

**_Spring 2011_ **

****

_Imagine her surprise when she slept with a guy who wasn’t Zayn and all he wanted from her was sex. Alyssa knew she shouldn’t have let it happen, but she thought Miles would be different. She thought he actually liked her for her. But it turned out that wasn’t the case, because once she actually gave it up to him, he was off the next weekend getting it from another girl. Alyssa was absolutely crushed. She thought for sure she was going to get her happy ending – that she was going to be able to move on with someone who wasn’t Zayn. But she should have known._

_Alyssa spent weeks depressed over Miles, even though they only dated for a short time. She was more depressed over the fact that she knew at the age of eighteen that she was destined to be alone for the rest of her life. If she hadn’t found love by now, there really was no hope, was there?_

_Zayn wasn’t a whole lot of help, because he didn’t like that she was with Miles in the first place. Imagine that. Zayn the jealous type? No way. He did have one shining quality though as her best friend – he threatened to kick Miles’ ass for the way he treated her. Luckily, Alyssa stepped in and pulled him out of that. All in all Zayn was happy to see Miles gone for good. But Alyssa was just stuck. She was stuck being a pathetic waste of space on this earth, because her soul mate didn’t exist._

_She was lying with Zayn in his bedroom watching something stupid on TV. She didn’t really care. She just didn’t want to be sitting at home with her parents and her little brother._

_“Lyss, you really need to snap out of it. You’ve been in this funk for weeks now,” Zayn told her, rolling over to look at her._

_“I’m not in a funk,” she snapped, sending him a glare. Like, how dare he try to better her mental state?_

_“You are and it’s bumming me out,” he said, sending her a weird look._

_“It’s bumming you out? The guy that can and does get any girl he wants, including me, is getting bummed out? I don’t get guys, Zayn. And the one time I actually do, he leaves me the first chance he gets for something better,” Alyssa snapped, feeling the anger swell up inside of her again._

_“First of all, that girl was not better than you, Lyss. And second, that dude was a tool. Did you see that pussy haircut? Tool,” Zayn told her._

_“I liked his hair,” Alyssa grumbled under her breath, crossing her arms firmly over her chest._

_“Lyss, I hate that you’re so sad,” Zayn whined._

_“I can’t help it,” she said, shaking her head._

_“There’s someone out there for you, Alyssa. I promise. I may not like it. I may not want to let you go, but you’re going to be happy,” he told her._ _Alyssa looked over and stared in awe at him. She couldn’t believe those words came out of his mouth. It was just too sweet._

_“Where did the real Zayn go and when is he coming back?” Alyssa asked sarcastically._

_“Shut it, Lyss. I’m serious,” he told her._

_“Uh. Thanks, then,” she said, giving him a small smile._

_“C’mere,” he told her, holding out his arms._

_“What?” she asked, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion as she stared at him._

_“Come here,” he repeated as he grabbed her arms and tugged her against his body before he wrapped her up in his arms._

_Okay, she sort of knew Zayn was capable of being sweet every once in a while, but Alyssa didn’t think she would ever really be on the receiving end of it. But there they were – she was wrapped up in his strong arms, her head tucked underneath his chin. It felt right to her somehow. Like she was meant to be there all along. It was almost perfect. Then he started humming and for some reason she felt at peace._

_“’_ _She wants somebody to love, to hold her. She wants somebody to love in the right way. She wants somebody to love, to kiss her. She wants somebody to love in the right way…’” Zayn began to sing quietly._

_Alyssa couldn’t do anything but hold her breath and listen._ _Zayn’s voice was literally angelic and left goose bumps all over her body._ _He continued to sing the words again and she listened contently until he stopped._

_“What was that?” Alyssa asked quietly._

_“For you,” he said cryptically._

_“What?” She choked, literally. She coughed repeatedly, trying to catch her breath again._

_“Do I really have to repeat myself?” He asked, giving her a sly smile._

_“You wrote a song for me?” She questioned, still completely baffled._

_“Yeah, well, part of a song. It’s not finished or anything,” he said simply as if it was an everyday occurrence. Alyssa stared at him in disbelief. Was he for real?_

_“I know you’ve been going through a lot of shit, Lyss. But I want you to know I am your friend and I’ll always be there for you,” he told her sweetly._

_Alyssa felt stunned as she laid in Zayn’s arms. He wrote her a song? She couldn’t believe it._ _Zayn Javadd Malik – the love and shining light in her life, just sang her a song that he himself wrote. Zayn, her best friend – her everything._

_“Thank you so much, Zayn,” Alyssa said as she felt tears spur in the back of her eyes._

_“You’re welcome. I don’t like to see you sad. That Miles guy should be castrated for what he did to my girl,” he said, making the feelings she felt for him cement inside of her – even more than they did in previous years._

_Alyssa knew she’d love him for the rest of her life._

“Alyssa?” Zayn asked quietly.

“Hmm,” she answered, shaking away the memory.

“Are we going to be okay? Like really?” He asked hopefully.

“I think so,” she told him, really hoping they would.

“I don’t think I could handle it if we weren’t,” he said sadly, grabbing her hand in his.

“I don’t think I could either,” she told him truthfully.

“I love you. You know that, right?” Zayn said in a reassuring tone.

“I know, Zayn. I know,” she said, nodding her head lightly.

“Do you still love me?” He asked.

“I do. I am trying my hardest to not make any more out of that love than necessary, but I can almost guarantee I love you more than anyone else on the planet – I mean, well besides your family. They might love you a bit more,” she told him.

“But Lyss, you are my family,” he said sweetly with a sideways smirk tugging up his lip.

Her heart squeezed in her chest. _God._ She sure missed the hell out of her sweet Zayn. She leaned over and wrapped him into a hug.

“You’re my family too, Zayn,” she told him as sincerely as possible.


	12. The one with the picture…

**Early 2016**

Alyssa woke up entirely too early, wondering what the hell she was doing wide awake at eight in the morning. Once she realized sleep was not going to come back, she crawled out of bed and made her way downstairs. It had been weeks since she and Zayn had their fight at the charity benefit and since she and Harry decided to be friends again. Zayn was still dating Amber, and much to Alyssa’s surprise, they were actually pretty good together. She didn’t hate Amber as much as she did initially. She brought out the good side in Zayn. Actually, Alyssa figured _she_ brought it out with their fight, but Amber definitely kept him in line.

She and Harry – well, they were friends. He was actually becoming a really good friend of hers. They hung out quite often, especially since her bestie was always with his girlfriend. Zayn was slowly getting used to the fact that Alyssa and Harry were on good terms. He didn’t like it at first, but respected Alyssa’s decision to rekindle their friendship.

As Alyssa made her way downstairs to make some coffee, she found Zayn and Harry sitting at the kitchen table talking. 

“I can’t believe you’re finished with it,” Zayn said to his brother.

“It’s been a while, but I’m finally done,” Harry said with a small smile on his face.

“Hello, my boys,” Alyssa said, walking to the coffee maker, which she was happy to find was still filled with hot, fresh coffee.

“Good morning,” they said in unison. 

Alyssa poured herself a cup and walked toward the table. She patted Harry on the top of the head before making her way over to sit next to Zayn.

“What’d you finish with, Harry?” Alyssa asked curiously as she swiped a strawberry off of Zayn’s plate.

“I was going to eat that, you thief,” Zayn shot at her.

“You snooze, you lose,” Alyssa said, wiggling her eyebrows at him.

“ _Brat_ ,” he grumbled moving the plate out of her reach.

“So, Harry…” Alyssa said, about to ask her question again.

“I finished my album,” Harry chimed in, giving her a smile.

“No way! You didn’t tell me you were so close!” Alyssa said excitedly.

“Yep. We put the finishing touches on it last night,” he replied, looking so proud.

“Oh my god. It’s going to be huge!” Alyssa said, feeling so much excitement for him.

“I doubt that, but thank you,” he said, smiling and blushing, acting bashful from the attention.

“You have so much talent. People are fools if they can’t see that,” Alyssa went on.

“Well, you’ve got your first fan, Harry,” Zayn said, laughing at Alyssa’s enthusiasm.

“Duh! _Two Ghosts_. Oh my god. That song,” Alyssa said dramatically, holding her hand over her heart. Harry eyed her for a second, before letting out a small laugh.

“Wait. You’ve heard stuff from the album?” Zayn asked Alyssa.

“Yeah. I’ve been in the studio a few times with Harry,” she told him.

“And I performed that song at the charity benefit,” Harry chimed in.

“How come she’s been to the studio and I haven’t?” Zayn turned to Harry.

“Because she actually hangs out. You’re always with Amber,” Harry pointed out.

“It would have been nice to have been asked,” Zayn said, looking at his brother like he was truly offended.

“Oh, are you jealous, Zaynie?” Alyssa asked, reaching up to squeeze his cheek, and he immediately swatted her hand away.

“I didn’t think you’d care. You never wanted to hear my stuff at home,” Harry said, giving a shrug.

“And Alyssa did?” Zayn asked incredulously.

“Yes!” She protested, giving Zayn her own look of offense.

“Alyssa always listened to my stuff,” Harry pointed out, causing Zayn to scoff.

“Oh, Zayn. Stop being a baby. We’ll include you next time we do something,” Alyssa chuckled, shaking her head at him.

“Now you see how I felt all those years when you two never included me,” Harry shot at his brother.

“Except you’re stealing _my_ best friend,” Zayn quickly retorted.

“Like she wasn’t my friend too? You just hoarded her and refused to share,” Harry countered, narrowing his eyes at his brother.

Alyssa couldn’t help but chuckle. They were fighting over her after all, and she was sitting right there.

“I didn’t hoard her! She could have easily hung out with you,” Zayn scoffed, in turning causing both Harry and Alyssa to laugh.

“What?” Zayn asked, his attention turning to Alyssa.

“You kind of hoarded me. But then again, I was like _in love_ with you and stuff,” Alyssa giggled, shrugging her shoulders, truly appreciating that she could finally talk about her feelings without consequence.

“Whatever, you guys. I love being blamed for everything,” Zayn grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Oh, Zaynie. Calm down,” Alyssa cooed, wrapping her arm around his neck before laying her head on his shoulder.

“How did this conversation go south so fast?” Harry chuckled, shaking his head.

“I’m kryptonite,” Alyssa joked as she pulled back her arm from around Zayn.

“Apparently,” Harry said, smirking at her.

“Do you remember when we used to actually get along when we were all together?” Alyssa asked, just before she took a sip of her coffee.

“Hmm. Barely,” Zayn replied.

“Not a whole lot of those memories…” Harry stated truthfully.

 

**_Summer 2007_ **

_“10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Ready or not, here I come!” Doniya shouted loud enough so Zayn, Harry, Alyssa, Waliyha and Harry’s sister Gemma could all hear._

_They were all hiding in the yard in different spots. Luckily for them, the yard was huge. Unlucky for Doniya, though._

_Zayn was the first to get found in their wonderful game of hide n’ seek. But that’s because he hid in the most obvious of places – Safaa’s playhouse. What a terrible spot to hide._

_Alyssa was hidden behind the garbage cans on the side of the back garage hoping Doniya would find one of the other three next and so she could claim victory over all of them._

_“Aha! I FOUND YOU, ALYSSA!” Doniya yelled, scaring the crap out of Alyssa._

_“Dang it!” She said as she laughed._

_“Now I’ve just got to find the rest of them,” Doniya said, rubbing her palms together._

_“You didn’t help her find me, did you!?” Alyssa said, pointing an accusatory finger at Zayn._

_“No! I swear,” Zayn said, holding his hands up in front of him._

_“I found you by myself,” Doniya stated proudly, already traipsing through the yard trying to find one of the other three. Gemma came next, then Waliyha._

_Alyssa, Gemma and Zayn spotted Harry almost immediately, but it took Doniya much longer, nearly combing through the entire backyard before she decided to look up. Harry was hidden up in one of the tall pine trees toward the back of the yard._

_“THERE YOU ARE! Get down here!” Doniya said, pointing up at her step-brother._

_Harry laughed as he started climbing down. When he got close enough to jump, he did. But his foot caught on the branch and he slipped causing him to fall straight on his arm._ _He screamed out in pain and all of them ran to his side._

_“Waliyha, go get Mum!” Zayn shouted as she took off toward the house._

_“It hurts,” Harry cried, holding his arm against him._

_“Don’t move it. Waliyha went to get Trisha,” Gemma told her little brother._

_“You’re going to be okay, Harry. I promise,” Alyssa told him._

_It didn’t take long for Trisha to come running out with Waliyha and little Safaa right behind her._

_“What was he doing in the tree?” Trisha gasped._

_“We were playing hide n’ seek. He was hiding up there,” Zayn told her._

_“You all need to be more careful. You know better than to climb these trees,” she scolded all of them._

_“What were we supposed to do? He would have climbed the tree either way,” Zayn protested._

_Trisha piled all of the kids in the minivan and brought them to the hospital for Harry to be seen. They waited in the ER waiting room for upwards of four hours – bored out of their minds before Harry came out with his bright green cast. He broke his wrist in two places and would need to wear the cast for a while in order for it to heal._

_“Hey, Harry. Can I draw on your cast when we get back?” Alyssa asked him as they rode in the back of the van together._

_“Only if it’s something cool,” he told her._

_“It’s going to be the best looking cast ever,” Alyssa promised him with a wide smile._

_“It’s true, Harry. Lyssa’s really good at drawing,” Zayn told his brother._

_When they got back to the house Zayn, Harry and Alyssa all sat down in the TV room as Zayn and Alyssa drew some pretty gnarly pictures all over Harry’s cast. By the time they were done, they had used every color sharpie they could find – drawing patterns and shapes and cartoons and people all over the cast making it a pretty sweet looking mural._

_It was a good day – minus the whole arm breakage._

 

__

“You guys are my best friends and I wish you would just get along,” Alyssa told them as she began to idly scroll through her cell phone apps.

“Well, I get along with him,” Harry countered, which made Zayn scoff.

“You two are ridiculous,” Alyssa said, rolling her eyes as Zayn’s phone began to ring.

All three of them saw Amber’s name flash across the screen, and knew Zayn wouldn’t ignore it for them. He answered almost immediately, causing Alyssa to look at Harry and mouth the word ‘whipped’. Harry laughed and nodded his head, causing Zayn to send them both a glare as he got up from the table, taking his plate with him.

“I guess we’re chopped liver,” Alyssa snickered.

“I guess so,” Harry said.

Harry and Alyssa sat at the table silently, both of them looking at their phones.

Alyssa scrolled through the main screen of her Instagram feed, looking at the pictures of all the people and celebrities she followed. Her eyes caught immediately when she saw a picture of a half-naked dude scroll by. She instinctively went back to get a second look, and her jaw dropped. Not only was it a picture of a half-naked dude, but it was a Boomerang mini-video of that someone working out at the gym.

“Harry Styles!” Alyssa hissed, startling him to attention.

“What?” He asked, looking alarmed.

The picture that caught her eyes was _him,_ all sweaty and sexy and tattooed up. It was him, in a way she definitely never saw him before.

“ _Jesus_ … God,” she said as her eyes took in every inch of the picture.

“What?” Harry asked impatiently.

“Uh… your Instagram picture,” she said, looking up at him.

“Oh,” he said, smiling and blushing immediately.

“Oh? God, look at you!” She continued.

“I work out,” he said quietly.

“I can see that,” she said with a laugh.

“Stop gawking at it,” Harry laughed as Alyssa continued to stare at her phone.

“I can’t. I mean, _Jesus_. I didn’t know you had so much… definition. And all those tattoos,” she told him, causing him to laugh.

“When did you get that massive butterfly on your stomach?” Alyssa questioned, looking up at him. She knew he got the two birds on his collarbones quite a while ago, but that butterfly was definitely new… like, new-new.

“Uh, last week,” he said with a small smirk on his face.

“Wow,” Alyssa said, looking down at the picture again. Harry chuckled.

“Do you know I love butterflies?” Alyssa said, looking up at him again.

“Hmm…” he hummed, quirking an eyebrow.

“What?” She asked, smirking back at him before taking another peek at the picture on her phone.

“Wanna do something tonight?” He asked, changing the subject.

“Like what?” She asked, quirking her eyebrow at him.

“I don’t know. We could go see a movie or something,” he suggested, nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders.

“Sure,” she said as she saved Harry’s picture to her phone.

“Did you just screen shot my picture?” Harry asked her, causing her to laugh.

“No!” She lied.

“You did, didn’t you?” He laughed.

“No, I didn’t!” She scoffed, feeling her cheeks heat up.

“Let me see your phone,” he said, holding out his hand.

“No,” she said, shaking her head.

“Liar,” he said finally, letting out a light laugh.

“Shut up,” she said, knowing she’d probably never live it down.

“How did you know I didn’t have any plans on a Saturday night?” She asked him with a smile, trying to change the subject quickly. He smirked at her and shrugged his shoulders.

“Should we get food before the movie?” Alyssa asked him.

“Sure,” he said.

“Alright. How about I buy us dinner and you pay at the movies?” She suggested.

“Sounds perfect,” he said, smiling at her.

“Perfect,” she said, looking down at her phone again, getting blown away by the half-naked picture of Harry. She finally allowed herself to scroll past it and let out a breath when she did.

“Do you think we should invite Zayn?” Alyssa asked Harry.

“No. Why?” Harry asked, giving her an odd look.

“I don’t know. Didn’t we just tell him we’d invite him along the next time we do something?” She asked.

“Next time,” Harry said, smirking at her and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“Alright. Next time,” she agreed.


	13. The one with the date that's not a date...

**Early 2016**

 

Harry came back to the condo to pick Alyssa up around six that evening so they could catch an early dinner. He made her pick the restaurant, you know, since she was paying. 

“I don’t know what you like to eat!” Alyssa protested.

“Food, Alyssa. I like to eat food,” he deadpanned.

“Ha ha. No shit,” she said, glaring at him.

“Just pick. It’s like if you were taking me on a date, you’d choose the restaurant and pay for me,” Harry said, sending Alyssa a playful bob of his eyebrows.

“Oh, really?” She laughed.

“Yeah. We’re throwing gender roles out the window tonight, Alyssa,” Harry said, nodding his head.

“Fine, but that means since you’re paying for the movie, you have to pick the movie we’re going to see,” she told him.

“Okay, but that means you can’t complain about it. You’ve given up all rights,” he said, smirking deviously at her.

“Nah-uh. If it’s stupid, I’m going to tell you it’s stupid,” she laughed.

“Well, if my food sucks, then I’m going to tell you it sucks,” Harry retorted.

“Okay. But it’s not going to bother me since I didn’t make the food,” she laughed.

“Well, it’s not going to bother me because I didn’t make the movie,” he said smugly.

“Then don’t complain if I complain about it,” she said as she hip checked him.

“You complain about everything,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“I do not, you little shit,” Alyssa laughed.

“Ha!” Harry laughed, throwing his arm around her neck, pulling her into a headlock as they walked toward his car.

“HARRY!” Alyssa whined as he gave her a playful noogie.

“Always complaining,” he teased, finally letting her go.

“That’s because you messed up my hair!” She said and punched him in the arm.

 _“’That’s because you messed up my hair’,”_ he said, mimicking her in a whiny voice.

“Harry Edward Styles, you are literally _asking_ to have your ass kicked right now,” Alyssa scolded him, causing him to laugh out loud.

“Come on, you lunatic. We’re going to be late for our movie if you don’t stop making a fool of yourself in this driveway,” Harry laughed, grabbing her arm to pull her along.

“I’m making a fool of myself?” Alyssa laughed sarcastically.

“Are you implying that I am?” He asked, smirking at her. She could only laugh at him in response.

“Shut up, _Lyssy_ ,” he said, using Zayn’s annoying nickname for her as he walked to the driver side of his car.

“Oooh, boy. You are going to get it. So hard,” she threatened as she made her way to the passenger side.

“And what is this ‘it’ I’m going to get?” He asked, quirking his eyebrow as he looked across the roof of the car at her.

“A beat down,” Alyssa said, opening up the passenger door.

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind,” he laughed as he opened his door and got in.

All throughout dinner they kept up their witty banter. Harry was so much fun to be around and Alyssa was quickly realizing she and Harry got along better than she and Zayn did most days. She could only chalk it up to her and Zayn being so used to each other that they sometimes forgot to be civil with one another if they were in a bad mood. Plus, all the sexual baggage they had wasn’t helping them any.

“Okay. So, what movie did you pick?” She asked Harry as they walked out to his car after they ate dinner.

“I’m not telling you yet. You’re probably going to hate it, so I’d rather not hear the whining until after I buy your ticket,” he said with a mischievous smirk.

“I’m never going on a date with you again,” Alyssa scoffed as she pushed him lightly.

“A date?” He asked, stopping in his tracks, looking at her oddly.

“It’s like a date that’s not really a date,” Alyssa told him with a shrug of her shoulders.

“A date that’s not really a date?” Harry asked, giving her a look of bullshit.

“Hey, you’re the one who asked me out!” Alyssa laughed.

“If I asked you out, there would be no question of whether or not it was a date,” Harry countered.

“Oh, really?” She asked, quirking her eyebrow at him.

“Yeah. It wouldn’t just be a casual _‘wanna do something tonight’_ kind of thing,” Harry said as he continued to walk toward his car. Alyssa, on the other hand, was left reeling on the sidewalk, wondering what in the hell he meant by that statement.

“Are you coming or what? This date that’s-not-a-date has time restraints,” Harry called out to her.

Alyssa quickly jogged to the passenger side and slipped in, feeling a bit frazzled. Harry didn’t say much on the way to the theater and it made Alyssa feel even more awkward. She looked over at her silent friend and wondered what he was thinking.

“What?” He asked, looking over at her.

“Nothing,” she said, looking straight out the windshield again and he did the same.

“Why did you get quiet all of a sudden?” Alyssa asked, unable to keep the question in her brain any longer.

“I don’t know. Why did you?” He asked, countering the question with a question.

“Because you did,” she told him.

“I don’t know,” he said, shrugging his shoulders as he pulled into the movie theater parking lot.

The two of them got out of the car after having to park several rows back due to overcrowding and set out toward the theater. Alyssa looked over at him as they walked and he smirked at her.

“What?” He asked.

“Where’s your head, Harry?” She asked.

“I’m just mentally preparing myself for the flack that you’re going to give me when I tell you we’re going to go see _Captain America: Civil War_ ,” Harry said, smirking at her.

“Harrr-reh!” She whined and he laughed out loud.

“See,” he laughed.

“I haven’t even seen the first two!” Alyssa whined as they walked up to the window to pay for the tickets.

“You’ll love it. Chris Evans and RDJ. Come on,” he laughed and Alyssa glared playfully at him.

“Two tickets for _Captain America_ ,” Harry said to the woman at the ticket booth.

“You are _so_ buying me popcorn, candy and a soda… jerk,” Alyssa said, giving him her best glare.

“Ha. You’re going to make me break the bank,” he laughed.

“Good,” she told him as the lady handed him the tickets after he paid.

“Come on,” he said, wrapping his arm around her neck tightly, pulling her along.

“You’re really trying to fuck my hair tonight,” she said, pushing away from him as they walked in.

“No, not your hair,” he said suggestively with a wide smirk on his face.

“Hazza!” She yelped and hit him hard in the arm.

“I’m kidding. I’m kidding!” He laughed as he dodged a second smack from her.

“You’re not allowed to talk dirty to me!” She laughed.

 _“Pssssh!”_ He scoffed immediately.

“God, I cannot believe you,” she laughed as they got in line for concessions.

“I can’t believe you’re still hungry after dinner,” he quipped.

“I’m not. I just want you to pay for unnecessary shit,” she said spitefully.

“Of course,” he laughed.

“What can I get for you?” The concessionist in front of them asked. 

“I need the _largest_ bucket of popcorn and the _largest_ soda. Make that two sodas,” she told the girl.

“I don’t need one,” Harry told the girl.

“He does. Diet Coke. Make mine a Sprite. Light ice,” Alyssa told her.

“You’re ridiculous, Lyss,” Harry chuckled.

“And I want the gummy worms and the Milk Duds. _Oooh,_ and the Raisinets,” she said, pointing at the candy case.

“ _Jesus_ ,” Harry laughed. Alyssa looked back at him and gave him a devious smirk.

“My blood sugar is spiking just thinking about all that candy,” he said with a smile.

“It’s going to be good,” Alyssa told him with a bob of her eyebrows.

“Anything else?” The concessionist asked.

“Anything else, Harry?” Alyssa smirked at him.

“No, no. I think we’re good,” he chuckled.

“That’ll be $23,” the girl told them.

“You’re trouble, Alyssa Michelle Rossi,” Harry said, smirking at her, pulling out his bank card.

“You love me,” she said, wrinkling her nose at him.

“Unfortunately,” he said as he rolled his eyes.

Once they were settled in the packed theater with their treats, Alyssa and Harry sat waiting for the previews to start. Alyssa reached over and grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bucket that was in Harry’s lap.

“There better not be a hole in the bottom of that bucket, Styles,” Alyssa told him. He nearly choked on the sip of Diet Coke he just took.

“Why do you get to make sexual jokes and I don’t?” He laughed.

“’Cause I’m not a pervert,” she said, smiling at him.

“You’re a bigger pervert than I am!” He laughed.

“Ha, yeah right!” Alyssa laughed as the previews started up.

“ _Shhhhhhh_. The previews are starting,” he said over-dramatically.

“Oh, shut up,” Alyssa giggled, rolling her eyes at him.

 _“SHHHH!”_ He said again, clamping his hand over her mouth. Alyssa couldn’t help but laugh as she tried to pry his hand from her face.

“Alyssa, be quiet,” he laughed.

“Hazza,” she mumbled against his hand.

 _“Shhhhh!”_ He said again. A moment later, Alyssa took the opportunity to lick his hand, since he wasn’t letting go.

“Gross!” He laughed, finally letting go to wipe his palm on his jeans.

 _“SHHHH!”_ Alyssa retaliated.

“Ooh,” he said, reaching over to squeeze her knee, causing her to jump and yelp because it tickled. 

 _“SHHH!”_ He laughed and Alyssa glared at him playfully.

“Watch the movie,” he whispered, pointing to the screen.

“Brat,” she grumbled and let her attention fall to the screen.

Sitting in a dark movie theater with Harry brought her back to the days when she would go with his family to movies growing up.

 

 

**_Summer 2007_ **

****

_“I want to go see Spiderman 3!” Zayn whined in the van on the way to the movie theater._

_“I want to see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix!” Alyssa whined to one-up Zayn._

_“Harry, what do you want to go see?” Zayn asked._

_“I want to see Harry Potter,” Harry told his older brother._

_“You’re just saying that because you’re mad at me!” Zayn said, giving him a shove._

_“Zayn! Don’t push your brother!” Trisha said from the front seat._

_“Two for Harry Potter. One for Spidey. Doniya, what do you want to see?” Alyssa asked._

_“I want to see them both,” Doniya told her._

_“But you have to choose!” Zayn whined._

_“Well, I kind of want to see Spiderman more,” Doniya said with a ‘sorry’ look on her face._

_“YES!” Zayn gloated._

_“Calm down, Zayn!” Trisha snapped._

_“That’s two to two,” Alyssa sighed as they pulled into the theater parking lot._

_“I’ll flip a coin,” Doniya said, grabbing a quarter from the center console of the van._

_“Heads Harry Potter, tails Spidey,” she said, flipping it in the air before catching it and clamping it against the top of her hand._

_Alyssa crossed her fingers for Harry, hoping luck would be in hers and Harry’s favor._

_“Tails,” Doniya said as Trisha parked the van._

_“YES!” Zayn yelled again._

_“Shut up!” Harry and Alyssa said at the same time._

_“Sore losers!” Zayn laughed, whipping open the van door._

_“You could always come to see Ratatouille with me and the girls,” Trisha offered._

_“Yeah!” Safaa said excitedly. Waliyha let out a sigh, because she wasn’t happy that her mom wouldn’t let her go see the movie that the bigger kids were going to see._

_“No way!” Zayn scoffed._

_Harry and Alyssa weren’t exactly happy that they were forced to go see Spiderman 3. Although, by the end of the movie they were both hooked. Spiderman kicks ass after all. Just in their opinion, Harry Potter kicks more ass. Duh._

_When they got home from the movie, Harry and Zayn wanted to act out the movie in the backyard. Alyssa was laughing so hard at the two of them as Zayn ran around as Spiderman and Harry played Doc Ock. Of course they wanted Alyssa to play Mary Jane, but she was having more fun watching them make fools out of themselves. Oh, the imagination of boys._

 

 

Alyssa smiled to herself at the memory, completely ignoring the current preview that was on the screen. 

“What?” Harry whispered to her.

“Nothing,” she said, shaking her head.

“You’ll have to tell me later,” he whispered and she nodded at him.

She had to admit, _Captain American: Civil War_ was pretty good. But like she said, she hadn’t seen the first two, so some of it was confusing. But Chris Evans and RDJ were phenomenal as usual. Plus they were both fantastic eye candy.

“What did you think?” Harry asked, stretching his arms over his head as the lights came back up in the auditorium.

“It was okay,” Alyssa told him, keeping her voice level on purpose. She’d never admit it to him that she enjoyed it.

“I liked it,” he said with a smile.

“Yeah, but you like any movie. You like seeing movies, period,” she pointed out.

“True,” he agreed.

When the two of them were walking back to his car, Harry playfully hip-checked Alyssa, causing her feet to stray from the sidewalk.

 _“Jeez,”_ she grumbled, righting herself again next to him. 

“What were you laughing about when the movie started?” He asked curiously.

“Oh. Ha,” Alyssa said, smiling again at the memory from their childhood.

“What?” He smirked.

“I was thinking about how we went to see _Spiderman 3_ and you and Zayn acted it out in the backyard afterward,” Alyssa giggled.

“Ha, that was fun,” he said, nodding his head as he let out a laugh.

“You guys always did a good job of making fools out of yourselves,” Alyssa laughed.

“Whatever,” Harry laughed, hip-checking her again.

“We totally wanted to go see _Harry Potter_ ,” he pointed out.

“Damn Doniya and Zayn for not letting us see it that day,” Alyssa laughed.

“Yeah. I honestly can’t believe _Harry Potter_ is all over now,” Harry sighed.

“It was amazing. And I cried when it was over,” Alyssa told him.

“You cried?” Harry laughed.

“DUH! It’s Harry Potter!” She laughed.

“You’re such a girl,” he laughed, throwing his arm around her neck again.

“You’re such a dick,” she laughed, punching him lightly in the side.

“But you love me,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Unfortunately,” she said, rolling her eyes at him.


	14. The one with the back-sliding...

**Early 2016**

Alyssa walked in the door of the condo with a smile on her face after Harry dropped her off. She loved how her and Harry got along so well. It was quite the contrast of what it was like between them less than a month ago. He wasn’t just an acquaintance or a nuisance anymore. He wasn’t just a friend either – he was a _best_ friend, and she liked it.  

“Zayn?” Alyssa called out, wondering if he was home or out with his lady friend.

“In here,” she heard him say from the living room. 

The only light shining through to the living room was from the kitchen. Zayn was otherwise sitting in the dark. 

“Zayn?” She questioned furrowing her brow, knowing Zayn well enough to know that something was up.

Alyssa noticed the bottle of vodka sitting on the coffee table first, and then she saw the desolate look on his face.

“Zayn, are you okay?” Alyssa asked concerned.

“Wanna drink with me?” He asked, holding up a glass in his hand.

“Why… why are you drinking… alone?” She asked confused.

“Amber,” he said, his voice low.

“What happened?” She asked as her heart bled for him.

“She met someone else,” he said, his words already slightly slurring.

“She cheated on you?” Alyssa gasped.

“She says she didn’t. She met this guy and she wants to see where things go with him,” he said, taking a sip of his glass of vodka.

“Zayn,” Alyssa said quietly as she sat down next to him.

“She says she loves me, but she’s not sure if we’re right for each other,” he went on to say.

“I’m sorry, Zayn,” she sighed.

“Where have you been?” He asked, finally looking up at her.

“Harry and I went out,” Alyssa told him truthfully.

“You went out? Like on a date?” He asked, looking and sounding surprised.

“No, no, no. Harry and I are just friends, Zayn. We went out as friends. Like you and I go out as friends,” she explained.

“You and I have sex,” he retorted quickly. She wanted to say ‘not anymore’, but she was too busy trying to dispel the imaginary images of Harry rolling around naked, having sex.

“Harry and I _do not_ have sex,” Alyssa laughed.

“Good,” he said, relaxing against the sofa, downing the rest of the vodka in his glass in one gulp.

“So, you’re just drinking by yourself?” She asked, changing the subject as fast as she could.

“I was waiting for my _best-friend-drinking-buddy_ to get home. Well, I guess I wasn’t waiting. I was drinking alone until you got here to drink with me,” he said, handing her an empty glass from the coffee table. Alyssa smiled, thinking of how thoughtful it was for him to have a glass waiting for her.

“Pour me a glass, bartender,” she told him, holding out her empty tumbler. Zayn smiled and grabbed the bottle of vodka, filling the glass up a third of the way full.

“Bottoms up,” Alyssa said and downed the whole thing.

“Damn girl,” Zayn smiled.

“I’ve gotta catch up,” she told him, making a retched face because of the gnarly taste of the vodka.

“You’re the best friend ever,” he told her matter-of-factly.

“You’d be lost without me,” she said knowingly.

“I would be,” he agreed with a small chuckle.

Several drinks later, Alyssa was definitely feeling the buzz. Zayn was already drunk and Alyssa was trying to do everything in her power to keep him from being mopey.

“So what did you and Harry do?” Zayn asked, his head propped up against the back of the sofa.

“Dinner and a movie,” she told him.

“Sounds like a date,” Zayn pointed out.

“It wasn’t. He kept telling me what a pain in the ass I was and I kept telling him what a dick he was. _Friends_. Plus, he took me to see a sequel to a movie that I’ve never fucking seen. _Dick_ ,” Alyssa laughed.

“What movie?” Zayn asked.

“ _Captain America: Civil War_ ,” Alyssa told him.

“ _Uhh_. I wanna see that,” Zayn whined.

“You’re a whiner,” Alyssa giggled.

“Shut it. You’re a pain in the ass,” he shot at her, giving her a smug look.

“You whined and got your way when we went to see _Spiderman 3_ when we were kids,” Alyssa laughed.

“Jesus, that was forever ago,” he chuckled.

“We were like, fourteen,” Alyssa said with a nod of her head.

“And by the way, I did not whine to get my way. Doniya flipped a coin, fair and square,” Zayn pointed out.

“Ha, you remember,” Alyssa laughed.

“Of course I do, you big baby,” he snapped playfully.

“Big baby?” Alyssa scoffed at him.

“’ _I wanna go see Harry Potter. Wah wah wah’_ ,” Zayn said, mocking her.

“I was not like that, Zayn!” She laughed.

“You and Harry both were,” he scoffed out a laugh.

“We went and saw _Spiderman_ , didn’t we?” Alyssa countered.

“AND YOU LOVED IT. Win-win,” he said smugly.

“I seem to recall you loving _Harry Potter_ when we went to see that too,” Alyssa pointed out.

“ _Spiderman_ all the way!” He said, wrapping his hand around his mouth like a mega phone.

“You’re obnoxious!” She said, shoving him further away from her.

He quickly grabbed her wrists to stop her from pulling back, which surprised her because of the drunken state he was in. His reflexes were still on point.

“You’re a brat!” Zayn laughed.

“Let go, Malik,” Alyssa laughed as she tried to free her wrists.

“No way!” He scoffed at her.

“Zayn!” She whined.

 _“Lyssy,”_ he whined back.

“Don’t… call… me… that,” she growled as she got up on her knees on the couch so she could try to overpower him and get her wrists free.

“What are you doing?” He laughed, giving her an odd look.

“Trying to kick your ass,” she said, squirming her wrists around in his hands.

“’ _Trying_ ’ being the operative word,” Zayn laughed at her.

“Zayn, you’re hurting me,” she whined. His gripped loosened immediately and Alyssa broke free.

“HAHA! Sucker!” She laughed, throwing her arm around the back of his neck to wrestle him.

“You little shit!” He laughed, wrapping his arms around her to twist her body from his.

In no time at all he got her pinned down on the couch with her hands pinned up above her head. 

“What now, bossy Rossi?” He laughed. Immediately, Alyssa lifted her knee up, pressing it against his manhood, threatening to strike if necessary. 

“I could easily get out of this with one swift motion of my knee,” Alyssa said smoothly.

“Oh, uh-uh,” he said and squeezed his legs together, trapping her knee between them.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Alyssa breathed and Zayn laughed.

“What now, Lyss?” He asked, hovering above her. 

Alyssa squirmed under him, but it was no use. He was way stronger than her in every way. Alyssa sighed, letting her body relax below him. She knew surrendering would be easier.

“Give up?” He asked and Alyssa glared at him.

“Say you give up,” Zayn said.

“Never!” She said firmly, not willing to give in to his smugness.

“SAY YOU GIVE UP!” Zayn laughed.

“No!” Alyssa giggled.

Zayn worked his left hand around both of her wrists, holding her in place, while his right hand came down to tickle her side. 

“Fuck… You… Zayn!” She screeched as she squirmed and fought against him.

“Are you ticklish, Lyssy? Are you?” He taunted her, thinking his torture was funny. 

They were in such an odd position. It was almost like they were playing a ridiculous game of _Twister_ – their limbs in all sorts of compromising positions. 

“FUCKING STOP IT, ZAYN!” Alyssa screamed, trying sound serious through her uncontrollable fit of giggles.

“Okay, okay,” he laughed, finally conceding. 

Seriousness took over both of them as they looked into each other’s eyes. It had been months since they’d been that close, and Alyssa couldn’t help but miss it. Zayn’s right hand came up and brushed sweetly against her cheek, causing her heart to warm and her body to heat up.

“You really are beautiful, Lyssa,” he said quietly.

“Zayn…” She breathed, searching his eyes for something, anything to tell her he was being sincere.

Without another thought, she leaned up and planted her lips against his, breaking her own rule.

 

**_Winter 2010_ **

****

_“Do you ever think about it?” Zayn asked Alyssa as they sat in his bed watching reruns of Boy Meets World on the Disney Channel._

_“Think about what?” She asked confused as she watched Cory and Topanga kiss for the first time on the TV. Such an epic moment._

_“About when we… you know,” he said awkwardly. Alyssa’s vision shot to his, wondering why on earth he would be bringing up the time when they lost their virginities to each other._

_“Uh…” She stammered. She was speechless._

_“Because I think about it all the time,” he told her._

_“You do?” Alyssa choked the words out. Her mouth was so dry. She was blushing and nervous, just from the mention of it._

_“Yeah. I mean, it’s not a big deal or anything,” he said, casually shrugging his shoulders._

_“It was a big deal,” Alyssa retorted, looking down at her hands._

_“Well, yeah, it was…” he said quietly. Alyssa was silent, unable to think about anything but the memories of their first time together._

_“Do you ever think about doing it again?” He asked._

_“What?” She choked out, looking at him again to see if he was being serious._

_“I mean, we’ve already seen each other naked. We’ve already gone through it,” Zayn pointed out._ _Was he proposing what she think he was proposing?_

_“Zayn…” Alyssa said quietly._

_“I mean, if you don’t want to that’s cool,” he told her._

_“Do you want to?” She countered._

_“Why would I bring it up if I didn’t want to?” He asked, looking at her oddly._

_“Right,” she said, nodding her head._

_“Alyssa, you’re my best friend. I just figured… I don’t know… that we could maybe… I don’t know. I mean, we’re not seeing anyone…” Zayn began explaining awkwardly._

_Alyssa’s hopes were flying high. Was he asking for them to start something with each other? Could he honestly like her back the way she liked him?_

_“I mean, we could be friends with benefits, right?” He asked, bursting her bubble immediately._

_“Friends? With benefits?” She choked out. It wasn’t what she wanted to hear. No, most definitely not._

_“Alyssa?” Zayn asked, looking over at her._

_“Oh. Uh. Yeah,” she said awkwardly._

_“Yeah?” He asked._

_“Sure,” she said, not quite realizing what she was getting into._

_“Really?” He asked hopefully._

_“Yeah,” she said without really giving it a thought._

_He smiled at her and leaned over to kiss her. Zayn was kissing her and all sense went out the window. She didn’t care anymore. Zayn was kissing her and all was right with the world._

 

__

It felt good to have Zayn’s lips on hers again. She missed it more than she cared to admit. No matter how many times she told herself that she needed to stop kissing and sleeping with him, she always seemed to blur the line somewhere. And now with the alcohol coursing through their veins and Zayn’s body hovering slightly above her, she was right back in the eye of the storm.

His grip loosened on her wrists as his body sunk against hers on the couch. He still held her hands up above her head, but with less force, and for some reason she loved it. It added to the forbidden feeling of his kisses. Her libido was battling her brain when it came to Zayn. But, in the end, her libido always won by a land slide.

Zayn’s free hand roamed up and down the side of her body, quietly slipping up inside of her shirt. They were both breathing heavily and kissing one another as if their lives depended on it. As if their next breath would be their last. She wanted him. She wanted him so badly. It had been a few months since she banned sex from their relationship and she hadn’t had any since.

“Zayn…” Alyssa whispered through their kisses.

“Yeah,” he said, pulling up to look at her as his chest heaved with deep breaths.

“Just this one time,” she told him, and he seemed to know exactly what she meant.

He leaned in again, kissing her lips before he pulled himself off the couch, helping her up in the process. His hands slid gently up her jawline, cradling her face in his hands before kissing her again. Zayn was such a good kisser. She could have stood there all night kissing him. But there were other things on their minds in the moment. There were things they’d been depriving themselves from that finally had the green light to go.

Alyssa was so wrapped up in him – in his lips, in his kisses, in his touches, in his scent – that she didn’t even realize he was walking her toward her bedroom until her back was pressed up against the hallway wall. She moaned against his mouth when she felt his hands slide up her shirt again.

“I’ve missed you,” Zayn breathed against her lips.

“Ditto,” she sighed as she felt his soft stubble trail down the line of her neck.

Alyssa pushed him backward a bit to encourage him to keep them moving. He tugged her with him and guided them into her dark bedroom with ease. The backs of her legs found the mattress and caused her to topple against it, breaking her out of Zayn’s arms, although she still felt his presence standing above her.

“Scoot up,” Zayn whispered and Alyssa immediately obliged, scooting up the mattress, fumbling around to find the bedside lamp.

When she clicked it on, her eyes laid on an already half-naked Zayn, still standing at the end of her bed in only his black boxer briefs. He was absolutely beautiful with his dark tattoos speckling across his chest and down his arm. He was tall and lean and muscular in all the right areas. He was truly amazing.

“Give me time to catch up,” Alyssa said, sending him a devious smirk as she quickly threw off her top.

As she pushed down her jeans, Zayn reached up to help tug them off with a pleased smile on his face. His eyes were bloodshot, either from crying or the alcohol, and it only made Alyssa want to make him feel better. And right then, the only way to help, that she could think of, was to love him.

She got up on her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him hard on the mouth. His arms wrapped around her bare back, holding her tightly, kissing her just as hard.

He used the strength of his upper body to lay her down against the mattress, overpowering her in a way she thoroughly enjoyed. His kisses never ceased, their tongues melding together in a sensual rhythm Alyssa never wanted to break. But breathing was necessary, and so was the removing of the rest of their clothing that hindered them from moving any further.

Alyssa’s hands dipped into the back of his boxer briefs, sliding against the smooth skin of his bum. She wanted him naked. She wanted to be naked. She wanted them to be completely skin-on-skin like so many other times before.

“Naked… get naked,” Alyssa said breathlessly against his lips.

Zayn pulled up immediately on his knees and pushed the waistband of his boxer briefs down his hips, letting his hardened cock spring free. Alyssa bit my bottom lip, appreciating that moment very much.

“You get naked, too,” he pointed out, causing her brain to speed back up from _thirsty_ mode.

“Yeah,” she said, immediately unhooking her bra before she leaned down toward her nightstand and retrieved a condom.

“Here,” Alyssa said, tossing it at him as he kicked free of his boxers altogether.

“You’re not going to put it on with your mouth?” He smirked at her, making her hoped to God he was joking.

“I don’t want to know about the kinky shit you and Amber did,” Alyssa quipped in a smartass-y sort of way, regretting it almost immediately when she watched Zayn’s face literally drop from the mentioning of his ex.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, feeling like a jackass.

“No, its okay,” he said, looking utterly deflated.

“Look, tits!” She said, pointing at her chest to cheer him up. He laughed immediately, giving her a look of thanks.

And without another negative, sad thought, Zayn pushed forward on top of her, kissing her again. In that moment, Alyssa was realizing how utterly impossible her _no-sex_ ban would be in the future – or present, because it’s never worked in the past.

When Zayn finally slid in, Alyssa had to bite her lip, hoping the wave of emotion she was feeling wouldn’t bring on tears. He hovered above her for a moment, his breath whirring past her ear. Her heart beat nearly out of her throat waiting for him.

“Zayn, _please_ ,” Alyssa said desperately. And he knew.

He began a slow, delicate rhythm inside of her. She wasn’t sure what Amber did to him during their relationship, but Zayn was now like a completely different lover. He was slow and rhythmic. He knew how deep to go to keep her body writhing. He knew the exact places to kiss on her body to send tingles shooting through her. He _knew_ what he was doing. Did he always know, but never felt the need to work his skills on her? Either way, she was in Heaven.

Reaching her climax with Zayn was few and far between. It only ever really happened because he just hadn’t reached his own before her. But right now, it seemed as if he were making a point to give her one before he finished.

Alyssa’s breathing heightened, and her whole body began to tingle, starting in the middle and working it’s way out. She felt nothing but pleasure as Zayn continued to move inside of her.

“Let it go,” he breathed in her ear before placing a kiss right below it.

Alyssa let out a deep moan as waves of pleasure came crashing over her, her body tensing and writhing below him.

“Oh, god,” she moaned loudly.

Zayn sped up his motions, taking it to another level before he too was tensing above her. With the collapse of his body against hers, Alyssa knew he finished. And they were both completely sated for the first time in a long time.

Alyssa woke up to the bright shining morning, her curtains still pushed open as wide as they would go. Her head had a dull ache pounding through it as she opened her eyes to see Zayn lying naked next to her, not even being bothered to be covered by the blankets. His perfectly tanned ass greeting her. She had her _moon_ to go with the sun. She sat up with a smile, running her fingers through her hair as she heard the faintest of knocking.

She strained her neck and held her breath to listen for another knock, but it never came. She relaxed again, throwing her arms up in the air to stretch her muscles, yawning as she did.

She heard a louder knock and she quickly threw her arms back down, realizing too late that her bedroom door was swinging open.

“Alyssa? Zayn wasn’t in his room. Are you… awake?” Harry asked, his words trailing off as he caught a full glimpse of the scene in front of him.

“Harry!” Alyssa yelled, pulling the blankets up to cover her bare chest that she was certain he’d just seen. 

Harry stood there looking slack-jawed as his eyes fell to his naked brother who was still sleeping in Alyssa’s bed next to her. Disappointment and sadness washed over his features before he looked away.

“Sorry. Uh… sorry,” he stammered and shut the door quickly.

“Harry!” Alyssa yelled, stumbling out of bed, quickly grabbing for her robe that hung off her closet door.

She ran down the stairs of the condo to catch Harry, but he was already gone. He was pulling his car out of the driveway as she opened the front door.

 _Damn it._ Why did it somehow feel like she did something wrong?


	15. The one with the confession…

**Early 2016**

 

Alyssa ran back up to her room to find Zayn still sleeping – oblivious to everything. Oblivious to his younger brother walking in on them _naked_ , which certainly implied exactly what happened between them the previous night. She couldn’t help but feel an intense pressure to go talk to Harry, to maybe explain herself. Even though she knew she didn’t have an excuse for what she did. Harry just told her how proud he was of her for not giving in to Zayn – for not having sex with him, and now look at her. She was pathetic. Truly pathetic.

Alyssa quickly got dressed and did all her hygienic bathroom duties before sneaking out of her own room, leaving Zayn to sleep. She got into her car and drove straight to the Malik/Styles house, hoping like hell that Harry would be there. She felt shame over what he walked in on. Her relapse was just supposed to be a dirty little secret, for no one but her and Zayn to know about. But now there they were.

When Alyssa pulled into the driveway, she immediately saw Harry’s car and breathed a sigh of relief, her anxiety leaving for only a second as she walked down the long path leading to the house. Trisha answered the door with a wide smile on her face.

“Alyssa, what are you doing here?” She asked as she pulled her into a hug.

“Hi. Uh, I need to talk to Harry,” Alyssa told her.

“Oh, yeah? Would you like some breakfast? I could make you two some breakfast,” she offered.

“Oh, no. Thank you, Trisha,” Alyssa said, smiling politely, knowing full well she’d never be able to stomach any food at the moment.

“How is it going between you two?” She asked as the two of them walked through the foyer.

“How is what going?” Alyssa asked, felling confused. Her mind was going a mile a minute.

“Being friends. Harry doesn’t really talk much about things. You know how he is,” Trisha said, giving her a tight-lipped smile. Alyssa didn’t really have time for the chit-chat, but it was Trisha and she wasn’t going to be rude.

“Oh. We’re good. Uh, can I talk to him?” Alyssa asked, pressing forward a few steps ahead of her.

“Oh, yes. Yes, yes. He’s in his room, I believe,” Trisha said with a laugh, pointing toward the staircase.

“Thank you,” Alyssa said, smiling at her before she took the stairs up two-by-two.

Standing outside of Harry’s door, Alyssa took a deep breath before knocking. The anxiety swelled up in her chest, waiting on bated breath for him to answer.

“Come in,” she heard him grumble from the other side of the door. Slowly, she opened it.

“See, this is how it was supposed to happen. You were supposed knock and then wait for a reply before entering,” Alyssa joked, trying to lighten the mood, to no avail. Harry was most definitely not impressed with her joke.

“What are you doing here? Isn’t there _someone else_ you’d rather be with?” Harry asked bitterly.

“Harry… I…” Alyssa stammered, honestly not knowing what to say.

“What are you doing with him? You said—” Harry started.

“I know what I said, Harry,” she snapped, cutting him off. She didn’t know why she was snapping at him, but she figured it was because nobody likes their flaws pointed out and that’s exactly what he was doing to her. Her biggest flaw was bending to Zayn’s will whenever, wherever.

“Then what are you doing!? He has a girlfriend!” Harry practically yelled, standing up from his desk chair to face her eye-to-eye.

“Amber broke up with him,” Alyssa said quietly, her eyes darting away from his.

“So, you decided that _fucking_ him would be the best way for him to get over her?” Harry asked, flailing his arms up dramatically.

“It really is _none_ of your business, Harry!” Alyssa snapped, getting angry with him again because of the pesky way he pointed out her flaws with no-holds-barred honesty.

“You’re right! Whatever. _What-the-fuck-ever_ ,” he growled, but she knew he wasn’t going to drop it.

“Why do you care!?” She yelled back at him.

“You’re so… _God_ … you’re so oblivious, Alyssa!” Harry yelled at her in frustration.

“To _WHAT!?”_ She yelled back.

There was a pause. Harry just stared at her, his eyes on fire, not saying anything. His chest heaved lightly from being so worked up. Alyssa caught the slightest quirk of his head as he looked at her and she wondered what the hell he could be thinking. Was he about to admit fault to this whole god damn fight? Because really, he had no reason to be mad at all.

Catching her completely off guard, with two swift strides, Harry came to stand directly in front of her. She didn’t know what he was going to do, but he was mad and he was all of a sudden in her face. He took a deep breath and for a split second she saw all the anger disappear from his expression.

His lips crashed into hers a moment later, his hands snaking around to grip onto the back of her neck. _Holy shit_. 

 _Harry. Oh, Harry. Her Hazza._  

Her mind wasn’t wrapping around it. All she knew was Harry Styles was kissing her. Her little Hazza was kissing her, deeply and passionately.

“Harry…” She mumbled against his lips as she put her hands firmly on his chest.

He pulled back only enough so their lips weren’t touching any longer. He was breathing heavily with his eyes closed, but he didn’t make a move to step back.

“What… what was that?” Alyssa whispered, pulling her head back enough to see his face.

“Alyssa…” He breathed, his eyes opening to find hers and he still didn’t move away.

“Harry…” She said, looking into his hazy green eyes.

“I’ve loved you since we were kids,” he admitted softly.

“You…” She breathed, but she couldn’t finish the rest of the words to make up a sentence. She couldn’t even finish a thought.

“You’ve been in love with Zayn and I’ve been in love with you,” he elaborated.

“What?” Alyssa said breathlessly. Her brain was failing her. She could barely think while Harry stared at her.

“All this… all this time, Harry?” She asked and he nodded his confirmation.

“But… but you hated me,” she stammered, feeling more than a little confused.

“I’ve never hated you,” he told her.

“But you… you always got me and Zayn in trouble,” she pointed out.

“You did that all on your own, Alyssa,” he said with the ghost of a smile on his lips. 

Alyssa stood there silent, her mind racing. She couldn’t comprehend any of it. None of it made any sense to her.

 

 

 

**_Early 2009_ **

****

_Alyssa could hear Harry singing from the music room and it made her curious. Usually he was never that loud. When she walked over, she realized the door was hung open as he sat at the piano with his back to her. He played and sang his heart out. It took a few moments, but she realized he was singing another love song._

“’ _Don’t let me… Don’t let me… Don’t let me go. ‘Cause I’m tired of feeling alone. Don’t let me… Don’t let me go. ‘Cause I’m tired of sleeping alone’,_ _” Harry sang with sincere emotion in his voice._

_Alyssa’s heart squeezed and sputtered for her friend. The lyrics were of longing and pain… of unrequited love, perhaps. She couldn’t help but get choked up as she listened to him sing._

_When he was done, he sat there for a few moments before spinning around on the piano bench._

_“ALYSSA. God!” He gasped, holding his heart. She startled him completely, which made her smile at him immediately._

_“What?” He asked as he settled a bit from his start._

_“Sing that song for that girl… what’s her name?” Alyssa asked._

_“Who?” Harry asked, looking confused._

_“That girl you like. Alicia,” she said, snapping her fingers in front of her._

_“Oh. Ohh,” he said nodding, and Alyssa noticed a prominent blush rise up his cheeks._

_“Sing that song for her and just see how long it takes her to resist you, Harry Styles,” Alyssa said proudly as she smiled from ear-to-ear._

_“If only it were that easy,” he said, and Alyssa watched as his eyes darted away from hers quickly._

“I was Alicia,” Alyssa gasped, coming to the realization in her mind.

“Alicia?” He asked, looking at her oddly.

“I am,” she said, looking into his confused eyes.

“Alicia, who?” He asked.

“You were fifteen. You told me you wrote a song for the girl you liked… _Alicia_ ,” she reminded him.

“Oh _,_ ” he said as his eyes went wide for a split second.

“I’m Alicia,” she said again, and he nodded.

“Harry…” She sighed. Harry took a step back, looking embarrassed.

“ _Jesus_ … I just… I don’t even know what to say – what to think…” She said, pressing the palm of her hand against her forehead as she began to pace shallowly across his floor.

“I’m still just me, Alyssa,” Harry reminded her.

“I know. _Jesus._ I know,” she said, feeling as if the temperature in the room had just skyrocketed.

“Then why are you freaking out?” He asked.

“I’m not. I’m not freaking out… I’m just… processing it,” she told him.

“Can you not even fathom it?” He asked.

“Fathom what?” She asked, stopping in her tracks to finally look him in the eye.

“Fathom the fact that I just kissed you – that I love you?” He asked.

“ _Jesus_ , Harry. _Jesus_ ,” Alyssa huffed as she began to pace again.

She heard Harry noticeably sigh and it pulled her out of her head. When she looked up at him all she saw was sadness. Her heart tugged and pulled for him.

“Harry,” she sighed, watching as his green eyes looked up at her. He looked so sad.

“Please, don’t look at me like that,” she told him. His face dropped even further and she realized he thought she was rejecting him flat out.

“No! No, no, no. Not like that, like _that_. Don’t look at me with those sad, heartbroken eyes,” she told him. He didn’t say anything in response. He just kept looking at her the same way and it broke a little piece of her heart.

“Just, Harry. This is hard, you know. This is hard—” Alyssa started.

“It’s hard because you can’t see yourself with anyone but Zayn,” he stated plainly.

“No. I didn’t say that. _Harry_ ,” she said, trying her best to come up with the right words to say.

“But you love him?” He asked.

“Harry, I am not talking about Zayn right now. I’m not even thinking about Zayn right now. Please stop bringing Zayn into this,” she snapped at him and he hung his head.

“Harry, please,” she said, stepping closer to him.

“Alyssa, I’m sorry. I just kind of snapped this morning. I mean, seeing you with him. I just… I don’t want you to get hurt. And Zayn _always_ hurts you,” Harry explained.

“After this long there’s really no one to blame but myself, Harry,” she told him honestly.

“Then why do you keep going back? Why do you do it to yourself?” He asked.

“I don’t know,” she said quietly, hanging her head shamefully.

“You deserve someone better. You deserve someone who will treat you the way you are supposed to be treated. You deserve someone who’s going to give a shit about you once morning comes,” Harry told her honestly.

“Harry,” she breathed as tears burned in the back of her eyes.

“Alyssa, I’m not saying that person has to be me. But _Jesus_ , choose someone who makes you happy! Choose someone who makes you feel wanted and needed and loved! Choose someone who fucking cares!” Harry said with so much passion and conviction in his words that it made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end.

“I care, Alyssa,” he said, his words almost breathless.

Those three words extinguished all the air from her lungs. Harry cared. He always did. Alyssa found herself stepping toward him, and she saw the surprise in his eyes when she did. She looked into his eyes and her heart just sang his name.

“Harry…” She said again as she took one last step into his arms.

“Alyssa…” He said lowly.

Her heartbeat demanded to be felt in every part of her being. It was a monumental moment. She had so many feelings rushing through her at one time that she thought she might faint. But somewhere in the back of her head, she knew Harry would be there to catch her.

“Harry…” She said again.

“Yeah?” He whispered.

“Kiss me again,” she told him.

Alyssa watched what her words did to him. A wide smile took over his entire face. And for a split second she got to see all the sadness and heartbreak wash right off of his expression. She made him happy. He loved her, and she made his pain go away. And isn’t that what humans as a species want in the end? They want to be loved. They want to make others happy. They want to take the pain away. Alyssa knew, as all of those sad emotions disintegrated off his face, that she too was happy.

Harry leaned in, kissing her lips again, lighter than before, but still just as good. And as she kissed him back, the kiss deepened to the point where tongues were involved, and she was okay with that. She was kissing Harry Styles like a woman kisses a man, and she was happy.


	16. The one with the beginning and the end...

**Early 2016**

In the nearly ten years she’d known Harry Styles, he went from a pesky little twelve-year-old boy, to this amazing man at twenty-two. He was beautiful inside and out – and looking at him as a whole it was almost insane not to be attracted to a person like him. He oozed confidence in everything he did – but he was never afraid to show his insecure side. He was extraordinarily talented – impressing everyone with his musical abilities. He was successful and smart and really an amazing catch – any girl would be lucky to have him. And he wanted her.

And in a moment of pure unadulterated passion, he was everything she wanted too.

His body was suspended above hers, pressing against her lower half, and his kisses were heated and arousing and just so, so good. Alyssa didn’t want to stop kissing him. She didn’t want him to stop kissing her. And she didn’t quite know what that meant, but she was sure it was going to be complicated.

“Oh my god, Alyssa,” Harry groaned against her mouth before tugging at her bottom lip with his teeth.

A moment later his kisses trailed down her jawline and then down her neck. Her head was spinning. What did it all mean? Did the fact that she felt so comfortable in Harry’s arms mean she wanted to date him? Would they be as compatible as lovers as they were as friends? Would it all blow up in her face in the end? And how in the hell was Harry still single if he could kiss like that and make her feel like this?

“How come you never date?” Alyssa blurted out as Harry’s lips blazed a trail across her collarbone.

“What?” He asked, pulling up immediately to look her in the eyes.

“How come you don’t date? Like, look at you… and just… like, look what you’re doing to me?” She stammered, feeling her cheeks heat up the second the words came out of her mouth.

“What am I doing to you?” He smirked immediately, his eyebrow cocking in question.

“Shut up… just, how come you don’t have a girlfriend?” She asked again, shoving playfully at his shoulder.

“I don’t know,” he said, shrugging his shoulders as he sat back on his shins.

“I mean, like, you used to date Samantha…” Alyssa continued.

“Yeah,” he agreed.

“But she’s like the only girl I’ve ever seen you with, and I mean, I don’t know… like, it was weird…” She stammered, feeling like she was really leading the conversation down a slippery slope.

“Weird?” Harry chuckled, giving her an odd look.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry. Don’t take that the wrong way. It just… I don’t know. I just never felt like either of you were that… uh, compatible with one another. Fuck, I don’t know. I’m sorry,” she said, bringing her hands up to cover her face out of sheer embarrassment.

“I was younger… and she was older. I mean, win-win, I guess,” Harry laughed awkwardly.

“So, you dated her cause she was older?” Alyssa asked, quirking her eyebrow.

“I dated her because I was eighteen years old and never dated. I met Sam and we got on right away, and I thought ‘sure, why not?’” Harry explained.

“’Sure, why not?’” Alyssa repeated.

“Yeah. It’s what dreams are made of, isn’t it?” Harry said flippantly through a chuckle.

“Oh, definitely,” she said sarcastically.

“This is really what dreams are made of,” Harry said, leaning down to kiss her lips.

Alyssa wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him down on top of her again, kissing him back with everything she had. But it was short-lived once they heard the knock on his bedroom door.

“Shit,” Harry said, pulling up to look toward the door.

“Harry?” They heard Trisha from the other side of it.

“Jesus!” Alyssa said in a hushed whisper as she pushed Harry off of her.

She scrambled into a seated position and watched as Harry noticeably adjusted himself in his tight jeans.

“Yeah,” he called out to his step-mom as he took a seat at his desk chair.

Seconds later his door was opened and Trisha was standing there in front of them, and Alyssa’s heart was nearly beating out of her chest.

“Your dad’s on the phone for you, sweetheart. He said he called your cell but you didn’t answer,” Trisha said, walking toward Harry to hand him the house phone.

Harry took the phone quickly and Trisha turned to leave the room, but not before she smiled and waved at Alyssa. She did her best not to look guilty as she returned the gesture. She was certain if Trisha knew what she and Harry were just doing, that smile would be wiped clean off her face.

Trisha left the room without another word. Alyssa didn’t even pay attention to the conversation Harry was having with his dad because she was too worried about whether or not Trisha could sense the pheromones and sexual tension reverberating off of Harry’s bedroom walls.

“Uh, I have to go meet my dad at the studio,” Harry told her with a sigh.

“Oh. Okay,” Alyssa said quietly.

“They just need to me to do some finalizations with the album,” he went on to explain.

“Alright,” Alyssa nodded.

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking more than a little disappointed.

“No, it’s okay. I should probably get home anyway,” she said, standing up from his bed.

“We can… um, pick up where we left off later,” Harry said, giving her a bashful smile.

“Or whatever. Yeah…” She smiled back at him with a casual shrug of her shoulders.

Harry walked Alyssa out to her car and stole a quick kiss before she drove off. She was headed back home to a house she shared with his older brother – the man she just had sex with the night before. _Christ._ Could her life get any more dramatic? All she knew was Zayn needed to be kept in the dark about what happened with her and Harry. Because if Zayn found out, Alyssa was certain there would be an explosion of epic proportion.

“Where have you been?” Zayn asked as Alyssa walked in the door. He was only wearing pajama pants and his glasses, making her think he hadn’t been awake for very long.

“Uh, I had things to do,” she told him, avoiding his gaze.

“You could have woken me up,” he said, sliding his glasses further up his nose with his finger.

“Welcome to my world,” Alyssa mumbled as she slipped off her shoes.

“What?” Zayn asked.

“I said ‘welcome to my world’, Zayn? Do you even know how many times I’ve woken up with you gone?” Alyssa asked, finally turning to look at him. He stood there staring at her blankly, almost like he didn’t know what she was talking about.

“Last night was… it was a one-time thing, Zayn. We’re done with that portion of our friendship,” Alyssa told him firmly, feeling annoyed in his presence already.

“But, Alyssa…” Zayn said quietly.

“No, Zayn. I told you. I said it last night, okay. _Just this once_. I-I can’t anymore, okay? I just can’t,” she told him, internally freaking out a little.

She hadn’t realized how stressed she’d become at the thought of Zayn finding out about what she just did with Harry. It would be easy for all of them if there were no blurred lines between them anymore.

“But, what if…” He started, his gaze falling to the floor.

“I’m serious, Zayn. I’m dead serious right now. We cannot be friends if we’re constantly screwing each other. I don’t want to be friends if that’s all we are,” she told him firmly.

“That’s not all we are, Alyssa. We can have it all,” he said cryptically.

She felt like she was in a god damn alternate universe. Did he really just say that to her? She couldn’t even help the laugh that slipped out. 

“You’re joking, right? You’re joking with me right now,” she said, feeling her whole body start to tingle with anger.

She was about to punch him so hard – _so fucking hard_. Because if he was seriously about to tell her he wanted more from her, right after Harry just told her the same god damn thing, she was going to lose it. It had to be a sick joke. 

“Alyssa…” Zayn sighed, his eyebrows furrowing as he looked at her.

“Right,” she said, witnessing the pity in his eyes.

He didn’t love her any more than she loved her grandparents. He was loyal, he was a friend, but he wasn’t ‘in love’ with her. He never would be.

“Lyss…” He sighed again.

“I’m done, Zayn. Really. Just done,” she told him as she turned to head to her room.

“But Alyssa, you’re my best friend,” Zayn protested.

“Then be that for me too. Please start acting like my best friend again,” she told him and continued to her bedroom.

 

 

**_Summer 2010_ **

****

_Alyssa didn’t ring the doorbell to the Malik/Styles house. She couldn’t. She didn’t want anyone but Zayn to see her like this. She needed her best friend more than anything at the moment. She needed to cry on his shoulder and for him to tell her everything was going to be okay – even though she knew it wouldn’t be._

_She went straight up to his room, barely knocking before she pushed his door open. She was greeted with Zayn gyrating on top of his girlfriend Kylie. Thank the Lord they were still wearing clothes._

_“Zayn…” Alyssa gasped through her tears._

_“JESUS! Alyssa!” Zayn said, jumping off of Kylie quickly._

_“Zayn… I-I need to talk to you,” Alyssa whimpered._

_“Uh, can it wait?” Zayn asked, running his hands through his hair as Kylie sat up in his bed looking mortified._

_“No…” Alyssa choked out as she began to sob._

_“Lyss,” Zayn gasped, getting out of bed when he realized she was crying. He immediately wrapped his arms around her, comforting her in an instant._

_“What happened?” Zayn whispered in her ear._

_“I-I just… I need to talk to you,” Alyssa cried._ _Zayn pulled back from her arms to look over at Kylie._

_“I’m sorry. I need to…” He told her._

_“Yeah, yeah. Sure. Whatever. Call me later, Zayn,” Kylie grumbled as she scrambled out of his bed. Alyssa could hear the jealousy in her voice. He was choosing his best friend over his girlfriend for once and Alyssa could tell Kylie hated it, but she didn’t care. She didn’t care about her._

_Kylie quickly kissed Zayn on the cheek before she left his room._

_“Lyss, come here,” he said, guiding her to sit down on his bed, his arm still around her._

_“What happened?” He asked, concern heavy in his voice._

_“They... they—God,” Alyssa cried harder._

_“Shhh… calm down, Lyssy,” he said, holding her tightly against him as he cooed in her ear. She was so distraught that she didn’t even care that he just called her ‘Lyssy’. She needed Zayn more than anything right then. He was what kept her from losing her mind on a day-to-day basis. He was her constant. He was her best friend._

_“They’re getting… they’re getting a divorce,” Alyssa cried._

_“What? Who? Your parents?” Zayn gasped._

_“Yes.” She nodded as a painful sob escaped her throat._

_“Oh my god,” he gasped, squeezing her tighter in his arms._

_When Alyssa finally calmed down, she went on to tell him they sat her down to tell her their decision to separate. And it was a long time coming and they only held off because they didn’t want to ruin her last summer of adolescence before her senior year of high school. But things got bad enough where they knew it was time for her father to move out. And he would be just as soon as they explained it to her little brother – who wasn’t going to take it any better than she did. Micah worshipped their father – wanted to be just like him, as any eight-year-old would. And now their father would be moving out and it scared the hell out of Alyssa._

_Zayn held her in his arms for the rest of the evening and she fell asleep with him in his bed._ _Alyssa knew after that night_ _Zayn Malik was and always would be her best friend. He was the only person she trusted her life, her secrets, and her heart with._

 

 

“Why do you have to walk away from me when we’re in the middle of a conversation?” Zayn asked, startling Alyssa as he appeared in her bedroom doorway.

“ _Jesus Christ!_ Learn to knock!” Alyssa snapped, holding her hand over her wildly beating heart.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, leaning against the door frame. She scoffed in response and went back to scrolling through the Facebook app on her phone.

“I don’t know why it has to be all or nothing with you,” Zayn went on to say.

“Really, Zayn?” Alyssa asked, looking up at him with a glare in her eyes.

“Yeah,” he scoffed, pulling his arms up to cross them over his chest.

“Because I fucking deserve it. Don’t I deserve to be wanted and loved? Don’t I deserve to have someone who _only_ wants me? Don’t I _deserve_ it?” Alyssa explained as the anger and frustration welled up inside of her, making her emotional.

“Yes,” he said quietly, hanging his head.

“Then please, _God_. Just please stop, Zayn. Just please stop toying with me. Please stop messing with my head,” she pleaded as her tears welled in the back of her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Zayn said, looking back up at her with a pained expression.

“I want to be able to find someone, Zayn. I want to be able to stop looking at you and seeing a future, when I know there never will be one – not for us. I want to be able to move on,” she told him and he nodded in agreeance.

“Please understand,” she whispered. She was exhausted from having this conversation over and over. _Depleted, empty, worn_.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“I love you, Zayn. But I just want to be friends,” she told him finally and he nodded again.

“Okay,” he said finally.

The two of them stared into each other’s eyes for a few moments, before his gaze fell to the floor and he silently slunk out of the room. Alyssa inhaled a ragged breath before letting it out hard as she wiped at her eyes. _In with the good, out with the bad_.

She quickly closed the Facebook app and opened her text messages. She deserved to be happy.

**_Alyssa:_ ** _I want to see you tonight._

Seconds later her phone buzzed with a text. _Harry. Her Hazza_.

_**Harry:** I want to see you too. When?_

**_Alyssa:_ ** _I don’t care. I just want to see you._

**_Harry:_ ** _Come by around ten? Come up to my room._

_**Alyssa:** I’ll be there._


	17. The one with the heavy petting...

**Early 2016**

The Malik/Styles house was mostly dark when Alyssa snuck in the front door and slipped her shoes off, being sure to take them with her up to Harry’s room. She was being as quiet as possible to go undetected by the others in the house as she tip-toed up the stairs. She could hear Trisha and Des talking to one another from the living room and Waliyha talking on her phone in her bedroom. All was well.

As she reached Harry’s door, she noticed it was cracked open, like it was opened just for her. And it probably was. It excited her to be sneaking in the house to see him. It excited her because she was no longer weighed down by Zayn. He now knew where she stood and from the sounds of it, he was going to respect her wishes. 

Alyssa knocked softly before she pushed open the door. Harry was sitting with his back to her at his desk with his laptop open. He didn’t hear her knock over the music he was playing and it made her smile. She was being pretty damn stealthy. She quietly shut the door and set her shoes down on his floor without him knowing.

“Harry,” Alyssa whispered as she tip-toed over to him. He swung around in his chair, wide-eyed and startled and Alyssa couldn’t help but laugh.

“Holy shit,” he said with a laugh.

“Sorry,” she said with a smile.

“If you were a murderer, I’d literally be dead right now,” Harry laughed as he stood up from the chair.

“You’re lucky I’m not,” she quipped.

“Yeah. For sure,” Harry said, his smile fading as he looked at her.

The two of them stared at each other for a few moments. It felt weird – awkward even. But Alyssa didn’t want it to be. She figured it was only weird because she still hadn’t really wrapped her brain around Harry being in love with her. It still baffled her. 

“Hi,” he said quietly, letting his smile come back, wider than before.

“Hi,” she cooed, smiling back as she stepped toward him.

Neither of them were quite sure on what to do next. Do they hug? Do they kiss? Do they… uh… high five?

“I’m glad you came over,” he told her.

“I am too,” she said blushing, suddenly feeling like a girl with a crush. Butterflies were assaulting not just her stomach, but every inch of her body.

Harry moved closer yet to her, placing his hands gently on her waist. Her breathing hitch and in that moment she wanted nothing more than to have his lips on hers. 

How did that happen so fast? Just that morning she only thought of Harry as Zayn’s little brother, her friend. Now… now she couldn’t get the idea of him kissing her, of him touching her out of her head. She wanted Harry’s hands to make her feel something – she wanted to feel the love radiating off of them.

Alyssa’s breathing hitched as Harry’s face moved closer to hers. A small smirk danced across his lips before they met hers. It was perfect, it really was. And she wanted him. She wanted him more than she ever did before.

She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck as she stood on tip-toes trying to taste him, trying to show him she wanted it as much as he did. His lips and tongue explored hers in a rhythm that felt so right. She could feel his fingertips gripping anxiously onto the skin at her hips, trying to pull her closer yet to him. 

Alyssa walked him backwards toward the bed and they dropped down on it. His eyes were wide, swirling with lust and wonder – staring straight into hers. Green versus blue.

Alyssa’s lips came down, finding his again as she sat astride his lap, but with one swift motion of his upper body, he laid her down on her back – him on top of her. His eyes looked down into hers, searching. His long silver necklace with a tiny silver paper airplane charm fell out of the top of his v-neck and dangled against her chest.

“You’re so beautiful, Alyssa,” Harry breathed as he watched her.

Alyssa was never really good at taking a compliment, so she tried to avoid it as she lightly grabbed onto his necklace, coaxing his lips back to her own.

He let his body relax into hers as they lay together and kissed for what felt like hours. She could feel his arousal against her thigh and it only made what they were doing more exciting. Harry’s hand moved slowly up the front of her shirt, tickling the flesh of her stomach – causing the muscles to tense and then relax. It was sweet torment.

“Harry. _Oh, god_ ,” Alyssa moaned as his lips attached to her neck and his hand moved further up her shirt, caressing the skin right below her breasts.

“Please, touch me,” she whispered.

Harry pulled up to look her in the eyes – always searching for something in them.

“I want to,” he whispered.

“Then touch me,” she told him, looking up into his beautiful green eyes.

“I-I just… I don’t want it to lead to _something_ … I don’t want to do that so soon, you know. I mean, I _want_ it to lead to that – I am a guy, but I want to take things slow, you know. I like this. I like that we can kiss without it getting too… _involved_ ,” Harry explained to her.

“I completely agree,” she told him, letting her lips turn up into a smile. He was so refreshing.

“Good,” he said, leaning down to kiss her lips, only to pull up again a second later.

“I just… I really like you, Alyssa. I always have. And… I don’t know. I want it to mean something special to you too,” he explained.

“This is special,” she told him honestly. He nodded, but she could tell he wasn’t satisfied with her answer.

“Harry, I like you. I do. I may not be feeling the same type of feelings you are – I mean, you’ve spent years developing those feelings. I just… I want you to know that I like you. But this… _us_ – is something that is really new for me, so I don’t want you to get discouraged if I’m not always in the same mindset at you,” Alyssa explained to him.

“I understand,” he said, nodding his head.

They looked into each other’s eyes for a few moments. And Alyssa tried to work up the nerve to ask him a very personal question that she’d been dying to know for quite a while.

“I have a question,” she said hesitantly.

“What’s that?” He asked.

“Are you… are you a virgin?” She asked curiously, but suddenly wondered if she was stepping over a line or something by asking him.

But seriously, they were there and his hard-on was pressed against her leg and he was making it clear that sex wasn’t in the cards for them tonight. Could she really be blamed for wondering if it was because he was saving himself or something? But then it brought her back to when he was dating Samantha.

 

 

  
 

**_Summer 2012_ **

_“What are you two up to?” Doniya asked Alyssa and Zayn as they sat outside Harry’s bedroom door giggling like little kids._

_“Harry’s got Samantha in there and we can hear moaning and he’s got like music playing,” Zayn said, stifling a laugh._

_“What?” Doniya asked as her eyes went wide._

_“Yeah, seriously,” Zayn laughed as Doniya put her ear up to the door._

_“Oh my god,” she mouthed._

_They were all incredibly too old to be spying on their little brother who had a girl in his room. They we were all in their late teens/early twenties and Harry was eighteen – he could do what he wanted. But Harry made it clear in the past that he wouldn’t have sex with a girl unless he was truly in love with her._

_“Maybe he’s just getting a really good hand job…” Alyssa said quietly after they heard Harry moan._

_Seconds later they heard Samantha moan and all three of them giggled quietly._

_“Or blow job,” Alyssa offered with a bounce of her eyebrows._

_“No. Dude is getting laid,” Zayn said finally._

_“Do you think he’s losing his virginity?” Alyssa asked curiously._

_“If he is, that’s pretty awesome,” Zayn whispered, giving them the thumbs up._

_“And we’re sitting here perving on him,” Doniya laughed, shaking her head._

_“We should leave them alone,” Alyssa said finally, suddenly feeling bad that they were being so intrusive._

_“We should,” Doniya agreed._

_“You guys are no fucking fun,” Zayn said as Doniya and Alyssa walked away._

_“Pervert!” Alyssa called after Zayn before he reluctantly followed her and his big sister away from Harry’s door._

 

 

 

Harry smirked as an embarrassed laugh fell from his lips. Alyssa watched a blush creep up his face as his eyes met hers again.

“No,” he said finally, with a sly smile.

“Oh. Okay,” she said, feeling a huge blush creep up her cheeks.

“With Samantha?” She asked reluctantly.

“Yeah.” He nodded as his face fell back to his usual seriousness. She could only nod. It made sense.

“I don’t know. It was just… I don’t know,” Harry said, shaking his head.

“You don’t have to justify yourself to me, Harry. This… this is…” Alyssa started.

“And you with Zayn?” Harry asked, catching her off guard.

“Yeah,” she croaked out, feeling her throat go dry immediately. He looked a bit uncomfortable, but Alyssa knew it was because he didn’t like her and Zayn’s relationship.

“Anyone else?” He asked. Alyssa kind of froze. Their conversation was getting serious.

“Uh…” She stammered.

“You don’t have to tell me,” he said, realizing how intimate it was.

“No, whatever. Uh, just a guy named Miles that I dated briefly,” she told him.

“Miles. I remember him. Zayn told me about him,” Harry said, shaking his head, looking a little angry. Miles was certainly an asshole and a mistake.

“Yeah. It’s whatever though,” Alyssa said, shrugging it off, feeling incredibly uncomfortable all of a sudden.

Harry looked into her eyes again, just staring – hovering over her. 

“I’m glad we’re here right now,” Harry said finally.

“With that being said… I was kind of really enjoying where this was going. You really are a good kisser, Harry,” Alyssa said, feeling relieved to be able to change the subject. A wide smile ambushed his face before he came back down kissing her hard on the lips.

_And they were back_.

Harry’s hands were more willing to give her what she wanted. He pushed up her shirt, revealing her yellow lace bra. The look in his eyes when he saw her chest was one full of excitement and wonder and Alyssa was sure he was living out a fantasy he had about her multiple times. It made her smile. 

“Take it off,” Alyssa coaxed. His eyes met hers momentarily, before he gripped the hem of the shirt and pulled it over her head.

He drank her in, scouring every inch of her bare flesh with his eyes before his mouth came down and kissed the tops of her breasts that peaked out above her bra. Her fingers laced up into his curly hair as his mouth worked over her. 

Alyssa felt Harry’s hand come up and grip gently onto her right breast as his mouth worked up the side of her neck. _Yes. Oh, yes_. She opened her legs wider to accommodate his body, resting her feet against his calves. Moments later she felt him grind up against her and her head fell back as she let out a deep moan. She tried to be as quiet as she could so they weren’t heard by anyone in house, because she knew how awful that would be.

Harry’s fingers got a little more daring and pulled down the front of her bra to pull out her breasts, taking the time to savor each one of them with his eyes. He was precious – seriously killing her with his impeccable admiration, like she was the first girl he’d ever seen half-naked.

Alyssa’s fingers slid up his back, gathering the fabric of his shirt with them, pulling it over his head. His necklaces tapped against her chin from the motion before it fell against her chest once again when his mouth was reunited with hers.

With Harry, Alyssa just wanted to forget that she was a twenty-two year old experienced woman. She wanted to regress back to being a girl, on the cusp of all things sexual. She wanted to pretend things weren’t incredibly complicated with her and his brother. She wanted to pretend it was just her and Harry. And that he was the first person to touch her. That it was just _them_. That’s how he made her feel and she loved it. She loved every second of it. She loved that he already put it out in the open that he wasn’t looking for sex so soon. He just wanted to explore her. He just wanted to be with her, in the moment. All the pressure that came along with sex just dissolved from her body and she was able to just be with Harry.

Harry left his boxer briefs on and didn’t make a move to take off her panties, not wanting things to accidentally get too serious. Dry humping and heavy petting was enough for the two of them that night. Harry’s relentless rhythm against her was enough to get her to the brink.

“Oh, God, Harry. Oh. _God_ ,” she moaned lowly as her body began to tingle and her toes began to curl in. Pleasure engulfed her as her body shook with sparse tremors. Harry watch on, looking satisfied that he was capable of making her come without seriously trying.

“Did you just…” Harry whispered as he stilled his movement.

“Uh-huh,” she breathed as she nodded, trying to catch her breath.

A shy smile turned up his lips and he buried his face in the nape of her neck, abandoning his movements all together. As her heavy breathing subsided, Alyssa closed her eyes and tried to bask in the wonderfulness of the moment. It felt great to be in Harry’s arms, in his bed.

“Do you want to sleep here… with me?” Harry asked quietly.

“Uh…” Alyssa stammered, her eyes shooting open, remembering about the last time she slept in his bed.

“You don’t have to,” he said, sounding disappointed.

“I just… what if Trisha walks in, in the morning again?” She asked.

“Uh, um… well, we can say you and Zayn got into another fight,” Harry said, quirking an eyebrow at her.

“I guess that would work,” Alyssa said. It was definitely plausible. It’s happened before.

“What do you mean ‘I guess’? It’s like the norm with you two,” Harry said and Alyssa shuffled awkwardly underneath him.

“Sorry,” Harry said, realizing that talking about Zayn was making her uncomfortable.

“We actually did get into a fight,” she admitted quietly.

“Oh,” Harry said, sitting up. Alyssa sat up too, pulling Harry’s blankets up over her bare chest.

“He wondered why I ditched him this morning. And I pretty much told him ‘never again’… that we wouldn’t be doing _that_ with each other ever again. And that I deserve to be happy,” she explained. Harry tried to hide his smile, but she saw it.

“You _do_ deserve to be happy,” he told her.

“Yeah,” she said, averting her gaze from him.

“What did Zayn say?” Harry asked curiously.

“He agreed,” she told him.

“He did?” Harry asked, sounding shocked.

“Yeah.” She nodded.

“So he’s going to leave you alone?” Harry asked.

“Well, he’s my best friend. We’re still going to be friends, Harry. But the sex is over,” she assured him. Harry looked relieved – so incredibly relieved. And his smile showed it.

“Let’s just… let’s just go to bed,” Alyssa said, bending over the side of the bed to retrieved Harry’s t-shirt, sliding it over her head and down her body.

“Okay,” Harry said, crawling up to settle next to her in the bed.

Once the lights were out and they were settled, Harry wrapped his arms around her and pulled her body into his. He was the big spoon and she was his little spoon.


	18. The one with the irritable morning...

**Early 2016**

****

When Alyssa woke up the next morning, she was still in Harry’s arms. After so many disappointing mornings waking up alone after a night with Zayn, it was comforting waking up next to the guy she fell asleep with.

She gently turned in his arms, waking him in the process because of her movements.

“Hi,” he croaked.

“Hi,” she said, smiling at him. 

His eyes stared into hers and he looks happy, really truly happy to have her there with him. Alyssa leaned in and kissed his lips softly before pulling back to look into his eyes again. 

“I’m glad you stayed the night,” Harry said, smiling widely.

“Me too,” she told him honestly.

“What do you have planned today?” He asked.

“Uh, I should probably get home. I’ve been procrastinating on my laundry, and the piles just keep getting worse and worse,” she told him with a sigh. He snickered to himself, scrubbing his knuckles into his eyes, trying to wipe the sleep away.

“What are you doing today?” She asked curiously.

“Probably studio stuff,” he said with a shrug.

“Didn’t you finish your album?” She asked, quirking an eyebrow at him.

“I mean, yes and no,” he said, looking over at her.

“What does that mean?” She questioned.

“I have all the songs. I mean, I have like thirty-something songs written. But I have all the songs for the album recorded and pretty much mastered. Now we have to finish the aesthetics and stuff. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain,” he said, letting out a sigh.

“Sounds complicated,” Alyssa chuckled.

“You have no idea,” Harry laughed.

“So you’ll be in the studio?” She questioned, looking over at him with a smile.

“I’ll be in the studio,” he said, smiling back at her. 

“When are you not in the studio?” Alyssa chuckled. His dad paid good money for him to finally record an album, of course he wouldn’t waste the opportunity.

“When I’m with you,” he said sweetly. 

Alyssa stared at him for a few moments relishing in the comforting way he made her feel. He caught her off guard with his sweet words and made her stomach turn – in a good way. She kissed him again, thanking him without words, before sitting up in his bed. Harry sat up too, running his fingers through his tousled hair.

“I really should go,” she told him as she lifted the blankets off of her.

“I wish you didn’t have to,” Harry said, placing his hand on her bare thigh.

“I know, but we both have things to do,” she told him. He nodded weakly.

“But we can see each other again, really soon,” she offered, smiling hopefully at him and he noticeably perked up with her words.

“Uh, now I just have to figure out how I’m going to sneak out of here,” she told him as she gathered up her clothing.

“You don’t have to sneak out of here. We’re friends,” Harry told her.

“I know. But I think we should keep our sleepovers a secret until we can figure out a way to let Zayn know about us without having him blow a gasket,” she told him. Harry agreed with a nod.

Alyssa quickly pulled Harry’s t-shirt over her head as she began re-dressing into her own clothes.

“Now that’s a sight I wouldn’t mind getting used to,” Harry said, admiring her bare chest.

“Perv,” Alyssa snickered, smirking at him as she replace her bra on her body.

“What?” He said, smiling suggestively at her.

Alyssa finished getting dressed and Harry put on some shorts and the t-shirt she just took off.

“Mmm. It smells like you,” he said, smiling at her and she smirked at him.

“C’mere. I wanna kiss you before you disappear,” he said, pulling her to him.

“I’m not disappearing. I’ll just be at home. You know where to find me,” she reminded him with a smile.

“Mm-hmm,” he hummed as he lowered his lips down to hers. 

They kissed for a bit and his hands groped her skin happily. He made her entire body tingle with his touch. 

“I’ll see you soon,” she told him.

“Promise?” He smiled at her.

“Definitely,” she confirmed and stood up on her tip-toes to kiss his lips again. 

The two of them made their way toward his bedroom door and he opened it. Safaa could be heard immediately, talking in the kitchen with her parents.

“I’ll head down to the kitchen and distract them while you sneak out the front door,” Harry offered.

“Sounds good,” Alyssa smirked.

“I’ll call you later,” he said, wrapping his arms around her.

“Okay,” she said, kissing him one last time before he was out the door. 

Alyssa made her way down the stairs once Harry made it to the kitchen.

“Good morning, family,” she heard Harry say cheerfully.

“Good morning, sweetie,” Trisha greeted him.

“Why do you sound so… chipper?” Waliyha asked.

“Is it a crime to be happy in this house?” Harry asked with a playful scoff.

“You’re just usually a little grumpy in the morning,” Safaa pointed out and Alyssa couldn’t help but smile to herself.

“He woke up on the right side of the bed this morning apparently,” Des quipped.

“That I did,” Harry quipped and Alyssa couldn’t help but smile to herself as she stealthily snuck out the front door.

She walked down the street where her car was parked on the adjoining street, conveniently out of view from the Malik/Styles house due to her and Harry’s super-secret late night hook-up. She drove back home with a smile on her face.

When she got in, Zayn was in the kitchen making toast with a serious case of bed-head.

“Hi,” she greeted him.

“Hey,” he grunted, not bothering to even look her direction.

Alyssa poured herself some coffee and stood against the counter holding it, waiting for it to cool a little as she watched Zayn butter his toast. He had yet to actually acknowledge her with a look. And it kind of bothered her, which _okay yeah_ , they did sort of have a fight yesterday. But it felt weird. 

Once his toast was prepared, he turned his back against the counter and leaned against it like she was. They stood there practically side-by-side in an awkward silence – Zayn chomping on his toast and Alyssa sipping on her piping hot coffee. 

“You need a haircut,” Alyssa said, ruffling her hand over his head.

“Yeah,” he said, through his mouthful as he pulled his head away from her hand.

She sent an odd look in his direction, that he missed because he’d yet to look at her. He was acting strange and it really bothered her.

 

 

 

**_Summer 2010_ **

 

 _Alyssa felt like shit._ _And to top it all off, she woke up in Harry’s bed. Luckily, the little perv was sleeping on the floor. But she wasn’t fully sure on how or why she was in there in the first place – rather than in Zayn’s bed._

_She pulled herself up out of the bed and tip-toed across the floor, not wanting to wake up Harry who was cocooned in a nest full of blankets on the floor. She made her way into the bathroom and was accosted with the memories of her throwing up everything she ever ate in her entire life and then some. She was never drinking again – she swore it to herself. No matter how hard Zayn begged her._

_Soon she was spiraling through memories of her night with Zayn._

_Zayn mixing them drinks that consisted of ninety percent vodka with a splash of orange juice. Her and Zayn in a fit of giggles down in the TV room after each drinking two full glass of his concoction. Harry scolding them. Then she and Zayn trying to get up the stairs to go to bed._

_Oh, god._ _Oh, good god._

_She and Zayn kissed. Holy shit. They kissed! Zayn kissed HER._

_And then Doniya caught them._

_Oh, god. Her stomach turned at the memory. Zayn actually kissed her. She couldn’t help but smile. It was everything she’d been dreaming about since she was thirteen._

_Alyssa did her business in the bathroom, trying to make herself look as if she didn’t just spend the night dying in there as she puked her guts out. When she finally came out, the house was alive with the sound of a house full of kids in the morning._

_Safaa was already in the kitchen going on and on about her cereal choice with Waliyha and Doniya. Harry was in his room already playing music at such an early hour. And Zayn stood against the hallway wall across from the bathroom, grumbling that it took her forever in there. Alyssa let him pass her so he could use it before she went downstairs for breakfast._

_Doniya eyed her as soon as she walked in the kitchen._

_“What?” Alyssa grumbled, giving Doniya the eye._

_“Nothing,” she said with a smirk._

_“Hmm,” she grumbled as she grabbed a bowl and spoon from the kitchen before sitting down._

_As Alyssa poured her bowl of frosted flakes, Zayn meandered into the kitchen – his hair a serious birds nest atop his head. He definitely looked hung-over and didn’t care to hide it._

_“Jeez, what happened to you last night?” Waliyha said, looking at her older brother._

_“Hmph,” Zayn grunted as he took a seat with his own bowl and spoon._

_“You sound like a caveman,” Safaa told Zayn._

_Alyssa nearly inhaled her frosted flakes, trying not to laugh and Zayn quickly shot a glare in her direction._

_“So, what were you two doing last night?” Doniya asked, looking between the two of them. Zayn’s glare snapped toward Doniya so hard, he might have gotten whiplash from it._

_“I wonder…” Harry said sarcastically as he came into the kitchen._

_“Shut the hell up, Harry,” Zayn shot at his little brother._

_“You’re not supposed to say ‘hell’ like that. It’s naughty when you say it like that,” Safaa told Zayn matter-of-factly._

_“You’re right, Saf. Zayn’s naughty,” Alyssa told her._

_“Yeah, Zayn’s_ super _naughty,” Doniya said, but she wasn’t talking about using the words ‘hell’._

_“Shut up, Doniyahh,” Zayn warned, exaggerating her name, making his older sister snicker._

_“Fun night last night, guys?” Waliyha asked, oblivious to what they were really talking about._

_“Yeah, what part was your favorite, Alyssa? The part where you puked your guts out in the toilet or—” Harry eyed her._

_“Shut up, Harry,” Alyssa growled, cutting him off before he had a chance to say anything else._

_Zayn looked over at Alyssa quickly, completely unaware that she spent the night dry heaving into the toilet._

_“Wait… why were you puking?” Waliyha asked, looking more than a little confused._

_“They drank a lot of v-o-d-k-a,” Harry said, spelling it out so Safaa wouldn’t know what he was talking about._

_“Oh!” Waliyha exclaimed, looking between the two culprits._

_“Shut up, Harold,” Zayn growled._

_“Are you serious?” Doniya asked, completely slack-jawed._

_“Seriously, everyone just shut up,” Zayn demanded._

_“Is that why the two of you were practically on top of each other on the stairs?” Doniya questioned, her narrowed eyes looking straight at Zayn._

_“GOD! SHUT UP!” Zayn growled, completely annoyed._

_“Dude, you were making out with Alyssa!” Doniya said, blurting out their little secret to the whole table._

_“What!?” Harry asked incredulously._

_“Oh my god,” Alyssa said, holding her hand over her face, feeling so incredibly embarrassed. Not because of making out with Zayn, but because it was a topic of conversation at the breakfast table._

_“What is ‘making out’?” Safaa asked curiously._

_“It’s something you don’t need to know about for years,” Waliyha told her little sister._

_Zayn growled again as he threw his chair back and left the table. After a few moments of the awkward silence, Alyssa quietly got up from the table, putting her bowl and spoon in the sink and left the kitchen too._

_She found Zayn in his room lying on his bed._

_“We don’t have to talk about it,” she told him. He stayed silent._

_“We can pretend like it never happened,” she offered. Silence._

_Alyssa went silent too with Zayn’s lack of words, feeling absolutely horrible about everything._

_The kiss wasn’t talked about again for many years._

 

“So, are we going to live like this from now on?” Alyssa asked, looking over at Zayn.

“Like what?” He asked, still not looking at her.

“Distant. Not talking,” she explained and he shrugged.

“Apparently we are,” she said under her breath, setting her coffee cup down on the counter top.

“What do you want from me?” He asked incredulously.

“For you to be my friend,” she said, trying her hardest to keep her voice even.

“I am,” he said quietly.

“You have yet to make eye contact with me even once during this whole conversation…” Alyssa pointed out. He immediately looked up at her, but she didn’t see his usual warm caramel eyes. Instead, they were cold and distant.

“You’ve hardly said a word…” She continued.

“I just woke up. Give me a fucking break,” he grumbled and Alyssa rolled her eyes.

“I’m just… _wow_. I’m excited that our friendship has progressed into this. _Awesome_ ,” Alyssa said sarcastically as she walked toward the doorway to leave the kitchen.

“Alyssa…” Zayn sighed, but she was already on her way.

If she wanted to have a one-sided conversation, she would be just as happy talking to herself up in her bedroom as she sorted out her laundry. She was not going to play childish games with Zayn. Not today.


	19. The one in the city...

**Spring 2016**

 

“Look off toward the buildings,” the photographer for Harry’s photoshoot directed. Harry obliged immediately.

Half of his photo shoot took place inside the building they were at and now the second half if it brought them up to the roof where Harry stood dangerously close to the edge, much to Alyssa’s dismay. She almost couldn’t watch because her mind played countless mini-movies of Harry plummeting to his death many different ways. And each time it would give her a sickening feeling she couldn’t quite shake.

She had her own camera along to distract herself though, and she was snapping random things she saw from the New York skyline. She loved New York so much and she was so happy to actually have an excuse to spend a day in its clutches. It wasn’t as if it was far away from where she lived, because it wasn’t. She just didn’t have a whole lot of time and patience to make her way into the city very often.

They’d been shooting since eight a.m. and nearly six hours later Alyssa had yet to eat since the bagel in the car on the way. She almost felt queasy sitting there waiting for the shoot to conclude.

“Awesome! I think we’ve gotten what we need,” the photographer told Harry and it made Alyssa perk up instantly.

“Finally,” she murmured under her breath as Harry stepped away from the ledge.

“What did you think? Did they look good?” Harry asked once he walked over to Alyssa.

“They looked awesome. Seriously, Harry. But to be honest with you, I was scared out of my mind that you were going to fall off the building,” she told him with a light chuckle.

“You were worried about me? How cute,” he said, leaning in to steal a quick kiss. 

Alyssa and Harry had been seeing each other for a little over a month and things were really going well. Things with Zayn on the other hand were incredibly awkward. Zayn was not the same boy Alyssa grew up with. He changed drastically and it was increasingly depressing as the days went by. It seemed like every time they tried to hang out, he got shy and awkward. And there always seemed to be a lull in their conversation. It was never ever like that between them in all of the years they were friends and she wasn’t sure how much more she could take. It made her extremely sad to know their friendships best days were behind them. She was certain once Zayn found out she was seeing his step-brother, their friendships limits would be truly tested. And honestly, with the way it’d been, Alyssa wasn’t sure it would survive.

“I am ready to get out of here,” Harry said as he blew out a breath.

“I am starving. I think my stomach ate itself – twice now,” Alyssa groaned, rubbing her hand over her abdomen.

“Well, we better feed you before it happens again,” he chuckled, leaning in to kiss her again.

“Please,” she said dramatically.

“I’ve just got to go change first,” he told her.

“Okay. Please hurry. I’m withering away,” she joked as she followed him toward the stairs.

As Harry changed clothes, Alyssa looked through the day’s-worth of photos she took on her camera. She landed on one of Harry that captured his candid smile – dimples and all. His pearly-white, beautiful smile. It was an attribute she absolutely loved about him. He had the most stunning, knee-weakening smile. 

As Alyssa looked at the photograph, she felt a large gush of admiration and feelings for him. She knew Harry was head-over-heels for her. He told her on more than one occasion. And she liked him a lot, but she knew their feelings weren’t exactly parallel. But as she sat there looking at the photograph, it made her want to be on that level with him. It was what he deserved. And she knew some big changes would have to be made in her life in order to get her there. Zayn was like a broken arrow inside of her heart. It was going to be painful to extract him, but she knew she needed to. She knew Harry deserved it. He deserved someone who could love him back just the same. She wanted to be that for him.

Alyssa’s phone rang in her coat pocket, breaking her out of her epiphany. It was Zayn. And it was not lost on her how incredibly ironic it was that he was calling her that exact moment.

“Hey, where are you?” He asked once she answered.

“Uh…” Alyssa stammered, trying to think up something to tell him, but she was falling short.

“Alyssa?” Zayn questioned.

“I’m, uh… I’m with a friend,” she told him. It was the truth, but it left the conversation open to a lot of questions she wasn’t prepared for.

“Oh. Who?” He asked casually.

“Uh, you don’t know them,” she said, feeling her cheeks flush as her heart began to beat a little faster in her chest. Zayn was silent for a few moments before she heard a sigh from his end of the line.

“Why are you lying?” He asked quietly.

“I… I’m not,” Alyssa said, immediately cringing because her voice was wavering so badly. She hated lying to him. And _lying_ to him about _lying_ was even worse.

“You’re stuttering and saying ‘uh’ a lot. You forget I know you better than you know yourself, Alyssa,” Zayn said, calling her out. She knew she was caught, so she just sighed in response, trying to get some sort of control on her breathing.

“Where are you really?” He asked.

“I really am with a friend, Zayn,” she told him truthfully. He just didn’t need to know which friend.

“Why don’t you just tell me, Alyssa?” Zayn pressed on.

“Tell you what?” She asked, biting at her lip. She didn’t want to tell him _anything_. Not right then anyway.

“That you have a boyfriend,” he said, catching her completely off guard.

“W-what?” She choked out.

“You’ve been sneaking out of the house a lot. And I always hear you talking on the phone at night. Who are you talking to? Not me – your best friend. And I know you don’t care enough to talk to any of your girl friends for that long. Just be honest with me,” Zayn pressed.

Alyssa bit her lip hard between her teeth. She didn’t know how to respond. Everything he said was the truth. She spent a lot of her nights in Harry’s room with him, and when she wasn’t with him, she was talking to him on the phone. She forgot how perceptive Zayn could be sometimes.

“Alyssa?” Zayn asked when she didn’t reply.

“Zayn…” She whispered.

“So you do,” he said. It wasn’t a question, it was a statement.

“Zayn…” She said again.

“Alyssa, you can tell me,” he said, trying to coax out the truth.

“I-I…” She stammered, unable to find the right words.

Her stomach was tied in knots. She hated the feeling. She dreaded the day when Zayn found out about her and Harry.

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” she lied, trying to spare a huge fight in the moment. She heard Zayn sigh again and almost thought she was in the clear as far as he was concerned.

“You ready to go, Lyss?” Harry asked as he walked up toward her. 

_Shit._  

Her eyes went wide as she waved her hands to get Harry’s attention. When he looked at her, she put her finger to her lips to quiet him.

“Who was that?” Zayn asked immediately. 

_Damn it_. 

“My friend,” she replied quickly.

“Your friend that’s not your boyfriend?” Zayn questioned, with _‘bullshit’_ in his tone.

“Yeah,” she said quietly and she knew it was unconvincing. She knew Zayn _knew_.

Zayn was silent for a moment, and Alyssa felt so out of control. She wanted to barf or hang up or something. She didn’t know what to say or do. She didn’t want him to be mad at her, but she knew it was inevitable.

“I wish there was still some honesty in our friendship,” Zayn said quietly.

“Zayn… there is…” Alyssa protested, her voice coming out almost weak.

“No. Whatever. It’s not a big deal. I just wanted to see if we could hang out, but you go have fun with your _‘friend’_ that’s not your boyfriend. I’ll see you when you get home. Whenever that is,” Zayn said, sounding genuinely hurt.

“Zayn…” Alyssa sighed.

“Bye, Alyssa,” Zayn said before he hung up on her.

Alyssa pulled the phone from her ear and looked up at Harry, the sickness in her stomach only intensifying.

“Zayn?” He asked immediately and she nodded.

“He’s convinced I have a boyfriend,” she explained.

“Well, _you do_ ,” Harry said and she nodded again.

“You know, it won’t be the end of the world if Zayn finds out,” he told her.

“I don’t even want to think about what that fight is going to be like,” Alyssa said, trying to shake it out of her mind.

“He’ll get over it, Alyssa,” Harry told her as he grabbed her hands in his.

“I know he will. It’s just hard,” she said quietly.

“For who? You or him?” Harry questioned and she could see the challenge in his eyes.

“For everyone,” Alyssa countered, feeling another weight being placed on her heart.

She knew how jealous her feelings for Zayn made Harry. But it was something that couldn’t be shut off, or discarded that easily. She was still trying to sort everything out and hoped they’d all be okay in the end.

“We should probably check into the hotel before we eat,” Harry said, quickly changing the subject, which Alyssa was grateful for.

Harry planned a whole mini-vacation in New York for them that weekend. It was actually rather sweet. They would be staying at a hotel together rather than sneaking in and out of each other’s houses. They would get an entire night of uninterrupted time together. They didn’t have to be quiet and they didn’t have to be fearful that someone would find out about them. They could be with each other without restrictions.

The two of them sat in silence as Harry drove through the crowded streets of NYC and Alyssa couldn’t get the feeling of dread out of the pit of her stomach, thinking about Zayn possibly finding out she was dating his younger brother. She didn’t want things to get any worse between them because she cherished her friendship with Zayn. She had some of the best times in her life with him. It seemed everything significant she did in her life was with him. He was her constant – her anchor.

 

 

**_Summer 2010_ **

 

_“’_ _Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis. When I was dead broke, man, I couldn’t picture this. 50 inch screen, money green leather sofa. Got two rides, a limousine with a chauffeur. Phone bill about two G’s flat. No need to worry, my accountant handles that_ _,’” Zayn and Alyssa sang at the top of their lungs along with The Notorious B.I.G. pumping through Zayn’s car stereo as they drove the turnpike on their way to New York._

Juicy _was one of their favorite songs. Pretty much if anyone put the song on, the two of them would find each other and belt it out._

_Alyssa and Zayn were headed into Manhattan to spend the day in the city. Their parents were unaware of their spur of the moment trip. Because if they were, they would have axed the idea immediately. They were only sixteen after all._

_They spent most of the day walking around Times Square, shopping and being all touristy. They always had a blast with each other no matter what they did, but it seemed whenever they were doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing it was always much more fun._

_“Ohmygod. Did you just see that!?” Zayn laughed, looking at the crowd of people on the sidewalk._

_“What?” Alyssa asked, not having seen what he saw._

_“There’s a bloke walking around in underwear, playing a guitar,” Zayn continued to laugh._

_“Nah-uh,” Alyssa said in disbelief as she craned her neck to try to catch a peek._

_“Dead serious,” Zayn said dramatically._

_“I wanna see,” she whined, standing on her tip-toes to see this whack-a-doo Zayn was talking about._

_“C’mon,” Zayn said, grabbing her hand, heading off in the direction of the half-naked dude._

_Zayn weaved in and out of bodies on the crowded Times Square sidewalk, pulling her quickly along with him. When he suddenly stopped, Alyssa ended up plowing right into him._

_“Jesus!” She said, peeling herself away from him._

_“There he is,” Zayn said with a proud smile._

_Alyssa’s gaze followed Zayn’s. Across the street, standing on the median was a dude in underwear, cowboy boots and a cowboy hat with a guitar strapped around his chest. He was singing for anyone who would listen._

_“Wow,” Alyssa chuckled._

_“It’s a naked cowboy,” Zayn said with a smirk._

_“I can see that,” she giggled._

_“I want to go into the music business, but you’re not going to catch me walking around New York City in my underwear to get noticed,” Zayn told her in all seriousness._

_“What if you were on a billboard in your underwear?” Alyssa asked, pointing up to a Calvin Klein billboard with a guy laid out in boxer briefs._

_“I don’t think so,” Zayn stated matter-of-factly._

_“And what’s so bad about your body?” She asked, but immediately regretted saying anything at all. She felt her cheeks heating up with blush instantly._

_“I don’t know, Alyssa. What’s so bad about my body?” He teased, quirking his eyebrow suggestively at her._

_“Never mind,” she said as she started walking passed him._

_“You think I’m hot,” Zayn continued to tease as he followed behind her._

_“I do not. Shut up,” she snapped, but she was well-aware that her rapid blushing was calling her out as a liar._

_“You’re lying!” Zayn chuckled._

_“And you’re cocky. I was giving you a compliment and you completely turned it around on me,” she shot at him as she spun to face him. He annoyed her so much sometimes – even though what he was saying was the complete truth._

_“Why are you getting so angry? Is it because you think I look good in my knickers?” He joked._

_“Ohmygod. Seriously. Just shut up,” Alyssa said, rolling her eyes as she began to walk again, trying to walk faster to avoid the conversation completely._

_He just laughed and fell into step next to her, before dropping the subject altogether. Nothing ever made her feel stupider than her idiotic crush on her best friend._

 

 

After a long day of site-seeing in New York, Alyssa and Harry were more than ready to retire to their hotel room for the night. They had so much amazing food at some of the street vendors around the city and they went to the Statue of Liberty and Ground Zero before heading up to Times Square, and then up to Central Park where their hotel was. Alyssa had an absolutely amazing day with Harry and the best part was they didn’t have to hide their relationship from people. Harry held her hand all day, and kissed and hugged her in public. They could be themselves and it was really nice. Alyssa actually felt like she had a boyfriend rather than a secret.

The hotel room was over-the-top. It seemed like no expense was spared and Alyssa was in complete awe.

“Harry, this room is… amazing,” she gasped as she walked toward the wall of floor-to-ceiling windows, looking out over the city in their luxury suite at the _W_ hotel.

“I wanted tonight to be special,” he told her as he walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“This whole day has been special,” Alyssa sighed, feeling so entirely relaxed in his arms.

She felt Harry’s lips kiss her shoulder blade before he began to trail kisses up her neck. Her heart fluttered in her chest and she felt the deep yearning inside of her to be close to him. She turned in his arms and wrapped her own arms around his neck.

“Thank you,” she breathed against his lips before lightly kissing them.

“For what?” He questioned, looking deeply into her eyes.

“For everything. For being you. For taking me here,” she explained.

“I should be thanking you,” he said, smiling bashfully.

“Why?” She asked.

“For making me so happy,” he replied and it made her heart flutter again.

Alyssa leaned in, kissing his lips again. Their mouths melded together in one long fluid kiss, their tongues tangling pleasingly together. Harry held her tightly against his body and she was completely aware when he began leading her back toward the bed. Her whole entire body was reacting to him. She wanted him to touch her and love her. She wanted his hands to make her feel electric. She wanted to lose herself with him like she did on so many other nights by just the feel of his body against her, and his hands, and his mouth. They didn’t need to have sex with each other to _feel_ one another. The desire that built inside of them from holding off was so entirely pleasing. Alyssa couldn’t even begin to comprehend the way he made her feel. He made her feel wanted for the first time in all of her life. And not in the fleeting way Zayn made her feel. Harry made her feel like he might rather die than stop loving her. There was no comparing that kind of feeling.

Once Harry laid her down on the bed he kissed her lips – feather light and delicate, before pulling back to look at her. His soft eyes searched hers for a few moments and she realized he was trying to build up the nerve to say something.

“What is it, Harry?” She breathed, sliding her finger lightly down the curve of his jaw.

His eyebrows furrowed and he let out the faintest of sighs before he began to speak.

“I was thinking that maybe tonight… maybe we could…” He stammered before letting his words trail off. He seemed nervous and it was entirely endearing.

“I know I was the one who said I wanted to take things slow, but it’s been a month. I-I would like… if you want…” He rambled, without really explaining himself. But it only took Alyssa a few seconds to realize what he was trying to get at. He wanted to have sex.

“Harry, you don’t have to ask. Well, I mean… yeah, you _do_. But you don’t have to worry about asking. Don’t be nervous,” Alyssa told him as her hands came up to cradle his face in them. She watched as he licked his lips, smiling bashfully down at her.

“You really are adorable when you’re nervous though,” she said, leaning up to kiss his lips momentarily.

“So, you’d be okay with that?” He asked, his voice wavering slightly.

“Yes, Harry. I would be very okay with that,” Alyssa said through a smirk as she felt her feelings for him explode inside of her heart. He was amazing. Simply the best.

He leaned in, nearly smashing his lips against hers. She felt the sting of the hardened kiss, but paid it no mind as she kissed him back. She could feel his excitement against her thigh and it made her want to be naked with him. She wanted to see the body he worked so hard to perfect. She wanted to worship him and be worshiped right back.

Alyssa pressed up on his shoulders lightly, causing him to pull back, gazing down at her with a questioning look.

“Lie back, please,” Alyssa said as she bit her bottom lip.

She was sure she’d never seen Harry’s smile wider than it was in that moment. He was breathtaking. She watched as he pulled his t-shirt quickly off his body before lying back against the mattress like she asked. Her hand slid across his bare chest immediately, appreciating the feeling of his smooth chest beneath her fingertips as they skated across his very prominent tattoos.

“You are beautiful, Harry Styles,” Alyssa cooed as she leaned down to leave a few light kisses on his chest.

“You’re the beautiful one, Alyssa,” Harry countered as he brushed her hair out of her eyes with his fingers.

“Mmm,” she hummed as she slid her leg over his middle to sit astride him.

Harry’s hands found her hips as her fingers slid against the flesh of his bare chest. She loved the vantage point she had, staring down at his beautiful face.

His fingers slid into the bottom of her shirt, tickling across her flesh and she felt the goosebumps form from his touch. He had a way of making every particle of her body react to him. She slowly bucked her hips, wanting to create her own reaction. And Harry wasn’t one to disappoint. She watched his eyes shut tightly as a pleasurable groan escaped his throat. And even before he had the chance of opening his eyes again, Alyssa quickly slipped off her shirt, leaving her in her bra.

She caught the smirk on his lips once his eyes found her again and it made her smile back.

“So beautiful,” Harry sighed as his hands slid smoothly up her abdomen.

“I love when you touch me. I love your hands,” Alyssa cooed as more goosebumps ravaged her skin.

“Then I’ll never stop,” he tacked on before gripping onto her hips, tackling her gently onto the mattress, his weight engulfing her.

Her legs wrapped around his middle immediately as she felt him press against her, toying with her.

“ _Jesus_ , Harry,” she groaned, her whole body straining from the pleasing sensations running through her.

“I-I brought condoms. I mean – just in case you wanted to. I mean – I didn’t invite you here just for this,” he tried to clarify, his words getting garbled from his nervousness.

“Harry, just relax,” Alyssa told him, placing her hand on his face.

“I just… you know how much I like you, Alyssa. I just want it to be perfect,” he sighed.

“It will be,” she told him, sealing her words with a kiss. He smiled through it, which in turn made her smile.

As they lay there kissing, their bodies pressed together, it hit her – _she was about to have sex with Harry Styles_. Less than six months ago, she would have thought a person was fucking delusional if they told her she’d go to bed with Harry Styles at any point in her life. Oral sex with him was a big step, but this – this was _huge_.

Harry got very good at foreplay after a month of doing only that. He knew just what to do, how to tickle, how to touch, and taste and lick and love her body to get her going. There were plenty of nights where he had Alyssa so strung out that all she wanted to do was fuck him senseless. But she refrained because she knew he wanted to take things slow. And now there they were – ready to take it all the way.

“Harry…” Alyssa said through his kisses.

“Yeah?” He asked.

“I still… I still want, you know… _foreplay_. I really enjoy that,” Alyssa told him. His smile went wide and he didn’t even bother to stifle it.

“I enjoy that too,” he told her, sounding genuinely sincere.

“Good,” she breathed as she leaned up to kiss his lips again.

Alyssa felt his free hand come up to pull away the fabric from her breasts, exposing the flesh. Her nipples tightened immediately from the cool air of the room and she watched Harry’s smile just before his mouth came down to capture one between his lips, teasing and sucking it until quiet little gasps escaped her lips. He did the same with the other, sending wonderful sensations throughout her entire body.

Alyssa felt the heat pulsating through her as Harry’s quiet ministrations engulfed every one of her senses. All she could think of in those moments was him – all she could feel was him.

“ _Jesus_ , Harry,” she groaned as her fingers tangled into his curls.

His hand slowly snaked down to the button of her jeans, undoing it before he placed his palm inside the front of her panties, his fingertips brushing over her sensitive area. She spread her legs for him, giving him easier access as he began the delicate rhythm of getting her off. But it wasn’t enough for him. He slowly slid off her jeans and then her panties before he slid back up her body, leaving a kiss on her lips.

“Mm,” Alyssa moaned against his lips just before he pulled away, leaving kisses down her neck.

His mouth slowly moved down her chest, down the expanse of her stomach, leaving kisses trailing across her navel before he moved even lower. When his mouth met her again, it was hot and wet and so delicious as it slipped down her cleft and gently sucked and licked unto she was gasping and her body was shaking because of him – _for_ him.

“God, Harry. _Ohmygod_ ,” Alyssa gasped.

“You are so beautiful,” he breathed against her skin.

“I… _ohmygod_ , Harry. I don’t think I can take anymore,” she groaned, feeling so incredibly out of control as she reached down to pull his chin up.

“Are you… are you ready?” He asked, looking up at her.

“Only if you’re ready,” she said, still trying to catch her breath.

“I’m ready,” he said as he quietly slipped off the bed.

“Hey, wait,” she said, sitting up quickly.

“Hmm?” He asked, turning his head to look at her.

“Don’t deny me the pleasure of stripping you naked,” she said, smirking at him.

A slow mischievous smile graced his lips and she knew he was game.

“C’mere,” she cooed, biting her bottom lip between her teeth as she crawled to the edge of the bed and sat down. She quickly unhooked and peeled off her bra, throwing it on the floor with her other discarded clothes.

Harry turned toward her, cradling his body between her opened legs as he stood in front of her. She could have spent the entire night worshiping his sex lines – that amazing V outlined on his hips. _Oh, God_. His body was outstanding. She took the time to let her fingertips trail down them, but the real treasure came below it. And she was determined to unwrap him.

Alyssa popped the button of his dark, skin-tight jeans before smoothly sliding down the zipper. She looked up to find him watching her with hooded, lust-filled eyes and it made her smile. Her hands slid up the well-defined muscles on his torso before leaning up to trail kisses across it. She was pleased when she heard a heady sigh escape Harry’s throat. The little sounds he made only fueled her. Her lips kissed down to the waistband of his boxer briefs, licking across the skin just above the elastic, her fingers lightly digging into his hips.

“ _Oh_ , Alyssa,” he hissed as his hands cupped the back of her neck, sliding his fingers up into her hair. 

Her fingers gathered up the waistband of his boxer briefs, pulling them down gradually as her lips went down with it. Harry groaned and she knew what she was doing to him was sweet torture.

Moving slightly faster than she did before, she slid his jeans and boxers down his legs. He quickly stepped out of his them and took off his socks, leaving him bare for her. She smiled up at him, licking her lips as he hung-out in front of her. He licked his own lips as he watched her and she couldn’t help but take it as an omen for what he wanted. Alyssa slid her hand across his hardness, gripping around it gently before giving is a few tugs. Another groan fell from his lips as his head tipped back slightly. She smiled before leaning forward to wet the tip of his penis. When her mouth sunk down it, a guttural moan escaped from his throat and she knew she was on the right track. But she was determined to get the most out of the night, so she only let her mouth bob atop him a few times before she pulled back.

“ _Jesus Christ_ , Alyssa,” Harry sighed, tipping his head forward to peer down at her.

“Love me, Harry,” Alyssa cooed, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“I do love you and I will love you,” he told her, causing her heart to flutter and beat wildly for him.

“Slide up, baby,” he told her and she obliged, slipping her body further up on the mattress as Harry walked toward his overnight bag and dug inside.

Alyssa lay on the most comfortable bed she had ever been in, watching the object of her desire retrieve a condom out of his bag before sauntering back to the bed with a look of determination in his eyes. She watched the muscles in his stomach tighten as he leaned down to roll the condom onto his hardness. Harry Styles was absolutely stunning and Alyssa was more than prepared to take the next step with him in their relationship.

Harry’s hands trailed slowly up her thighs as he crawled onto the mattress, his eyes taking in her entire body laying naked for him. He knelt between her legs, kissing her lips quickly before pulling up again.

“You’re perfect,” he cooed and Alyssa couldn’t help but smile bashfully at him.

He said the words, but she wasn’t sure she believed them. Because when she looked at him, she _knew_ he was perfect. But then again, maybe they were both perfect to each other. Maybe this was all meant to be. Harry was hers and she was his. And it was the closest she’d felt to someone, _ever_.

Alyssa’s breathing hitched when she realized it would be the first time she was entering a sexual relationship when she was _actually_ in a relationship. And then she realized her relationship with Harry was actually her first _real_ relationship in her whole life.

“Harry…” She breathed as she felt the prickling of tears in the back of her eyes.

“Hmm?” He hummed as he hovered above her.

“This means a lot to me,” she told him, honesty pouring out with her words. 

“This means a lot to me too, Alyssa – that it’s with _you_ ,” he said before he leaned down to kiss her.

“You’re ready?” He asked quietly, looking down in her eyes.

“I’m ready, Harry. I promise,” she confirmed with a nod of her head.

“Good,” he breathed against her lips, kissing them lightly.

Alyssa felt his hand slide down her stomach before he guided himself in. Her breathing hitched as he filled her, a feeling she thoroughly appreciated. Endorphins flooded her brain, leading her on a path to complete madness, or ecstasy – whichever came first.

The night was perfect. Everything was perfect. Harry was perfect. Alyssa was perfect when she was with him. The feelings he made her feel were perfect.

Harry’s rhythm was slow and steady, and undeniably pleasurable. She could feel herself getting lost with him and he made her never want to be found again. His hips cradled between hers, his weight pressing her knees up against her sides. Her fingertips stretched across the taut muscles of his back, holding him against her, keeping him close. His breathy grunts in her ear were just about the most beautiful thing she had ever heard. And when he heard the quickening of her breathing, he was there to slow his rhythm down into long meaningful strokes, pressing in deeper and deeper with each thrust to help stoke the fire deep inside of her.

She felt like she was burning up. She was about to be consumed by the heat and the desire, and _Harry_. She wanted to be. She wanted to ignite for him. She wanted to explode and bring him with her. She wanted the fire to eat him up too.

“Oh, God, Harry. _Please_ ,” Alyssa moaned, feeling the sensations deep within her.

“ _Alyssa_ ,” he hissed out her name and it helped get her there – his voice in her ears.

“C’mon, baby,” he coaxed her along.

“ _Oh, God_ ,” she groaned as the fire consumed her.

It was Heaven and Hell all wrapped up in one. She was lost. She could barely focus. She barely even noticed when Harry slid out of her, collapsing onto his back on the bed next to her.

Alyssa stuck out her hand, finding the sinewy muscles of his abdomen. It was damp with sweat, but it felt so sweet beneath her fingertips. She just wanted to touch him. She didn’t like the loss of contact when he laid next to her rather than on her.

“ _Harry_ ,” Alyssa said, letting his name roll perfectly off her tongue.

“Hmm,” he hummed.

“Did you—?” She asked, barely able to swallow back what little saliva she had left in her mouth.

“Did I?” He questioned.

“Yeah. Did you?” She asked, her tongue unable to form the rest of the words of her question.

“Yes,” he answered.

After Harry cleaned himself up, he got back in bed, pulling Alyssa close to his body, whispering that he loved her. It wasn’t long after that she quietly fell asleep in his arms.


End file.
